Nymph's Hymn's Myth

He Forgot

2011-04-08T21:56:00.004+08:00

Consider this: You are in a long distance relationship and the main channels of communication are the very handy mobile phone and email. Tell me, how can you make the relationship survive? Or, at least, how do you struggle to keep it going?

I knew it. I will come to this point.

Well, prior to even taking the plunge, I already declared first hand that a long distance relationship is impractical, expensive and usually does not work. I just do not know what happened and why I ended up in one! So saying that now is a matter of recycling. And I am close to concluding that maybe, just maybe, my theory about it not working will prove true after all.

If I am to address the questions above, I have numerous ideas! Ideas turned concrete, actually. The classic and my most favorite: sending cards or love letters on a monthly basis. That frequency does not include holidays, of course. This monthly activity is actually in celebration of our monthsary. A monthsary is a tradition similar to an anniversary except that the former is celebrated each month. Is that a nice idea? I would fairly say yes. Here’s why, if I may justify. A daily or weekly version would be really expensive and waiting for the anniversary would be, well apparently, a long wait. So monthly would balance the extremes. Not a bad bargain.

Given that (and several emails and SMS you send to your partner), is it, if I may have the courtesy to ask, fair enough that your partner compensate you with a similar gesture within his means? Perhaps an SMS or a phone call will do. An email greeting will also be appreciated. Is that overly demanding? Will that require so much effort? Is that difficult at all?

I will tell you what is difficult. It is painfully difficult when something that means so much to you is taken for granted. There is already so much pain with the distance and time that separates you from one another and when that one thing which makes you closer just through expressed thoughts is underrated, that is adding insult to injury. What could even be worse than when you are both aware of that ‘tradition’ as a couple and one just forgets? Forgetting it once or twice is tolerable; thrice I can consider; but the next same offense thereafter, I really do not know what to think anymore.

Maybe I am just a waste of time. Maybe playing this game is already over. Maybe I still live in my fantasy that he is far different from my ex. Maybe they are all one and same. Maybe I’ll end up losing again. Maybe this usually does not work. But maybe I will still hold on because I love him. And until he tells me to stop, then maybe I will.

Long distance relationship sucks.

*****

By the way, happy 17th monthsary!

Oops, I Did It Again!

2011-03-10T10:30:00.003+08:00

Only God knows it was not my intention to do that. And I was sorry. Really. My first day of Lent was a success - doing away with meat and eating less rice plus I finished off with being generous with compliments, genuine ones. So why do I seem to fail on my second day? No giving up for a strong soul though! I am going to be a greater person with God by my side!

Carry on soldier!

And by the way, Allan was online today via FB. My sweet. My love. I miss him.

Engaged Twice

2010-11-15T21:07:00.005+08:00

We are engaged! Yes, officially now. The ring that Allan gave me that night formalized his question and I, wearing it in my finger (proudly as I type my words here), reconfirmed my consent to, well, marry him.

We were already engaged even before he slid the ring in my finger. He already popped the question months before he purchased that band for a pre-wedding commitment. He asked, I said yes. He already had my affirmative reply during his “unofficial’ proposal and that, itself is a strong pledge of my love – stronger than the ring, I think.

I did not ask for the ring. I do not honestly think it was necessary. But he had a different viewpoint.

Let me recall what happened that night he proposed.

It was our first night in Baguio City together. I am not familiar with the place but I was too keen about this trip so I prepared an itinerary beforehand. We are going to 50’s Diner for our first dinner in the city according to that itinerary.

We dressed up. I wore a floral dress and a peach-pink cardigan to warm me up. But who am I kidding? I never thought Baguio City would be so cold in November! The cold would seep through my cardigan and into my skin. Allan asked if I brought anything else (which he called a jumper) than the cardigan but I told him it was all I got. He knew I could not be a warrior in the cold so he brought out his Hilfiger jacket and covered me with another layer. He put on a dark blue knit shirt and a pair of trousers. I was silently amazed with the charm he effected on me just donning that. He looked so handsome that night I lose my concern that he would freeze outside because I was wearing his jacket. He did not mind.

50’s Diner was not far from Microtel. It was jam-packed with diners that we have to wait to be seated. The restaurant has a vibrant atmosphere – with food orders shouted out and followed up, echoing laughter and exciting buzz of several groups of friends, loud music, and the noise of eating utensils. In fact, when we finally got our table, Allan and I can barely hear each other. We would often turn to our iPhones and gaze at each other. We fulfilled our mission that night nevertheless: we were full up when we left our table.

Allan was still up to going somewhere after dinner. He asked if we could go walking in a park nearby. But it was drizzling that night and the road, slippery. Besides, I have no idea where else to go especially at night. So I suggested we better return to the hotel which we did.

We reached our hotel room full in the stomach but apparently unsatisfied. So we both sat in silence on the sofa. It seemed like an understanding of what we needed that night: a peaceful, romantic night which we were deprived of during the dinner earlier. Moments later, I realized we were already talking about our families and about us. I never felt very comfortable talking and listening to him like that before: my head on his shoulder and his right hand entangled with my left hand. He came to that point asking me what if he asks me to marry him again. Looking up at him, the words came off naturally from my lips – I would say yes over again. He smiled and held my chin to kiss me and I let him. The next thing went so suddenly that when I opened my eyes several seconds after, he was already on his knees revealing the ring on his left palm. He said he should have done the ‘kneeling’ part months ago when he first asked me to marry him. Anyway, he popped the question again in proper form and with the ring. No, I did not gasp and cover my mouth in feigned surprise if that was what you were expecting. I expressed what I was feeling then with a tight embrace and a whispered ‘yes’. He let me go eventually so he can slid the ring in my finger.

Allan sat back beside me. He was apologetic that the proposal which he just did was not as exciting as the first one. I don’t think he understood. It was my first time to be presented a ring and a determined question about marriage by a man. It was my first ever time to feel that a man is taking me seriously, that I am someone’s ‘for keeps’. Allan brought me to yet another life’s purpose-realization moment that I actually have a significant existence on earth. I mattered, and that is one big exciting matter for me!

Now that I think about it, the ring may still not be necessary but it concretized Allan’s steadfast intent to have me as his partner for the rest of his life and my permission to be so. He said that the ring is important because he wants people to know that I am his. Need I say more? I wear the ring to flaunt what I also want the world to know: I am engaged to a man I truly love!

We were officially engaged November 6, 2010, two days before our anniversary. Allan was so worried he might misplace the ring if he waited two more days to propose.

Help me pray for our love to flourish!

Commission on Election or Correction?

2010-09-14T16:52:00.000+08:00

Pissed. That was how I felt when I fled early to the polling precincts on the 2010 national election day, scanned my name eagerly on the voting list and nowhere was it found. Pissed I was still when today I dropped by the COMELEC Municipal office, accompanied by Liway and Mac, and verified that my name is no longer in the active voters. Reason: Failed to Vote Twice (FVT). I cannot be in peace for I know I just voted in the 2007 Barangay Election. There must be some kind of a mistake, I thought. So I insisted, in my most courteous way, that I did vote during the elections prior to 2010. I think I heard a resistant sigh from the lady officer but the guy who checked on the database for my name was very polite to dig through the piles of papers to check. I was asked the 2nd time by the lady officer if I was sure I voted in 2007. I answered with a firm yes, even recounting who I voted for. The guy returned with papers and looked for the file labelled with precinct 98a, skimmed through it and found my name. Before my name was my brother Christian Arc's, marked with FVT. Below his name was mine. Across my name were my fingerprints and signature. For crying out loud, I was still able to vote since 2007! Now who said I failed to vote twice? The lady officer seemed dubious, she asked for the paper to check it herself if I was really able to vote. The guy passed it on and she kept silent for a while there. The last thing I'd ever like to hear her say when she opened her mouth again was to blame me for not coming to report it to her office at once. I thought I'd like to say something in rebuttal but kept myself composed instead. In fact, I told her in my utmost candor that it's not really a big deal for me now and that I could go back when the next registration starts. At the back of my mind, solid neurotic matters are insisting it was not really my fault that some morons of this office mistook my name for my brother's and took me out of the voters list instead of him. And as if I didn't notice, she defensively backfired at me like it was my fault from the start. I would understand that people are prone to committing mistakes. Fine. But I was waiting for apologies or assentation, if its the most she could give, and failed. Tsk. Perhaps the COMELEC office in Bugallon might have to undergo some customer service workshop and some encoding refresher course. I'm not being self-righteous. Just a dissatisfied (again) public citizen. I was advised to be updated about my status thru Mac. Let's see if they apply the necessary corrections for the next elections. God bless the Philippines!

The Mistaken Call

2010-09-11T19:36:00.001+08:00

I was with my friends at the beach, seriously talking about our lives' stuffs when ring-ring goes my phone. It reflected an unknown caller. It was around 5 o'clock in the afternoon which was a very unusual time for Allan to call so it really puzzled me if it was him on the other line. Still, I gladly answered my phone. I knew it was not Allan from the first word the caller mentioned: Tinao.

Someone close, I thought. When he said his name, I was ecstatic. Boy oh boy! I have not heard from him for ages! It was Rannie! Yes, the mistaken identity.

He called directly from Singapore. He called because he was worried I was not replying to his IMs. He called because he thought I was working in Singapore. He called to ask me how i'm doing. I was touched by his thoughts. He called because maybe, just maybe, I was worth talking his Singaporean dollars due for his phone bill.

The call lasted briefly for four minutes. Nevertheless, I think it was like sitting over a McDonald's value meal after hearing the novena mass at the Baclaran church. There were laughters and chismis (mostly about his love of his life). And yes, I never said it before, but if there was a boy version of me, it would be Rannie! Malandi. Haha!

For a while there, I forgot I am having problems. I had a mindshift for several minutes. Thanks Rann for the call!

I Have SCENE It 3: Sheryll Bayan

2010-09-07T18:40:00.006+08:00

Seen: It's Sheryll Ann Rodriguez Bayan's birthday today. Such a sweet girl. Not to mention she's cuddly, bubbly, and beary, beary wonderful for a companion. Oops, typo errors. I meant, VERY, VERY.

Learnings: Patience. Kindness. Rationality. Imagine these virtues wrapped in a being named SHERYLL. Happy birthday little one! You are truly a God's blessing to LOGODEF. Funny how we can't label you as a goddess. Only a blessing. Kelangan ka ng Bayan, She!

Kiss Miss

2010-09-05T15:21:00.001+08:00

Weeks after my Bohol trip with Allan, I could still excitedly recount the sights and the memorable tour activities we experienced. I was telling a friend all these but all she has got to ask me afterwards was, 'Okay, but did you two kiss?' I would have been offended if that question was coming from someone else. But well, this friend of mine, she has that skill to thresh out unnecessary details to get to the point. Uhm, most of the time, her leading questions would arrive at her preferred points. So I suppose, since she's just that, I should not mind. But to her question, I replied with a bow of embarrassment, closed eyes, coy smile, and a slow, affirmative nod. She was tickled pink. Too late to take that back; too late to think I divulged too much personal relationship information. Of course we kissed! And now is just one of those miserable times that I am missing his kisses. One kiss from him could vacuum ideas off and create rumbling noises in my head louder than my heartbeat. Or perhaps his kisses stop my heart from beating at all I could not even hear it skip. Crazy. That sums it all up. His kisses make me go crazy. Come home in eight weeks please and kiss this Miss. I love you.

If I Were Venus Raj

2010-09-01T18:12:00.000+08:00

Venus Raj's major-major answer to the Q&A portion of the Ms. Universe 2010 pageant created some cosmic wave throughout the world. To some, it was a lame answer coming from a beauty queen who should have been already sifted and refined to have reached that level. To others, even unconvincing, suit themselves to saying it was a very hard question. Venus was labeled by many as 'just another pretty face' in the history of this insatiable-and-definitely-relative search for beauty. Can't blame this many. She really is beautiful! My friend instant-messaged me with the question: "What is the biggest mistake you made in your life and how did you fix it?" (I think the latter part went like: what did you do to correct it?) Well, I really did not attempt to put myself in Venus' shoes until my friend shot that question at me. There was not a time to think. I really thought I was in the pageant and the audience awaits for my brilliant answer. It made me feel smart to answer right away. No second thoughts. I knew it by heart that I did commit a lot of mistakes in the past and a few just hit the mark. If I were Venus Raj, I would have said:

My biggest mistake in my life was compromising my family and my dreams for the love and attention of a guy who I actually begged to stay with me even when I knew he didn't love me anymore. What did I do to correct it? I think the natural course of moving on helped. Besides, I no longer had a choice. It would have been too late to correct it. The damage has been done. The pain was irreparable. I guess, the mistake left me lessons though. I did spend more time with my family and picked up my shattered dreams. It's never too late to start with something.

I'm Broke, Not Broken

2010-08-16T13:36:00.004+08:00

Earlier today I twitted, 'I know how it feels to only have 70 pesos in your wallet at the start of the week. It can't last you a week, but God only knows how.' It was a pathetic statement but I don't have enough room for self-pity. I posted it because I am challenged by the fact that I will be penniless in the next few days but I do not fear about not being able to live for the lack of money. I may be broke, but I'm not boken. My professor called this morning, alarmed at what he saw on Twitter. Egahd, I forgot he is following me there. I posted such thing on Twitter because I only have a few friends networked to me. My manner of shouting out loud could only happen on this blog, and well, Twitter. The last thing I would need is a comment from someone else that would put you down. In all fairness to my professor, thanks for the concern. Well, God provides. I always tell myself that. I still work, enjoying it in fact, only not financially rewarding. I think I have to gauge things smarter this time. I missed a few points about saying money is not everything. It may sometimes mean something though. If this means I should look for another job, I better start looking for one. God bless my endeavors.

What If I Die Today?

2010-08-15T17:07:00.000+08:00

What if I die today? Will I be ready? Would i finally say It's over for my sorrow Over too for happiness? Now would I like it? If I had a choice, maybe no On second thought, maybe yes. Would my friends be crying? Would those I offended Be rejoicing? Would my special someone Look up at the sky and say, 'Hello! How are you?' everyday If that happened, I would no longer hear anyway. So if I die today I would not pass without a thought In this little way, I have to say sorry first To those I failed, I hurt To those I badly disappointed To those I unintentionally offended. I did my best to show you Who I really am So if it's the bad me you sighted I'm sorry you missed the other Good half. Thank you to those Who made me glad for a time When you were able to draw A smile on my face Rather than paint a sad line You might not be aware But in every smile I wear My heart holds each dear I get to be so full of it I think I always have to share I love you Pa and Ma Don't think I was busy Not to tell you. I love you, my brothers I love you aunts, cousins and uncles. I love you in-laws, nephews and nieces I love you classmates and colleagues. I love you old and new friends. I love you mentors, now and back then I love you my sweet, my love. I lived to love even those not listed above. It doesn't matter If I don't hear you all reply Or attempt to make me smile One more time. Worry not about me Because I'll make sure You are well taken care of I will have to remind God When I met Him along the way.

Opportunity Cost

2010-08-08T11:40:00.000+08:00

You can earn all the money you want -when you're on vacation, or when you switch jobs, or even when you already retire. You can still earn money. But what are you earning your money for when you already lost me?

Sweet Escape

2010-08-04T17:05:00.000+08:00

I was once warned (or was it several times) that I have to have my laptop checked for virus. And like the usual me, I never listened (or maybe I listened but did not budge). Well, it crashed just recently and the good thing is - no, count that the best thing, I was able to save some of my valuable files in my portable drive! And before my portable drive gets infected too, I might as well blog some files in case it becomes convenient to just pull them out later. Downside: it becomes conveniently available to triple-double-u too. Here's one I compiled and count as priceless. Whew! Saved before I could feel sorry for myself. Enjoy! Credits: Dumaluan Beach Resort for the accommodation Music by Natasha Bedingfield "Pocketful of Sunshine" Some photos from My Sweet

2010 Parish Priest Day

2010-08-04T14:29:00.004+08:00

Just posting for sharing purposes. Ate Vilma, for your review and comments. My output for a very limited time. I'm coming home tonight and my laptop crashed so I used the office resources and time doing this. Tsk. Corrupt me, I feel so guilty! What way to compensate? *wink*

I Have SCENE It 2: Personal ID

2010-07-16T13:48:00.005+08:00

Seen: Bored with just deep sea water and swelling waves meeting our boat on our way to Cagbalite Island in Quezon Province, (Yes, waves do not scare me even if I really cannot swim. I dwell on my body's bouyancy and divine providence should the boat capsize.) Manong Boatman's arm tattoo caught my attention. I should have called him by his Personal ID written on his arm, only I do not know how to pronounce it, I might embarrass myself. Learnings: Did someone ever tell you that each human is unique? And so are names maybe. A name is a reflection of one's individuality. Hmmm, I always thought the name 'Cristine' sounds pretty. (Ahk!)

I Have SCENE It 1: Vote Wisely

2010-07-15T12:56:00.000+08:00

Seen: From a fan-flyer of a political candidate in my town. While I was reading his credentials, I have to reread it a few times. Then I gave up. You go figure. Learnings: Say what?! Make it simple, dude. Mind you, he won the elections topping the elected councilors list. Actions speak louder than -- words?! =================================================================== "I Have SCENE It" will be my photoblog -- catching momentous spirits, weird angles, funny captions and signs. This is not intended to mock at people, albeit degrade someone else's morale because of erroneous activities luckily 'scened' by my camera. That is why there is the 'Learnings' part. We are humans after all. Laugh at the photos if you like, then ponder later on.

Tears, Stop Falling

2010-07-14T09:34:00.000+08:00

Tears, stop falling. I don't want them to know I'm hurting, I'm a weakling. Please stop falling. I don't want to lose the heart. I want to keep on trying. Tears, stop falling. You add up to my sorrows, This miserable feeling. Please stop falling. My dignity's at stake; I will keep on fighting. Tears, stop falling. I may not see tomorrow Yet I won't stop dreaming. Please stop falling. After this lonely night, Is another lovely morning. Tears, stop falling. My mistakes do not mirror The whole of my being. Please stop falling. I got to love myself more Than anyone living. Tears, stop falling. There must be a good reason To explain everything. Please stop falling. Someone out there wishes To again see me smiling.

Grow Old -- With Your Wives, Men!

2010-06-25T23:07:00.000+08:00

The acoustic guy is back on the stage as I write this entry. He is now singing Grow Old With You and I thought, how appropriate. I can't help but think about the wives of dirty old men - these men who promised to grow old with their 'other half' but are still looking for 'another half'. This is not my first time. In fact, statistically speaking, this is my sixth. From my point of view, if I were under a case study, I would consider it a significant number, hence, not to be disregarded. Yes, I have had received six indecent proposals from six old married men! But owing to my parents' efforts to raise me as a decent and respectful individual, I always manage to say a firm 'No.' What's with me? This is not to brag about being offered proposals such as this. But I really cannot help asking myself that. I don't know what they see in me. I maintain a safe distance from them all. Their age and socio-economic status are never dragging factors for me. I never give them special treatment. I treat them equals with my guy friends who never mistake me as someone to fall for, thank God! I don't understand at all. Maybe the age is not much helping them to discern that it isn't right to entertain the thought of dating another woman other than your wife. And maybe the status is not much of a help either because they're so full of it they think they can buy just any other woman! Well thank God I'm not just any woman! Thank God I'm never caught in a situation to hesitate and consider options! Because when you're faced to become a factor in destroying a family, there is no other option but to avoid being one. That option is the best solution. Hmmm, the song came to its end now. It made me think again, 'Who could be that man who will grow old with me?'

Hypnotized

2010-06-11T15:57:00.005+08:00

Okay, I know this sounds crazy but I still want to believe that 'faithfulness' is still on top of my priority values. But then again, when the strong force of temptation is right in front of you, displaying such allure and whispering angst of boldness, it becomes a difficult effort to resist. I'm talking about the new definition of temptation as: noun, of extinct species, tagged with such names as lee min ho, johnny depp, timothy olyphant, jerry yan, jason statham, robert pattinson, and allan alcantara I have to include the last name because you see, I see My Sweet at par with the celebrity-temptations on my list. Whenever, and when not, we are together, can't resist the urge to kiss him. (Oh no. Kiss and tell this is.) He's just my perfect leading man. I sure hope he's not an actor, egad! I need to get back to work and shut off this hypnotized mode I'm in. Argh. I miss My Sweet now.

My Room and My Self

2010-05-27T21:29:00.001+08:00

For a couple of years of regularly coming home to the province, I chose not to sleep in my room. I occupied my brothers' room instead. At first, I only wanted a new-yet-familiar room. It gave me that exciting feeling but still welcoming. Until it became a habit. Just recently, when I came home again to attend a friend's wedding the next morning, Mama told me I should sleep in my room. I asked why. Mama would probably say because it's my room yet she simply replied that she had the sheets in the other room cleaned. Funny that I have to ask why I should sleep in my room when it is my room. Suddenly, I realized that I learned to detach myself from what I own, what I have. As I entered my room, I felt an old kind of warmth welcoming me. I looked around, nothing much has changed. Despite the fact that this room was often used by my sister-in-law and my niece when they visit the house, it still looks the way I remember it to be. My enlarged photo hanging above my dresser is still an eyecatcher. Posters of my favorite anime character - Sailormoon, remain stuck at my cabinet doors, badly faded. The Venetian blinds I used to play with while studying are slightly pulled up when I would have preferred them down. Except for the broken TV and the remote-controlled electric fan, everything stayed the way they used to be. I could tell from what I see and feel that I belong here. This is really my room. In analogy (here we go again), my returning to my room reflects a symbollic return to myself. After so much bemusing and wandering, trying new things and meeting new faces, learning and failing, it gives me much pleasure that I still have a grip of myself. Knowing myself creates this security in me. I may have gone to places, but when I'm lost and confused, I would just have to sit back and think of myself. Because myself is the only person I can rely on, love and help most. Myself is the only person who could help me. Sometimes I forget that significant fact. And sometimes I decide to forget myself and look for someone else to cling on to. Only in the end, o would only have myself. I still have to muster that so that everytime I would be challenged by this cruel world, I could easily drag my big self to face it. Welcome back to your room, Tinao! Welcome yourself back.

The Proposal

2010-05-14T01:07:00.008+08:00

Far the stretch of the shore

Enveloped by skies of darkness

Songs playing who knows what for

Breeze enfolding with tenderness

These things bring no less but more

To that moment when you professed

Your love underlining what’s in store

For both of us ahead, more or less

Was I only dreaming when you asked

‘Will you marry me?’ that night

Or did that moment came too fast

I thought I did not hear you right?

But in my heart, I felt, at last

My prayer’s granted tonight

Because it then came to pass

A love’s here to keep, if I might

No dreams, no movies, no fantasies

Would compare to how you made me feel

We danced, we embraced, then we kissed

You cried, I smiled, we would stand still

You told me this was your fervent wish

I thought I was born to make it real

So underneath the stars, I said, unease

‘Yes, I will marry you!” with a thrill!

I really don’t mind if you don’t have much

So long as you are there for me

To have and hold, or to get in touch

When miles away you are to me

Near or far, in cases as such

Of my love you are always worthy

For we share a love where two’s a match

And where a ring’s not much necessary.

- by Tinao | May 14, 2010

Sasabado Heat and Hits

2010-05-01T14:51:00.000+08:00

It's one of the icky, inconvenient Saturdays of summer when I'm leaving my half-day period at work aboard an airconditioned bus. The plus of hopping in a public vehicle from Ayala at past half of noon: you get to choose your seat where you're most comfortable -- and where you get to avoid the aircon blast stiffening your hair and making you catch a cold when you get out. The long 45-minute trip back home would usually be an opportunity for me to get my nganga-sleep. You know, that kind of sleep when you're just too tired from work and you rest your head back and minutes after you're sleeping with your mouth open. Disgusting but natural. Deciding on how beautiful you would look while sleeping is not really one of the 'optional' things we have on earth. I was ready to doze off, until a Korean lady hopped in from Megamall. Let's call her 'Sasa', in reverence to this Korean lady who made my Saturday delightful. Sasa hopped in the bus but chose not to sit herself amidst the many vacant seats. She just stood beside the driver, held onto the rail while the bus drove on. The konduktor (he who collects the fare) told her that there are still many vacant seats at the back. Sasa replied 'I'm off at the next stop.' To which the konduktor said, 'Ano daw?' The guy next to me, in kindness, clarified what she said 'Bababa daw sya sa Ortigas.' To this the konduktor insisted that she take her seat and Sasa obliged. But then the driver was alarmed, the bus is taking the Flyover route, which means that it will take Sasa farther from Ortigas if she's off at the next stop rather than if she drops off before the Flyover. And so Manong Driver told the konduktor to tell Sasa to get down before the Flyover. To this, the obedient konduktor approached Sasa scratching his head and said, 'Ma'am, me up, you down!' The bus was immediately filled with the passengers' roaring laughter, including my own. The lady beside Sasa courteously explained that she has to get down or she'll walk farther going back. So Sasa got down. End of the story. It was a delight, not to be sarcastic, to hear the konduktor speak in English. According to him, he was caught in a do-or-die situation where he gave all he has got. He made all the efforts to communicate, no matter how others may think he was committing nonconformity to the subject-verb agreement. Screw that. What matters is he was able to relay his message, and Sasa, to an extent, understood the message. It counts to communicate. It brings you to where you want to go.

Mine!

2010-03-16T08:16:00.003+08:00

Someday. Two months from now. Zero savings. Snap! Snap! Come to Mama.:)

Sweets from My Sweet

2010-02-16T18:44:00.006+08:00

Two days before this lousy celebration of Valentine's Day (hehehe), and following my usual routine of going straight home after office, I received an alarming SMS from my brother which imperatively read "Sis, tawag ka." When you receive such a message, you begin to wonder if the sender is caught in a compromising situation and in dire need. He's my brother, so I rang. How stupid of me that at that moment it did not brush my head that my brother has this nature of spoiling things. The next few moments of speaking with him over the phone stripped off every element of a surprise being a surprise. He just told me I got a package and it's from Allan, my sweet. So the surprise idea was already transmitted to my brain. But as to the content of the package, it had me twitching in excitement and my head bleeding with guesses. I had one guess correct; the others in my mind bubbles just popped into thin air.

So cute and really sweet.

This one I guessed right but I never expected this much.

The Valentine presents filled my heart with gladness I felt it nearly exploding. Thank God it did not, but my tear ducts did. My sweet has his ways of making me feel loved amidst the distance. Thank you, Allan.

Because You Said So

2010-02-04T21:47:00.000+08:00

In the past, before contracts were even invented and parties concerned learned to write their signatures on capsules or papers, people got to transact or deal with others by way of TRUST. There would only be verbal, undocumented agreements but still, there was such a thing called 'palabra de honor' or [so did my Spanish class taught me] word of honor. Up until today, you gain friends and more importantly, TRUST when you tell someone you would do something and you deliver it well. You keep your word. You do as you say. As a result, there is a harmonious relationship between parties -- you with your friends, brothers, sisters, parents, colleagues, or your partner. And what happens when you do not do as you say? There is a broken agreement. There is a created tension. There is disappointment, frustration. You give the other person a reason not to trust you the next time. In court, it's more or less called the breach of contract if everything was placed in paper. It's very frustrating. But when caught in unavoidable circumstances, there's always a way to make up even before you break an agreement, even before you come to that point of not fulfilling what you said. If you can say ahead of time that you cannot do what you said, you could tell the other person beforehand. And if you really can't avoid the occurrence of another urgent matter that would hinder you from keeping your word, you could negotiate afterwards and, compromise. I'm sorry. I'm feeling a little upset now. Goodnight.

My Valiant

2010-02-01T16:58:00.001+08:00

I was google-ing for 'Lingayen Educational Center' when I came upon a link that features the death of Valiant, a very dear friend and classmate of mine from high school. Then it brought back so many fond memories of us in high school -- mostly I would imagine him beaming and could not stop himself from smiling or giggling. The memories are so Valiant-like.

His name was Richard Valiant Correa [Primicias].

U.S. TO GIVE FULL MILITARY HONORS TO FIL-AM SOLDIER KILLED IN IRAQMANILA, JUNE 14, 2007 (STAR) - The US government will provide full military honors to Filipino-American Army Sgt. Richard Valiant Correa, who was killed in Iraq, during his burial in his hometown of Lingayen in Pangasinan tomorrow. Correa, 25, was killed by an improvised explosive device during a dismounted patrol near Ilbu Falris in Iraq last May 29. Correa served in Iraq under the 10th Mountain Division of the US Army’s 2nd Brigade Combat Team, based in Fort Drum, New York. “In recognition of his valor and dedication, Sergeant Correa will receive posthumously the Bronze Star Medal, which is the fourth highest US military award for gallantry in action, as well as the Purple Heart Medal,” the US Embassy said in a statement. US Brig. Gen. Harvey Landwermeyer, assistant division commander (support) of the 2nd Infantry Division, Korea, and a funeral honor guard from the 8th Army Korea, together with military representatives from the US Embassy, will attend Correa’s burial. Correa was born in the Philippines on May 20, 1982. He spent two years of his early childhood in the US, then returned to Lingayen and in 1999, graduated from the Lingayen Educational Center. At 17, he moved back to the US and starting in 1999, served in the US Air Force for four years. In July 2004, he re-enlisted in the US Army. – Pia Lee-Brago

http://www.newsflash.org/2004/02/hl/hl105756.htm

Tonight I Cry In Silence

2010-01-24T19:24:00.003+08:00

My pains, my troubles

I whispered to the darkness

'Cause your absence doubles

My hunger for happiness.

The darkness always replies in silence

And embraces me with sympathy.

It eagerly awaits and listens

Whenever I want company.

For what use are words

If we are worlds apart?

What significance is a call

If we haven't much time to share, from the start?

I'd like to tell you everything

That bothers my mind and soul.

But I end up saying nothing

Unsure if I can trust you at all.

If I tell you now, would you listen?

Would you even care?

Or would you probably hasten

'Cause they're calling you out there?

Another day, another night

I always wait in vain.

But I also always try to fight

With all my might, the pain.

For what more is painful than not

Having you here beside me?

When you are the only one I got

who knocks me off completely?

So tonight I cry in silence

And whenever there's no you.

I tell the darkness, in pretense

That tomorrow I'll be with you.

-- Tinao

Cardology

2010-01-23T19:08:00.005+08:00

Cardology - the art of making my heart melt by simply sending me cards -- in a surprising or clue-ing manner.

Traditional, yes, but when I receive cards from loved ones, my heart goes giddy-ly happy and sings shalah-heh-shalah!

I got this really special card from Allan for Christmas. Only it arrived a little late for last Christmas or a little early for this year. It does not matter because I super love the card! It has our photo on the front cover which I think is so sweet and the words inside were just, ah, perfect to take my breath away.

Thank you, Allan. I still think you're the sweetest thing on earth. Sweeter than chocolate.

How to Eat Pandesal with Hot Choco

2010-01-19T10:03:00.003+08:00

When confused, food naturally becomes a good company in lieu of, well sometimes, a person. That's why they coin something called 'comfort food'. Exactly what, food gives you comfort.

On my way to work today, I passed by a store which sells pandesal (the traditional bread of Filipinos which means 'bread of salt', thanks to my Spanish clas s in college). The store is called The Bread Bag. It opens as early as 7:00 AM. I looked at their menu, and I felt greedy instantly. I must be really hungry. :)

So how to best eat pandesal? With HOT CHOCO! Coffee will do too! 1. Pandesal in the bag for sealed freshness and the hot choco to match it.

2. Hot and healthy. It's wheat pandesal!

3. Break thy bread, share if you may!

4. And now the best part: Dip it! Yummy!

Enjoy pandesal everyday.

New Beginnings

2010-01-01T08:02:00.005+08:00

Anytime is always a time to begin if you want to. But the New Year is a classic point of hoping, planning, and deciding to make things anew or simply welcoming changes. I cannot believe it's 2010 already. It seemed like it was only yesterday when I resolved to be a better and not a bitter person. I told myself I would be forgiving and ever-learning. I committed to enjoy my life each day, and not to expect things about tomorrow because it might not come. These were what I had on mind when I welcomed 2009. Now that 2010 is here, I still want to become a better, forgiving, and ever-learning person. I still do not want to expect about tomorrow, but rather, carpe diem! Expect not, keep hopeful. Add a little faith, if that is the most I can do. Stick to my family and swarms of true friends -- those people who stuck with me unsolicitedly especially when I was wretched and lost. Late last year, I took another shot at love, sure. But there is nothing wrong with loving myself more, which I do now. There is nothing wrong with protecting oneself -- it is the most basic human instinct. Besides, if I did not learn from my past [terrible] experience, I do not know if I could still count myself human. Father Bok cited me as an example during his Homily last night. [He did not mention my name though.] He recounted how I would cry with so much emotional baggage when asked about my former boyfriend. But even in between sobs, with so much faith, I told him that everything's not yet finished. The best is yet to come. He told his audience that, now that 'she' [referring to me] has a new boyfriend who is abroad, she apparently is happier. He added that the new boyfriend makes her happy. Father Bok's statement makes me want to stand up and certify that fact. People with me at the choir's nook would glance and smile at me. They knew I'm on the grill. It does not bother me though. It is not finished. Live. Laugh. Love. Make each new beginning hopeful and do not stop till victory is at hand. God is faithful! Happy New Year!

Farewell, EITSC!

2009-12-29T17:13:00.007+08:00

It feels strange having to say goodbye to someone you love, aye? Especially when you don't feel like going but you must go. It just brings tears to the eyes. Today is my last working day at EITSC. For more than 2 years, I have grown to love what I do and who I do my (or not my) job with. I worked with various people in here and I must say, I enjoyed working with them even if it means having to disagree with their ideas and debating on work issues more than half of the times. My apologies to some people I screamed at and who may have thought I'm a katipunera from my past life. I think I learned how to handle certain things maturely now. It was just me and Ms. Ga in the office. And while I must turnover things responsibly, we took breaks [and fotos] in between work to share views on just about anything. And by breaks, I mean these --

And since it was only the two of us, we decided to take our lunch out, her treat. It's her farewell gift to me. We did not really want to take long walks so we agreed to have lunch at Earle's, the American way. Pfft! We were not really hungry, you can tell!

We took our time walking the paths along Buendia. I'm afraid I won't set foot on the pavements of The Columns more often after this year so we took advantage of the opportunity at hand!

And just as I was waiting in line for my turn at the nearby bank's ATM, we chanced upon an interesting Honda car. Suddenly we were like little boys drooling over a really good toy. I am not really sure what the exterior material is made of but it's like fiber glass. Asteg!

I am so going to miss EITSC. This must be how Mav, Ms. Ree and Lala felt when they left EITSC... and me. Drama! All the best for all! Happy new year!

I Got A 'Baby'

2009-12-16T08:32:00.003+08:00

Allan gave me a 'Baby' for a birthday present. No, not the cute tiny creature moms love to cuddle. It's an Apple iPhone 3Gs! Too much trouble for him, I think, to buy me such a thing but he said 'It's nothing. Anything to make you happy.' Oh God, I told you he's the sweetest thing! My Sweet. Thank you! Thank you!

I'm calling it my 'Baby'. I'm still at the insatiable point of exploring the features of my Baby. Except for the initial disappointment that I could not immediately use my existing simcard because it's locked for some reasons yet, I'm happy there's an iPod in it! Now I could listen to songs, songs, and more songs! I'll be off to Greenhills this Friday to have it open-lined. I'm crossing my fingers it won't be bastardized.

My Sweet, I can't thank you enough. I love you!

Sunday's Best!

2009-12-13T21:34:00.004+08:00

This is a great Sunday! Minus Love (my cousin who already went home to Pangasinan), my homies are comfortably at home and the thought of having ourselves gather for breakfast is just fantastic. I went to hear the 7:30 AM Mass today. I left the house like a thief because I was careful not to wake my housemates who were still under their sheets. It’s Sunday anyway and I think everybody deserves to rest – even God rested on the seventh day! When I returned from Mass, Regie was already awake but still indecisive to get up. In a weary voice he asked where I went and I told him I heard Mass alone. He scoffed at my reply because it was unusually early and I would most likely tag him along to hear Mass with me. In my defense I said, I wanted to get back to sleep early too and I think he understood because he decided to sleep again. I did not sleep right away. I felt like emailing My Sweet first so I did. Then I heard my stomach growled. It would be bad to go to bed hungry, I thought. I decided I would cook breakfast first. My brother SMSed that he is on his way home already and I’m sure he could bear with my cooking because I know he would be hungry too from work. Omelet was my top choice for our breakfast menu, with onions and tomatoes. We have not had eggs for more than a week. Besides, I do not make bad eggs at all, just average output. In addition to steamed rice, it would not hurt to add another carbohydrate-inducing option, albeit an instant food favorite at home, Lucky Me Pancit Canton! These would count at 'satisfying' for empty stomachs. While cooking the omelet, my brother’s arrival signaled getup time. He has a special talent for distracting people at sleep, which he could not apply on me. The house was bouncing, and this has not been the case for so many weeks now when there were only two or three people at home. Today, everybody is at home. Today, everybody is up and alive. And with all honesty, it is a good and relieving sight for me. Just thank You, God. As soon as I finished cooking, we all gathered at the table for breakfast. I asked if there is a new DVD we could watch afterwards. Regie said only Christian’s [Bautista] music CD is new on the rack. Ate Melyn suddenly blurted a laugh and echoed ‘Christian! Christian!’ – at which point Peter and my brother jointly laughed too. Maybe I was still hazy or already feeling sleepy but I cannot miss the laughing trip so I asked what the matter is. Without really coercing them to share what they were laughing about, my brother volunteered to recount his most embarrassing elementary experience – pooping in his pants! Ate Melyn, Peter and my brother went to the same elementary school. My other brother, Christian, was Ate Melyn’s classmate. One school morning before their flag ceremony began, another student came running to my brother Christian and, lacking discretion, disclosed the news: “Christian! Christian! Amay agim, si Cleo, akatae!” Translated to English, “Christian! Christian! Your brother Cleo pooped in his pants!” Hahahaha. More hahahaha! My eldest brother must have felt nearly disowning our brother Cleo at that point. Even if it was against his will, my brother Christian brought our brother Cleo home with two umbrellas covering his behind. According to my brother Cleo, it was the longest walk he has ever done, with multiple stops in between to suppress nature’s call, but always unsuccessful. He left a trail along the way like Little Red Riding Hood, only those were not crumbs. Ewww! Then the table turned to me. My brother Cleo also recounted my embarrassing experience when I sat in a class for a week in their school because my school was on an earthquake-break then. Out of frustration to write the cursive of ‘R’ and neglected by a cousin who was sitting beside me to teach me how, I unnecessarily bawled when the teacher asked the class to submit the written exercise. I was not an official part of the class but being the go-getter that I know I am, I was really disappointed. My disappointment was expressed in my unstoppable weeping. My brother Cleo’s attention was called so he could bring me home. “Gala la ta unsempet ta la,” (Come now and let’s go home.) he said while tugging at me. I was crouching with my head between my knees trying to hide my face when I answered, “Agko gabay. Dakdakel ni sali.” (I don’t want to. There are still many feet around.) I was referring to the feet of the pupils of that elementary school. They gathered around me like spectators of a show – a show of my embarrassing behavior. They were laughing at me and waiting for my next step or another delivery of a punch line. My brother pulled me out of the school grounds and I no longer resisted. I knew then I could no longer save my face. I never came back the next morning. I was remembered as a crying baby in that school. We could not stop ourselves from laughing. It was a hearty breakfast with my cooking and funny elementary memories. Certainly this won’t be the last.

*****

We ate our late lunch at Mang Inasal where I had three (yes, 3!) cups of rice. Screw the diet now. Starvation is an immediate problem, plus my head is near explosion for thinking of what to get My Sweet for Christmas. Even my guy-homies were not really of a big help.

*****

The sweetest thing on earth for me – My Sweet Allan, just called. I missed his first call. I was doing the dishes and sharing good laughs over a documentary film on the television when he called. When I went up to my room to check on my phone, there was the missed call. It was just 6:00 PM, earlier than his usual call time. The funny thing is I was actually expecting his call at this hour. He has ESP! Allan’s been acting strange lately. He has been calling me every night (if that is a weird thing) since last week. I am actually loving the calls and it makes me upset whenever I miss his calls. But is it not costly for him to make the calls? I never have the nerve to ask. I only want to make the best out of our conversations. But I told him that I want to call him some times too, only I am not sure if he’s in the middle of something at work or what. So I never really tried calling him since he returned. The previous phone conversations have been sweeter each time and did I say strange too? He is talking about puzzle pieces that I have to put together, if you know what I mean. He would talk about his plans upon his return in May next year. He would give out ideas which apparently are clues to something. I am not so dumb not to get the picture but he scares me. In a good way, I guess. I only want him to come back to the Philippines safe and healthy and swine-flu-free. I miss My Sweet Allan. I love him so much that I wish tomorrow is already May.

The Wedding Singer

2009-12-07T12:25:00.005+08:00

I have been singing at weddings from the tip of the Ilocos Region up to the tail of Southern Luzon since 1998. Boy, I have come this far. Maybe I should be considering it as a serious career by now. But, no thanks. I would say I have not reached the professional level yet, and most of the weddings I sing for were of relatives and friends -- people who could honestly appreciate and endure my voice for the sake of, well, kinship. The recent wedding I sang for was last November 30. It was a wedding of the daughter of my teacher-aunt's District Supervisor to a gentleman from Dagupan. I thought there was a convention of public teachers or so. They were dressed in their best olive green gowns, and much as I hate to say it, they put on their best shining, shimmering accessories which they only get to wear during these occasions. So okay, I would pass being the queer-eyed critique for the worst and best dressed teachers, oops, principals. I was late for the bridal march so Regie took the lead for "Angels Brought Me Here'. The couple were already at the altar when I arrived. I saw the bride wiping off her tears. That wasn't a first time scene for me. I mean, I have seen several brides weeping when we sing them songs especially if the song is the couple's lovesong. I have seen a couple cry too! Is that what they call the tears of joy? I have this funny feeling the brides might be thinking they're about to make a big mistake and they can't turn back. But hey, it must be really love. I was told once, 'You must get there to understand what it is.' Hmmm. Okay, okay. Speaking of getting there, I nearly choked on my food when I was cornered by my cousin while having lunch. She said, 'You're singing for a wedding again. Will you always remain the wedding singer? And who would sing for you when your wedding comes?' Answer: deadly silence with rolling eyes. Interpretation: I have no freaking idea. She's actually freaking me out whenever she puts me in the hot seat. She grinned. And that means she had me thinking like Plato.

*****

Phone beeped. An SMS. I checked the clock, 10 minutes past midnight. Am I dreaming? No. It was a message from Jhia. 'Tin pwede din yung Two Words ni Lea Salonga.' She was suggesting the song of Lea for her bridal march. And yes, like the suggestion cannot wait for tomorrow. I thought she might be expecting a reply so I hit her back with 'Mabagal ang transition ng words. I sing that song for the exchange of vows.' Then it was a peaceful night after my message was sent.

Jhia is getting married on May 2010, with Jaicus. He asked, she said yes. The proposal was made in Singapore with Jhia wearing sleeveless blouse and well, her usual self. But she did bring a dress to Singapore, only she was not expecting the proposal to be delivered soon before she could change costumes. Hahaha. But I love how the proposal went -- when Jhia least expected it. Because proposals are supposed to be surprising, aren't they? So Jhia, you had it.

Congratulations to you both! And yes, I will sing at your wedding.

Arbitrary

2009-12-04T12:00:00.003+08:00

Simply by lack of purpose. Or maybe I know what my purpose is, only it is overshadowed by so many things running inside my head now. Don't judge me.

*****

On Tiger Woods' extramarital affairs.

I. just. could. not. believe. it.

I have this distinct admiration for Woods. He has the discipline. He has the determination. And now this. It was disturbing. And they're treating marriage like it's a business deal! Oh no. Whatever happened to his 'family values'?

This brings me back to my trust issues. Uh-oh. No matter how you think a man is full of his values, you can still never tell. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.

*****

On my Christmas gift list.

It's December and I haven't started writing down what-to-buys-for-whos. Not in the mood for smart buying yet. SM's been displaying that 0% installment on credit cards for six months. But in times like this, I chant Luke 22:46 which says '...pray, lest you enter into temptation.' Amazing! I haven't been using my card since end of October.

*****

On Lovebug.

Ooooh! I'm loving this song! The acoustic flavor creates bubbles on top of my head. I don't need anyone popping them out now. :)

*****

Happy birthday Father Bok!

If You're Not the One

2009-11-30T23:45:00.001+08:00

I'm posting the lyrics of 'If You're Not the One' by Daniel Bedingfield. But I like Nikki Gil's rendition more, coming from a female's point of view. This song makes me miss Allan all the more, and still stay in love with him.

IF YOU'RE NOT THE ONE If you’re not the one then why does my soul feel glad today? If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way? If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call? If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all

I never know what the future brings But I know you are here with me now We’ll make it through And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am? Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don’t need you then why am I crying on my bed? If I don’t need you then why does your name resound in my head? If you’re not for me then why does this distance maim my life? If you’re not for me then why do I dream of me as your wife? I don’t know why you’re so far away But I know that this much is true We’ll make it through And I hope you are the one I share my life with And I wish that you could be the one I die with And I pray in you’re the one I build my home with I hope I love you all my life

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am Is there any way that I can stay in your arms? ‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today ‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right And though I can’t be with you tonight And know my heart is by your side I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

*****

And of course the video I made as my birthday gift for myself. Thank You, Lord. For everything. You always know what's best. :)

*****

Thanks to Ms. Ree for the couple-caricature I used here. I miss the Ria-Jason tandem. :(

My 27th on the 27th

2009-11-27T17:47:00.002+08:00

SMS birthday greetings an hour after midnight (Jerico) an SMS two hours later from another (Mac) and still more SMS that welcomed my eyes in daylight (Mama and Sir Jacoba) 2 missed calls from an unknown caller (Allan) consecutive SMS from darling sissies from the ministry (Glenys, Tine and Liway) facebook greetings (too many of them) SMS greetings from my next employer next year (yeah!) another SMS from an unknown sender who i thanked anyway cousins thoughtful greetings coming in (there's just too many of them too) friendly greetings from luzon, visayas and mindanao (wow!) instant messages popping up (Edward, Ferdie, Eboy, Mabel and Junlee) german volunteer remembered my birthday (wow too!) former colleagues (RBAP & IIEE peeps) the anticipated call after office (finally) but i was wishing we could have talked more. frustrating. this is harder than i thought. Happy birthday to me, nonetheless. Thank you Lord! If these are everything that would happen today, it would still be a good day. I am blessed!

Missing Him

2009-11-10T18:00:00.002+08:00

Just that. I miss him terribly, my Allan. :'( I could not say more than that.

So Close No Matter How Far

2009-11-10T10:19:00.000+08:00

Yes, kami na. How did it happen? I don't know. I just heard him whisper in my ear "I love you and Im coming back for you." in the car and I just said "Thank you." The next thing, he was kissing the back of my hand and hugging me real tight saying, "Arrrghh, I dont wanna go." And I being the angel, keeps on saying, "No you have to go or you'll lose your job." That was Sunday night, while we were on our way home from his uncle's big house. I was not really able to absorb his ILY declaration because I know, minutes after, I will be facing a greater ordeal: introducing him to my father. Kaya di ba ang ganda ng sagot ko: Thank you? Hahahaha. Wala sa sarili. Then siguro nakahalata sya that I was not being myself, he asked "Is your dad home by this time?" I looked at him and answered, "Yes, I believe so." Tapos natahimik sya. "Is it alright if I meet him now? I will tell him why it took us this late." (By late he meant 6:00 pm. Heheheh). I said, "Ahh... maybe." Pero syempre, kahit wala ako sa sarili ko, wala na din naman ako nagawa kundi ang pababain sya and let him do the explaining. Nung inintroduce ko sya, my father was busy scanning the TV for some good watch. So humarap lang sa kanya ang Papa ko para iacknowledge ang presence nya then back to the TV ang eyes ng matanda! Ang suplado! Grabe. Kinakabahan ako, big time! Then he started explaining that there was a party sa house nila kaya na-late kami ng uwi (again, 6pm pa lang nun) pero di sya pinapansin ni Papa and Mama comes to the rescue saying "No, no, it's okay." I looked at my mum's expression and I think I could interpret this instead "You can still take her out until midnight if you like." Para akong binubugaw ng nanay ko. Hahahaha. And my father just scanned channels. Nung nagpapaalam na sya para tumuloy na, congrats ulit kay Allan dahil tinignan lang sya ng tatay ko at balik ulit sa TV ang atensyon. Suplado to the nth power! Hahahah. Then when he left, I heard my mum doing the explaining sa interrogation ng tatay ko. Di pa ako pumasok ng bahay until wala na akong naririnig na diskusyon. Nung pumasok ako sa bahay, deretso ako sa kwarto. At narinig ko ang tatay ko sabi, 'Hindi na ba yun kakain?' Di na ako kumain dahil alam kong masasalang ako sa hot seat. Pagkahiga ko sa kwarto ko, syang tawag ni Allan. Parang ilang minuto lang yun nung magkahiwalay kami. Bungad nya sa phone, "Are you alright? Did I get you into trouble with your father? Would you like me to come back?" Ano ba?! Andaming tanong. Sabi ko, "I'm okay. He's settled now. At least I got over the hard first stage of introducing you to him." Sabi nya, "Are you sure? I'm worried. I love you." Hmmm, medyo nakahinga na ako nang maluwag kaya walang alinlangan at pakundangan ko syang sinagot: "I love you back." He was saying some other things pero I did not really mind. Nasa isip ko lang nun after I told him I love him eh kami na. At kami na nga. Syang tunay! Makabawi man lang sa wala-sa-sarili kong sagot earlier na 'Thank you.' Ampangit di ba?! It was 630pm, 8th of November, when I put the phone down, still in a dreamy mood.

*****

He left me something to keep. He left me his late father's necklace with the St. Luke and St. Christopher pendants. His late father gave it to him before he died. Creepy noh? Mamaya bigla hilain ng tatay nya sa akin 'to!

At kung malinaw-linaw pa ang pag-iisip ko (because when he was saying these things eh nabablock ng kaba sa pagmemeet nila ng tatay ko yung mind ko), nasabi din nya that he will come back in May to properly talk to my father for some arrangements. I asked, 'What arrangement?' And he said, I wanted to propose to you properly. And I said, 'Ah.' (Don't you think Im just so smart with my answers?) And he smiled. Ayun muna sa ngayon. Seeing him leave makes me weak. :(

What Good Is A Typhoon?

2009-09-30T18:12:00.004+08:00

Simply putting it as a typhoon would understate its effects. No, there were no strong winds that left houses roofless like Milenyo did. But Ondoy, oh Ondoy, your typhoon name sounds so cute but your wrath inundated roads, businesses, houses, and lives. You are terrible. There are many writeups in the Net about Ondoy and the evidence of its trail in Metro Manila. But what was I doing on a Saturday of heavy downpour? I had all my time to sleep that day. I stayed up most of Friday night until past 12:00 AM watching Dr. House and his team, enjoying their differential diagnosis each time. Saturday welcomed me with an enticing pouring of rains; I felt sinful but I had all the excuse to be a sloth. Enticing because I could curl on bed all day, what with the cold weather. But not for long. My brother woke me up to convince me to relay a message to our landlady. He complained of cockroaches crawling out of our bathroom's drainage hole, because the strainer was out of place. Cover it, I mentally suggested. But then he was persistent of ruining my lethargic mood so I did sent an SMS to our landlady anyway. I stayed on my bed though with my thoughts kicking already. Whoa, the sound of the rains could translate a rainbath into a hard back massage. I went down to pee and was welcomed with crawling creepy creatures and my brother's dancing-killing techniques. I only came to realize that by cockroaches he meant MANY cockroaches! Where did they all come from? I never managed to relieve my urine bag that morning. A little hour before lunch, I can hear Regie (one of my housemates) calling me downstairs. You see, I stay in my room most of the time. When I came down the second time, water is seeping through the doorsill that he has to use the dustpan to throw the liquid out of the house. I could hear one of our neighbors shouting, "Dalian mo, tumataas na yung tubig." Of course he meant the water was entering his house, and it was rising fast. Hmmm, I thought Regie could handle it anyway so I went back to my cave. In a matter of minutes I went down to ask him buy us lunch. He did, only to return soaked up to the hips and large raindrops marked his shirt. He changed clothes and we ate lunch. You see, we were spending a Saturday like everything was normal. Until I received text messages from friends asking how we are doing and if we are home. Why the sudden surge of concerned messages, I wondered. I switched on the television. It addressed my question. Marikina, San Mateo, Cainta -- three Philippine geographic terms that would consistently be written in the papers for the next days of the coming week. They all share something in common, along with other affected areas: devastated. I never knew how intense the typhoon was until I saw the scenes on the screen. They were depressing. And I have friends and relatives who live in those areas! I texted them but there was no reply. Come Sunday, the news would bear even sadder stories. My cousin was stranded at the airport. We could not get out of the house. We were watching news on the television the whole day to keep up with, well, the news. I could go on and on relating what happened during that weekend but I'm cutting this short to say what good things I learned. Filipinos are still Filipinos. They help each other. That's the bayanihan spirit. I myself was restless. What can I do to help? In my own way, I sorted my clothes, gave cash, and prayed. I chose to help those people close to me that needed my help. I have a really close college friend whose house was literally swept away with nothing left. I know there are still a lot out there in dire need of clothes, food, drinking water, medicines. These are immediate relief goods but any help they would receive during these times would echo a lifetime. I will be going now. Volunteerism is another thing. :) Mabuhay.

The Cost of Poor Customer Service

2009-09-16T23:32:00.000+08:00

I must be really a magnet for experiences of poor customer service. Early this month alone, I have had encountered terrible treatment from cashiers of two different establishments. Pardon me having to expose the names but sometimes I wish I could have been that person who is bad with names. Knowing myself better than other people in this aspect, I commit to my memory names of people who have extremely affected me – in a good or bad way. This time around, I could still vividly picture the faces, along with their delicately pinned nametags, of those cashiers I encountered. But let me clear this though. I have no intentions to badmouth them. I only wanted to relate my awful experiences with them. Awful because they could have done better. And maybe my awful reaction (yes, I admit to be a horrible monster as a customer!) could have helped them in any way to improve their customer relations. If only my awful manner of confronting them has been taken constructively, it would be great. So do not gawk at me like I’m the bad guy. Hear out my side of the stories first. First Encounter: MINISTOP (Skyland Plaza, Buendia Branch) It was a really early morning and I felt my empty stomach calling for food. I thought, since I have had an unhealthy dinner the night before, I deserve a healthy breakfast that morning. Ministop is a haven! I always think of it that, until this incident. I grabbed myself a sachet of instant oatmeal and a stuffed bread called Twiggies. The damage was only worth PhP22.50. I took out my wallet and, unintentionally, I discovered I have only a PhP500 bill and several coins not even enough to count to PhP10. So I handed out the PhP500 bill only to be given a are-you-serious-about-paying-500-pesos-early this-morning look from the cashier. She quickly put into words what I interpreted saying, “Mam, wala po ba kayong barya?” I said, well-mannered, “Wala eh.” She replied, “Kabubukas lang po kasi ng kaha eh. Wala po ba talaga kayong barya? Kahit PhP22.50 lang po.” What was she thinking? I know I was supposed to pay PhP22.50! So I said, still aware that I should be courteous, “Wala talaga eh. Kung meron binigay ko na sana sa iyo.” And I meant that. Because in the first place, I do not want to waste my time waiting for my change when I could have used it checking my Facebook. Feeling helpless, she turned to her colleague to ask for assistance in obtaining loose bills of smaller denominations. I waited in front of the cash register but I gave way to the next customer so she could pay her purchases. Her items were punched and when the cash register opened, the cashier took her change rashly as if she loved to have me hear the discourtesy. The annoyance I have been disregarding came to a boil instantly. And as if her rudeness was not enough, she closed the machine with a bang that only the most insensitive of insensitives would not notice as a sign of disrespect. I glanced at her namepin, it read Arsil. I kept my peace but I was struggling. When her colleague came with the loose bills and she finally handed me my change, I interrupted her and said, “Ah, Arsil, the next time you encounter a customer with a large bill, you don’t give an excuse that you don’t have change for it, okay?” I was not done with my speech when she gave an unwanted answer, “Eh Mam talaga naman pong kabubukas lang po ng kaha eh.” But in rebuttal I answered back, this time with a pitch higher than my previous statement, “No, you listen to me. You are a 24-hour establishment.(Fact!) A convenient store with cash flows. (Fact!) And it’s not my problem if you have change or not. So you don’t give me the reason that you only opened your cash register this morning when you can ask for loose bills from your manager.” I was thinking I could have added, ‘You’re such a lazy ass to have my bills changed from your previous collections!’ but I chose not to. When I finished speaking, I felt the world (really) stopping and I could only see her and me exchanging uncalled-for words. It was only when she said “Sorry po Ma’am.” did I bring to an end the evil urge to rant some more. People were coming in to buy themselves something but I only realized that when I turned around to leave. They were all quiet. I started breathing normally again when I was outside Ministop. Ah! It will be a fine day. I never set foot on Ministop again after the incident no matter how much I crave for its sundae. (to be continued for Second Encounter)

Maybe Better, Maybe Worse

2009-07-29T17:54:00.002+08:00

Let me borrow my title from one of Nicholas Sparks' predictable lines in one of his novels. If one would ask how I do this time, I would reply with such conviction that yeah, I maybe better or maybe worse. I just had an interesting conversation with a prospective client. Interesting for me, you bet. But maybe she found herself a box of boredom in me for her to say "Or maybe I should talk directly with your training directors, blah, blah." She was a challenging customer. She opened my eyes into seeing what a lame Marketing Officer I was. While she was incessantly stating her predicament about the quote I submitted, I was holding the phone half-thinking I still have a lot to learn. Maybe God was calling me out of my cave again. I did not see myself caught in an embarrassing situation because I wasn't prepared for a rebuttal. I felt gratitude that hey, I actually have this opportunity to deal with. I was hesitant to cut her litany short, and I did not anyway. It was an enlightening moment to hear out what she has to say. And I guess she appreciated what I did in the end despite my attempts to immediately address her concerns. I was just being honest. I was just being myself. I am not sure if a room for empathy is welcome in the corporate world, but that's just exactly what I did. Be reasonable. Be honest. Admit your mistakes. Flinch when necessary. Wow, am i being elevated one step higher to maturity? And responsibility? If my boss was around, I could have been underrated. Who cares. I may have been better now, or worse. The thing is, I learned. Thanks, Eya!

Tamang Timing, Tamang Kulit

2009-07-10T19:32:00.000+08:00

May piging sa ECCP pero hindi kasali ang EITSC. Bakit? Eh sa wala kaming kontribusyon eh. Pagkatapos nilang magpakasawa sa mga pagkaing inihanda, ang tuso kong Boss Dom ay namasyal sa kabila at kunwang nang-usisa. Bakit nga daw ba may handaan at hindi kasama ang EITSC? Pagbalik nya ng opis, dala na nya ang kasagutan sa tanong nya. Tatlong dambuhalang turon at manigas-nigas na vanilla ice cream. Pagmumuni-muni: Hindi kinakailangan ng perang pangkontribusyon para makakain ka ng turon at vanilla ice cream. Kelangan lang ng right timing at kadalasan, tibay ng loob. (Bakit ba hindi ko maderetsong sabihin ang 'kapal ng mukha'? Hehehe.)

* * * * *

Lagpas-hapunan na, pero nasa opis pa rin kami nila Boss Dom at Gng. Ga. Habang inihahabol nilang matapos ang kani-kanilang mga report, ako nama'y pindot ng pindot ng spacebar-backspace para matunugan nilang may nasasalin akong report sa laptop kahit wala. Ang totoo nyan, tapos na yung report ko kaya malaya akong nakakapagbrowse ng Friendster at Facebook (pati Delias). Inaantay ko lang talaga na i-shutdown ni Boss Dom ang laptop nya na sasabayan ko ng hit ng Send button sa email para hindi nya masabing di ko inemail ang report ko sa kanya. Pagmumuni-muni: Muli, right timing. Kapag sinabing within the day ang report, isubmit mo within the day. Counted pa rin ang 11:59 PM hangga't di inispecify ang time.

*****

Tumingin ako sa may bintana para icheck ang lagay ng kalsada. *&^%$#@! Alas syete y media na ng gabi pero bumper-to-bumper pa rin ang trapik. Syang balita ko kay Gng. Ga. Tinanong nya ako kung sasakay ba ako ng bus o tren. Ang aking sagot: "Kapag bus, bumper-to-bumper ang trapik. Kapag tren, butt-to-butt ang siksikan. Malamang hanggang alas nuebe na lang muna ako sa opis." Pagmumuni-muni: Right timing nga di ba? Kung umalis ako ng alas singko, mapapaaga uwi ko. Anong oras na?! Hello???

*****

Tumawag si Gng. Ga sa kanyang kabiyak, si Kuya Edwin. Pagkasagot ni Kuya Edwin sa kabilang linya, syang tanong ni Gng. Ga: "Saan ka uuwi?" Sabay tawa sya. Dahil imbes na itanong kung anong oras ang uwi ni Kuya Edwin, iba ang nabigkas nya. Pagmumuni-muni: Kailangan ko pa bang ulitin? Right timing. Kapag gumagawa ka ng report at bigla mo naisip tumawag sa bahay, maniwala ka, iba ang masasabi mo. Ganyan ang epekto ng paggawa ng Hanns Seidel report. Nakakabuwang.

*****

Have a good weekend!

If He Isn't, Then Who Is?

2009-06-15T22:52:00.003+08:00

Sounds really desperate.

But finally, yes, finally, Anna brought the DVD she promised to lend me a few weeks back. It maybe something really sappy but the title of the movie was plain irresistible and intriguing for someone LIKE ME. (Yeah, like there’s an unidentified, emerging –ism for the likes of me that sooner or later I will be spearheading.) Plus, I get to have a good chat with Bro. Paul this afternoon about my relationship status (which by the way is being joyfully single for now) that seemed to me more like a cross-examination, really. The title of the movie: He’s Just Not That Into You - based on the book by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. (I can see some eyes rolling and mischievous whisperings that this is all too passé or inappropriate. Yeah, like I care!) Okay, so I would like to share some quotable (at least for me) lines from the movie which caught me offguard. Well, simply because I was not expecting those enlightening messages. Scene: Ben Affleck proposing marriage to Jen Aniston. More or less, this was the line. And please consider the pauses [I double-dashed to stress the point]. But actually, the line was the cherry on top of the ice cream. Ben was the ice cream. Hahaha. It was not a very creative proposal but I shed a tear. "And I wanna make you happy. I need to make you happy for me that it even have a shot at me happy. Will -- you -- marry -- me?"

Narration [more or less again] on the last part which basically holds true. I would want to read these lines over and over to my girlfriends. Really, a wonderful guy is not necessary. But, in my personal point of view, I wish there’s one good partner for everybody. And me. Hehehehe.

"... If a guy punches you, he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs. And someday you will meet a wonderful guy and your very own happy ending.
Every movie we see, every story we’re told, implores us to wait for it – the third acts twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes, we’re so focused on finding our happy ending we don’t learn how to read the signs: how to tell the ones who want us from the ones who don’t, the ones who'll stay from the ones who'll leave.
And maybe this happy ending does not include a wonderful guy. Maybe it’s you, on your own. Picking up the pieces and starting over. Freeing yourself up for something better in the future.
Maybe the happy ending is just moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this: knowing that through all the unreturned phonecalls and broken hearts, through all the blunders and misread signals, through all the pains and embarrassment, you never ever gave up hope."

And oh! Here's a deadly line from Jen Aniston that would make guys zombie-still or rethink if they heard the girl right:

"Stop being nice to me unless you're going to marry me."

Cheers to my girlfriends!

Bleached!

2009-06-13T00:46:00.007+08:00

Stupidity over simple things leaves a worse impact than you think. Especially when you had the same mistake once in the past. God, I never learned. Well, what I meant was, using bleach in laundry. I remember way back in high school, when owning a new pair of jeans signified a trendy statement and personally, a reward because of an achievement. My mom bought me this really classic corduroy khaki pants that got me really excited to wear and show. Coming from the mall, I went straight to wash it – the sooner it will be washed, the sooner I will get to wear it, I thought. Then it came to me, I should clean it thoroughly. I have this thinking that because it was handwashed does not mean it is already thoroughly clean. I thought somehow I have to disinfect it. And so the bleach’s role in the story. The bleach was supposed to be mixed with the basin of water but it accidentally dripped on the garment. Disaster! I have a new pair of corduroy khaki pants embellished with white-pink spots that looked like it was ready to meet the floor with water and polish. It met its ill fate to be a rag in an instant. And my face apparently needed some ironing more than my clothes because of what I did. Very stupid. Just this afternoon, I bought this really nice white dress embroidered with intricate black patterns of threads and beads! It was from the ukay-ukay, you bet! But really, it looked like it came straight from the shelves of Plains and Prints or Apple & Eve. The fabric is thick and its weave is similar to coffee bags. I love the total look when I tried it on – conservative yet cute. And because it came from the ukay-ukay, my OC tendencies struck again. I soaked the garment in water with powdered soap and yes, bleach! Bleach would get rid of itch-causing elements of the dress, I thought. I gave the soaking some convenient 15 minutes to get things done the way I wanted it to be. I took a quick shower first before I get to handwash the dress. But what an unfortunate idea! My precious purchase looked like it was inked all over with inconsistent curled patterns down from where the embroideries are up to the waistline. Black prints were there where they were not necessary! The dress looked really spoiled; evident of what a stupid washer I really am. I just threw my hard-earned PhP125 away. I cannot forgive myself. My brother’s girlfriend, who was envious I got hold of the dress first a while ago, was anxious about what I did. I was waiting for her to tell me how stupid I was, and yes, very generously, she told me so. My brother and even Jew came to the rescue, too. My brother gave it a shot at scrubbing one of the many unwanted black imprints but I’m afraid he would only tear the dress if I did not stop him. Jew handed me a bar of laundry soap and suggested I try vinegar too. Hmm, I may have demonstrated severe desperation there for a moment to deserve such attention washing just one piece.

Here are photos to show you my stupidity.

FRONT VIEW OF DRESS

BACK VIEW OF THE DRESS

TORSO (Closer Look)

THE INTRICATE EMBROIDER

THE BEADS (Heavy Ones!)

CAN YOU SPOT THE STAINS?

Down-trodden and feeling really irresponsible, I climbed upstairs to my room for adjudication. I pleaded guilty of stupidity alright, and to uplift my soul, I sentenced myself to watch DVD. I just watched The Other Boleyn Girl. I felt glorious afterwards. I was not the most stupid, after all. Hehehe. But still, I would be a lousy laundry washer. I would drive customers crazy if I were employed in a laundry business. Poor me.

BEDnesday!

2009-06-03T14:11:00.007+08:00

What's with me? I'm becoming a rebel, which I seem to be enjoying. I'm blogging again at the expense of my office hours. One thing: it's easier blogging than painstakingly proofreading the *&^%$#@! modules which, according to my boss, need an overhaul. I demand a separate pay for this! Peace, boss!

Like the surging rain, my spirits are on high -- for blogging. And the rain, oh the rain! It makes me sing Skidamarink a dink a dink, Skidamarink a doo, I love you. Skidamarink a dink a dink, Skidamarink a doo, I love you. I love you in the morning and in the afternoon, I love you in the evening and underneath the moon; Oh, Skidamarink a dink a dink, Skidamarink a doo, I love you!

I stopped singing when the rain got even nastier, maybe protesting. I could see the strong winds carrying the rain away forming ghostly images rapidly chasing each other. The strong winds forcefully push flat the raindrops on my window. There's zero visibility from the 19th Floor even with my eyeglasses on.

Huhummm, I am being elevated to a dreamy state with these scenes. I love this equation: rain + bed + new book = perfect relaxation. But now, I could suit myself to blogging first. Maybe later, I would buy myself a new book. This one. It might give me a hint on what really is wrong with me. :)

Pledges

2009-06-02T15:13:00.006+08:00

I'm wearing a cute pink glittery bow today. It matches my pink-spotted cheeks which I pinched thoughtlessly infront of the mirror until I felt they were close to burning if I did not stop. Just kidding. The bow matches the shade of my lipgloss too! I love my total look today -- fresh and ready to face the world! Apparently, I hope this is just the beginning of putting into action my pledge of reinventing myself and starting anew. I think I'm ready to face the battle against quarterlife crisis (whatever that is). I have not laid my cards yet nor thought of a game plan but feeling good about myself is definitely one critical step I should take. Way to go, Tin! (I'm talking to myself again. Beware. Hehehe.)

*****

Last night, I was repeatedly playing the song "Pananatili" on my laptop. Mac instructed me to study the song well for Allan Punay's wedding on June 28th. Like a student to her teacher, I obliged. I was intently listening to the song when suddenly it dawned on me, "Hey, the message of the song sounds like the Song of Ruth! Only it was Tagalized." And so early this morning, I googled for "Pananatili" and confirmed my realization. "Pananatili" is a beautiful song, not to disregard the music-video, which I posted here, that gave the lyrics justice.

"Pananatili", in the best way I could translate it, means staying or dwelling in English. It is yet another pledge of love -- of staying where the loved one stays, going where he/she goes, dying where he/she dies. The sweetest pledge of love I ever heard. It sounded highly emotional in Tagalog. As the Scripture says (in English):
Ruth 1:16-17 (King James Version)
16And Ruth said, Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God:
17Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the LORD do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me.
It touches my very core that I cannot help crying. I should not do this during the wedding!

*****

There were several times in the past when I was handed a World Vision brochure in different occasions. I was actually very eager to get involved but it came to pass and I never really grabbed the chance. Until a cousin approached me asking for assistance for the education of our niece for college. I must have been very insensitive not to notice that a relative is in need of financial aid. Why am I searching too far? There is nothing wrong with that, I suppose. But charity starts at home. So, point-blank, I pledged my support. It's the least I can do. But still, it's my niece's dream of a brighter future that's at stake here. I'm proud to say, I adopted a scholar this schoolyear, and I'm happy to do so. Carry on!

I'm all too excited to buy supplies for my nephew who is starting his first encounter of school at the Day Care Center. He has been deprived of parental love at such a young age so I guess it would not hurt much if we introduce him to the wonderful and definitely valuable world of studying! Studying means a lot to me. It's high time I impart that same values to the my younger loved ones. :)

*****

Consider this forwarded SMS by Thew one gloomy morning:

"For years I kept a sign in my room that helped me maintain the right perspective concerning yesterday. It simply said... "Yesterday Ended Last Night." It reminded me that no matter how badly I might have failed in the past, it's done and today is a new day to make things better."

And my pledge? I'm going to be a better person each day.

So help me God.

Recharge-able

2009-06-01T13:46:00.013+08:00

Borrowing from Rev. Fr. Marco's message of thanks last Saturday afternoon, I am one with him in the belief that home is where you regain your energy. Whenever you feel the necessity to recharge, home is the best place to do just that. Very true.

This was the very same reason why I asked for a half-day off from work last Friday so I could come home early and hopefully catch up with the rehearsal for the responsorial psalm. Sadly, it did not pursue. But the pep talks and sharings were definitely worth wasting the time. And the rain! So much so it added relief to my burdened soul (What I was feeling was heavier than you can read it here. I could not explain why.) and drama to reinventing friendship and discovering new ones that night. It was also a bonus for me that I arrived just in time to see Jun Pyo on screen. Eeek, I giggle at the sight of him. It is that teenage sensation that brings out the glow on my face lately somehow. Boo. He is just plain gorgeous.

*****

When you sing your heart out, you pour out your feelings into what you sing so that your voice and the song will be delivered well. Just my thought. It has worked for me so many times. And several times, I ended up teary eyed too. That is because singing is one of the few ways I vent the bad feelings that are choking me. Really. And because sometimes, when you can't find the right words to express how you feel, songs were intentionally made to express them more than you can. Weird but often true. I hope Fr. Ed would understand now why I only responded in silence when he remarked "Feel na feel mo yung song ha!" I was feeling tensed at first but enough coaching from that seminarian who sang with me was all it took to diffuse everything inside me. He was very supportive and appreciative. Typical seminarian. Mabolatis.

Singing for me is synonymous to clearing the dark clouds ahead of me. It puts me back to perspective somehow. Try singing soulfully. It does not matter if you are out of tune. It's the heart that counts.

*****

Did you say swimming? Count me in!

I'm no good swimmer but I like drifting and frolicking in the water. And wow, the good conversations with friends while immersed in the pool. Nothing beats that. I left my tears in the pool, unbeknownst to them.

I would just like to say my thanks to those who took time to join me in the supposedly 'unplanned' overnight swimming after the Thanksgiving Mass of Fr. Marco -- Liway, Godo, Te Vilma, Te Dhang, Kuya Ernie, Mac, Regie, Janice, Larry, Jermine, Khayi, Joepearl, and Fr. Bot. Let's go to Baguio next time! Yeah!

*****

What is so wrong with Marlbert?! I did not commit to come to the house warming slash birthday celebration of his relative yesterday. He was merely insisting we should come. I don't remember having business with him not even with the birthday celebrant. And he would tell me they are expecting us. With the likes of Marlbert, there's no need to clarify. Yet unlike him, if I could refuse an invitation, I'd say there and then I could not make it. Better than saying I would come and then won't. Unlike Marlbert, I'm not the no-show type. (Yes, Marlbert, allow me this opportunity to grill you in my own page.) Underpromise, overdeliver. It was just surprising how people treated us when we arrived. Sure, they welcomed us warmly, I have nothing against that. Really, they were nice people! Overly warm and nice, in fact. But I have this impression that I underestimated what Marlbert must have said prior to our arrival. I have this funny, weird feeling that made me really uncomfortable at first especially whenever a person not present was being mentioned. Bad habit.

But hey! I enjoyed the bibingka! I super loved it! And did I say I enjoyed watching and talking to those nice people in there too? But I'm missing A___.

I'm not done with you yet, Marlbert. :)

(Note: I am posting this entry during working hours. I am so tired proofreading! I'm going back to work. I've recharged.)

Mind-Bogglers For Today

2009-05-28T17:07:00.001+08:00

It was an ordinary morning for me, traversing the usual roads going to the office when suddenly, Ting! I was chanting these lines from a song: "I'm a big, big girl in a big, big world. It's not a big, big thing if you leave me. But I do feel that I will miss you much, miss you much. -- Emilia" And suddenly I stopped short, wait, EMILIA? Whoa! What is going on inside my mind? What must have it been sorting out without me knowing it? The lyrics of the song is meaningful, in the same way that the acronym of E.M.I.L.Y for me is quite uniquely meaningful. Yeah. Ask Mav. But why, oh why, did it come to me again?! These things -- mysteries.

****

At work. At first I was having fun proofreading the 9 modules assigned to me. I was confident it would be just a breeze considering how these modules pass through the hands of one of our training consultants. But then again, when I saw the inconsistencies, the incoherence, the S-V disagreements -- I want to apparate! Can somebody fix this as an example for me:

"The blue connector at the end is where the monitor connects to the video card, and the gold contacts on the right are where the video card plugs into the computer's bus."

*****

Welcome to the club! So easy to say such a thing when you encounter a heartbroken person. But the tears, ah! It's a different story altogether. I hate to see my friend's face smudged with sorrowful tears. Especially when just days ago they were happily enjoying the beach, the 'fun and togetherness' (thanks Anna!). And after seriously considering how things were in the past, the verdict was cast: Let's call it off. Guys with all balls and no bats! How could he? What else could he possibly ask for when his GF (now ex) is the most loyal and loving (next to me) GF I could imagine?

I cannot afford to name names first. I have to wait for my friend for her official broadcast. No clues whatsoever. I have enough of mind-boggling matters today, my dear readers. Find this out for yourself. Katrina Halili is out of here.

*****

My friend will be ordained as priest this Saturday along with two others. Hooray! And he called me up yesterday to back his psalmist up in a duet. Anything for you. Oh wait, not without any favor in return! Supposedly, just supposedly, I get married anytime next year, he has to be there to preside or co-preside somehow. Right, right. Nice deal. Let me revise that a bit. No expirations please.

*****

I was given this remark today by a pseudo-colleague: "You're too cute to be ignored. Only fools ignore you (or blind)." I responded: "That's given." However, I was struck at how friends would give such remarks sincerely. Are they really?

*****

Rev. Marco, I would like to personally thank you for the food (hahaha) that you unselfishly committed to give us for our not-so-planned swimming this Saturday night. God bless you a hundredfolds! Note: There's still time to back out. I am so a devil's advocate. >:)

*****

It's the death anniversary of Richard Valiant Correa tomorrow. :( I miss the boy. I miss you pal.

Quarter-Life Crisis Creeps On

2009-05-21T17:04:00.000+08:00

Whatever you are, you make me feel really anxious! I am on my way to something but I am not certain towards what. I feel so lost -- career, relationship, finances, happiness, self-worth. Most people would tell me to do the things I am happy doing. But how could I when I am not really sure what makes me happy? Or if the things that made me happy then would make me happy 2 or 3 years from now? I'm very much afraid of the future. I have been feeling this way a few weeks back, and it's taking much longer to leave. No matter how much I try not to dwell in it, no matter how much I believe I am over it, it's just somewhere inside me -- buried but apparently always ready to resurface. I have been praying a lot lately. My asking for assistance may have put me to sleep soundly for most nights but when I wake up struggling with myself whether to go to work or not, this culprit makes me groping for strength to face the day. And it is becoming a habit, a scary habit. I fear the future. I fear my life now. If it's bad to wish that I sleep tonight and never again wake up after so-so hours, I'm sorry. But I guess I just did. God, please bless me.

April's My Mosts

2009-05-07T07:32:00.010+08:00

For several times I would push myself to post an entry here in my blog. And in the same frequency, I would cite many silly reasons not to write, not to bother. Apparently, it's the strangest thing about me. Me? Not blogging? It has been nearly a month since my last post and I'm single! (Meaning, blogging for me is as significant as having a boyfriend. And, as in the property of displacement, I cannot do both at the same time and with equal passion. Hahaha.) Until now. In the span of time that this blog did not don yet another entry, so many things have happened to me. So many, I lost count and the eagerness to name them all. With options of which my 'most memorable' ones are, here's to give you an idea on what:

1. Most mournful - Lu's death last April 21. However we anticipate that her passing would come, I personally did not expect it would come so soon. Not when I have not bought myself the last book of the Twilight Saga and let her read it to kill her time while waiting for 'the call'. I so miss her. I have been trying to upload the video tribute we made for her but to no avail. The size is just too big I have to chop it to two parts. But the project just gives me the heavy heart and unstoppable tears each time I attempt to do it. 2. Most tiresome - Lipat-bahay. No Gatorade or Alaxan FR (spare me the brabalibintawan chantings, please) would relieve me of the muscle pains. We (just me and another flatmate) started transferring our things (by 'our' I mean there are 7 people owning those things) at 8 AM. I was down at 3 PM, crawling toward the bed with knees shaking and muscles so sore. I now believe that even Superman rests every 30 minutes up, up and away. So why didn't I think of that? And then all I needed was a really long, sound sleep to return to being 'human.' 3. Most productive - Two-trainings at a time. Huh, well, not really very impressive but it's a milestone (for Flintstone's era -- just playing). Kudos EITSC! 4. Most miserable - Do you get that feeling when you want to do something for someone really special and you have no means to because well, the universe does not want to cooperate?! Argh! Terrible. It was like your insides are being squeezed tight and you feel helpless. And in my most sane self I would utter, 'The best is yet to come.' But another voice would want to shout, 'Yeah right!'

April Black Movement

2009-04-01T18:28:00.004+08:00

Ms. Ga calls it the A40D. I say big girls don't cry. Lala says she agrees with me. Today is April 1. Aside from the fact that this day is common for some fooling around, I fool myself into believing that this got to be celebrated. And I got companions to do just that. Foolish companions too but heck, they are just being supportive. We are celebrating a 40-day thing that we thought would mark something significant (or insignificant) in my life. We just thought so. Mourning is not appropriate for our 40-day thing. I just miss someone. I mean, I miss chatting with someone. That was why this 40-day celebration. Thank you Ms. Ga and Lala for the support. I hope to someday chat with 'him' soon.

Sadness Galore

2009-03-24T18:46:00.003+08:00

What's with today? I thought I'd be doomed. This is how it feels to be 'bagsakan ng langit'. But dear God, if these are the worst things that would happen to me today, it would still be a good day after all.

*****

Laptop disaster early in the morning!

I had this strong feeling it would happen to me because I was doing irregular downloads yesterday. Install here, delete there. Enter, enter, enter. Come this morning, my screen greeted me with: "Windows could not start because the following file is missing or corrupt:" For crying out loud! My mind's instinctive reaction was: "Ang files ko!!!!!!!!!"

Like saving a lifeless drowned victim, I was pressing the power on and off -- hopeful to see a message that reads something like: "Joke lang!" But dreaming big early in the morning is not a very good indication of a character fit to be called a 'normal employee.' So thank God the black screen and the message prompt was consistent. And so is my heart breaking and panicking. My eyes are on a warning: tear ducts are about to explode.

I called the supplier. I was having second thoughts while talking to him. He said he'd come and visit the office to check the unit himself. Is he bringing bad shoes or bad news? I was always right with the 'bad', I guess. My laptop needs reformatting. Huh?! But what about my files? He prompted me with a dreadful question that can hardly go through my mind: "Do you do back-ups?" Doomed.

But hey, I'm not just the type who surrenders. Especially when I know people. Hahaha. Yeah, my ex including. Sad fact: I just could not drag my IT-loved-ones to the office and fix my laptop. I have to be resourceful. As soon as this technical guy left, I called our Online Department for support. Jex was accommodating, but I understand he has deadlines too. So I let him explain a few things for me and I helped myself with a little research. My last resort was to consult my ex-beau which I dreaded doing myself. I asked too many favors from him already. He's been very helpful even after the break-up. Fine. I did not call him.

So to verify that my actions are technically legal in the IT-scape, I tried my luck again to call the supplier. I must have charmed the person from the other line. What can I do but be pleasant as I always am? Hahaha. It was another technical support guy. I could not stop him from volunteering to visit the office to check on the unit personally. It must really be my voice this time. So in a matter of 8 minutes, he was at the office. Maybe he did some abracadabra or hocus pocus or bari-bari-bari. Whatever that is that he did, he brought my laptop to life! For free! No service charge even if my unit is already not under warranty. If only my power hug is for free, but no. How about water for an angel who flew from up the scorching sun? He just smiled.

Ramil is the name of that angel, by the way. Someday, somehow, I'll find my way to bump into you and help you too. Thank you! Thank you!

And may I say Rannie was an angel too? In more than ways than one. Thanks Rann!

*****

And like sadness is never contented, it gave me another reason to lumber. I received an SMS from Mac saying Nicklas (aka Nicki) is flying home to Germany ASAP. I have to hear it from the boy. I asked how he has been and he bluntly said without me asking "I'm going home on Thursday." Maybe my eyes are playing tricks on me that I did not read the message right, I have to ask him again. He said, 'Yes, I'm going home on Thursday." But why? He replied, "I just didn't feel needed here." I did not know what to say the next moment or so that I felt the urge to call him.

I need not elaborate how our phone conversation went. But one thing is sure, I feel even sadder. Although he assured me he would be emailing and Skype-ing me (it's tested, he is a man of his words), it did not make me less sad. As if to add pressure so he won't leave, I told him I will not return his Life of Brian DVD. But he didn't budge. Silly me. He is a decisive kid. Or has he grown to be a man already? Hahaha. I am so going to miss Nicki. I wish chocolates would not melt. That way I could have made him promise he would send me boxes and boxes and boxes of them. Only he said it is not possible. Or if it is, those brown goodies would be like water. Nice thinking. But I still feel sad. He could only say he is sorry and ashamed. :(

*****

Four of my participants for my April training just backed out due to an 'emergency'. I'm so used to it. Give me drama because that was not really funny! Argh!

My OLLYM Friendship

2009-03-18T07:48:00.005+08:00

This dates back to my past, And still clings to my present. A bond that’s so steadfast To put simply, adherent. I’ve been gone for a long while Crying and wretched upon my return. Even then you embraced me with a smile I knew that never again I’d go forlorn. Kind words warming my senses, Concerned pats easing the pain, Hugs forgiving my offenses, Certain hopes drifting again. You set me free to wander, Never doubting, never greedy. And when a storm would hover, You’d drag a shelter for me. For seeing me through those times Of heartbreak or defeat You kept me still so I could stand Steady on both feet. When picking up the pieces Seemed difficult to bear The anxiety never ceases Until I saw you there. Clueless I am now how to say My sincerest thanks to you For the help, the love that came my way My heart just says 'I love you, too.'

This video is a tribute to all my friends from the Our Lady of Lourdes Youth Ministry (its members and auxiliary ones, hehehe). Thank you all guys for being there when, well, I was lost.

I would not wait for my death to let you know how much you mean to me. *wink* Just bear with the music though. Boc was making me cry that time and I could not help it. My voice was, hmmm, frog-throaty. :D

I Cry At The Drop Of A Hat

2009-03-10T18:41:00.003+08:00

Catchy, isn’t it? It’s an expression I read from one of my weekend readings. Similar to the Filipinos’ way of saying ‘mababaw ang luha.’ As to the reason why the title, I simply have no reason to explain myself. I have not even the smallest intention to scare steel-hearted guys away who would roll their eyes at the sight of women’s tears. &$$4073$! It takes nothing to make me cry. As Sir Dom would put it, ‘Iyakin ka pala.’ I pictured him having second thoughts of hiring me after catching sight of my tear-drenched face when he handed me the Spongebob Squarepants stuffed toy as a present. Lala would only consider that as my weakness – crying. Tell you what though, I do not cry because I’m a loser. I do not cry to satisfy offenders. I pray for their souls. Hahaha. Rather, I cry at the slightest deed of kindness done unto me. Sweet-nothings would put me at the verge of spilling my tear ducts. Let’s not underrate what DSS could do to me. Dramatic songs and scenes, that is. So what brought me here, lest I forget? These: 1. Ingli’s (Ingrid Tan was a college classmate) surprise SMS that read:

“Remarkable classmates: ‘D ako nakapagreview’ – Pero ang dami sinusulat sa test paper. ‘Ang dali ng test’ – Pero sya ang lowest. Patingin-tingin sa bintana hoping makakita ng lumilipad na sagot. Ginawang notebook ang hita. Nagpuyat para makagawa ng kodigo pero di din nagamit. Sinisipa ang chair ng classmate sa harapan. D magrereview sa gabi, mag-aalarm ng madaling-araw, gigising para patayin ang alarm clock. Group study daw pero nag-iinuman lang. D mo daw na-enjoy ang pag-aaral kung di ka makarelate dito. …korek! Hehehe I miss you charing!”

I have this feeling she was referring to me as the first one. I miss you too, Ingli. Don’t make me cry like this again, please? 2. Armando Solis' playful antics at Betty (la fea). Ate Romeelyn must have noticed I'm missing someone. I was looking up to prevent the tears from falling. Who am I kidding? She threatened me she would text my ex if I did not stop bringing him up. Why does she have my ex's number in her phone? Very inexplicable. Hahaha. 3. Rannie, JM, Ms. Jane and Tito Bel telling me I'm a sweet girl. Really? I did not know that. Again, I do not have to explain myself. But thanks guys for bothering to notice. That's, uh, sweet. Where is my hankie?

They Grew Old But Not Their Love

2009-03-08T13:04:00.001+08:00

What one thing have you first-handily witnessed during your living years that was true and lasting and never ceasing? I have one – my grandparents’ love for each other. This entry was inspired by the episode of Maalala Mo Kaya last Saturday about an old couple growing old together. I thought I could not miss relating too the true love I have seen in the company of my grandparents, my father’s parents, to be specific. (My mother’s parents have the same streak; only they were not as showy as my father’s parents were.) I basically grew up in the loving care of my grandparents when I was young. What with my working mother trying to get our expenses meet and my father toiling with the heat of Saudi Arabia. It was private school since Nursery for me back in the province and my classes were always later than my brothers’. Everyday of the school week, my mother would drop me at my grandparents’ house with my usual straight-from-the-bed form requiring serious conditioning before coming to school. I had always the pleasure of being the first to eat my grandmother’s home-cooked lunch alongside Daddy (+), my grandfather. And always, Mamang, my grandmother, would see to it that everything is in place before we eat altogether – the three of us. She would put rice on my Daddy’s plate primarily and automatically, before she’d turn to me to fill mine. We never ran out of things to discuss over those meals. I could still recount how Daddy would jokingly relate to me the ‘adventure’ of eloping with Mamang. If not because of the robust smell of burnt rice filling the kitchen, my great grandparents would not discover Mamang was missing. Thereupon started the great love story of my grandparents that endured and proof to the ‘till death do us part’ thing. These two significant people showed me true love in more than one way – not only for each other but also their true love for me. Let me give you a brief about them. Daddy, bless his soul, was every inch the craftsman – carpenter, driver, fisherman, MacGyver. More than that, he was the best grandfather (equally the best with my other grandfather)! He was my Bible storyteller – I heard the likes of David & Goliath, Joseph and his brothers, the birth of Jesus Christ, etc. from him first. The books he gave me were like some precious stones to me. He was my backup, my kakampi. He was my number one fan. He was my father figure when Papa was away. He built my confidence. He adored my tiny feet and thin legs. With that he called me ‘tingaw’ because I was really small then. He fetched me from school when none of my uncles were available to do just that. He would fairly listen to me when I tell him how my day went. He cut that part of the newspaper that bore my name when I passed the DOST scholarship exam. He highlighted my name. Did I tell you he was my number one fan? He would remind me not to get a cop or a military man for a boyfriend. And he said, if I could avoid it, not even a seaman. I have always been keeping his memories in my heart. And although he already passed away, I have always known he is never busy looking after me and interceding for my prayers. Daddy, you are sorely missed. Mamang seriously portrays the role of taking charge of the house chores. She is a superwoman! She knows the nooks and cranny of the house more than the house mouse. She cooks good food. It’s no wonder where my uncles and aunts get their waistlines that they do not really bother measuring. Mamang has her ways of showing me her loving-kindness. She would put extra do’s in our before-school routine. A classic example is the demonstration of wearing the socks. She taught me how to do that – that cute bows attached to my pair of socks should stand out so they have to be displayed on the outer part of my legs (I just don’t know how to put it. Mamang could explain better.). She would tell me that over and over until I thought I had mastery doing it, even with a blindfold. If Daddy would require me to have siesta every afternoon so that I could outgrow my ‘tingaw’ monicker, Mamang would simply make the task easy for me by her pats-to-sleep method. Even before Papa’s song cartridges from Saudi Arabia stirred my interest to music, Mamang has already taught me to sing ‘Ako Ay May Lobo’, a piece that always splendidly drew an audience as I delivered. Mamang, like Daddy, never failed to express her admiration to whatever I accomplish – then and now. And just as Daddy has advised, she would reiterate whenever I would come to visit her, never to get a cop clod or a military twit for a partner. I just have this feeling God would not allow me to. ;) Looking back, there were times when I saw them at the brink of arguing and Daddy would bark, ‘Nengneng mo tan ya akulaw,’ referring to Mamang still with that tinge of endearment and patience. Mamang knows better when to inject silence at those times. When Daddy died, I saw grief in Mamang’s eyes that I never saw before. She was differently silent. Mourning to an extent, wishful thinking to another. She verbalized my theory when she said, ‘Daddy, alam ak la!’ That made me cry. It gave me shivers thinking their love could surpass death too. I love them both.

When Getting To Sleep Becomes Dramatic

2009-03-03T16:56:00.002+08:00

Nothing really new. It's just one of those times when I would usually lull myself to sleep with a new downloaded song playing from my phone in the repeat mode. So many times I have been doing this, yet again, there are so many songs I love to sing with each time until I thought I was born with the lyrics imprinted on my head. And now this particular old song which was sung by Teatro Rizalia caught my attention while waiting for the inauguration of our new EITSC computer laboratory at RTU to start. Smoke Gets In Your Eyes by The Platters. I googled for the lyrics and I want to share it with you. Less the drama, it would not be a song most of us would appreciate. If you have loved before, then this one's for you. Listen to it and keep yourself from crying. I failed. Enjoy the song and the story!

Smoke Gets In Your Eyes (The Platters, Frank Sinatra)

They asked me how I knew

My true love was true

I of course replied"Something here inside

Cannot be denied"

They said someday you'll find

All who love are blind

When your heart's on fire

You don't realise

Smoke gets in your eyes

So I chaffed and I gaily laughed

To think they would doubt my love

Yet today, my love has flown away

I am without my love

Now laughing friends deride

Tears I cannot hide

So I smile and say"When a lovely flame dies,

Smoke gets in your eyes."

The Slum Movie That Made A Slam

2009-03-02T18:16:00.003+08:00

Finally, after a body-numbing day of doing some house chores, I managed to fix myself for a movie-on-the-bed therapy. Past the unholy midnight hour and I was still up to see this movie that created so much fuss. If there would be things I would write about Slumdog Millionaire, I would not confine it to the obvious ones which are, needless to say, its commendations and the international noise it created. Rather, I would write something about this film that touched the core of me, something more personal. I found a CD copy (of course ‘copy’ is the keyword) on top of my TV last night from who-knows who. There it was, with a reckless label of the title in blue ink but still legibly interesting: SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE. As earlier said, here are the things that ran inside my head while watching it (which I have to recap after watching): 1. Parallelism of Manila and Bombay on so many things. Of course, there’s the slums (where the term ‘slumdog’ with the likes of Jamal and Salim was coined). Clair Danes knows better how to describe the kind which we have here in Manila. Syndicated begging is nothing new. I let go of a chuckle for the recruitment process the three kids have to undergo – bribed with cold Coke (I presumed) under the piercing heat of the sun. Beggar-kids need our help. :( Call centers! In the IT/BPO industry, Philippines is actually competing with India in providing the supply. And yeah, Indians can speak English too! TV game shows have been part of the Filipinos’ daily lives. These shows somehow provide people a tunnel for escape. These shows mean hope. But I still think these shows form what I call advertised gambling packaged like decent ones. 2. Motherhood and brotherhood. There’s the mother. Funny how the two boys took on the chase with the police officers with mocking ease while dreading the disciplining hands of their mother. This is the same mother who warned her kids and drove them away when there was a (unidentified) mob attack during which she was also hit and died. Salim was his brother's keeper: from the time they lost their mother up to that point when Jamal 'phoned a friend'. 3. True love waits and wins. Jamal delivering these lines is fine proof:

"Come away with me..." (I thought I heard that from Norah Jones.) "I'll wait... I love you." (He did wait for Latika at the train station!) "I joined the show because I knew you'd be watching." (That's being resourceful.)

There's this part of the movie when Jamal kissed the scar on Latika's cheek. Definitely one of my 'aawwww' moments while tears were flowing down my cheeks. I can imagine Nicki saying "Women!" with rolling eyes. It was very symbollic. He kissed her flaws. Don't you think that was really sweet? 4. God is great. Nothing is clearer than that in the movie.

Sad vs. Happy

2009-02-26T12:40:00.004+08:00

Who would like to be singled out and choose 'sad' as an option between being happy and being sad? Amabel. Most people would, of course, want to be happy. That's the ultimate cause/purpose (Philosophy lessons, processing... failed.) of man's life -- to be H-A-P-P-Y. But Mabel's YM status is alarming: three sad faces. That's overly dramatic. So I asked why. She named three various reasons (that's why the 3 sad faces), to quote:

"Sad na hindi na ako matutuloy sa batanes sa march, sad kasi di ko pa palal marereimburse ung plane fare ko sa company kahit na irerefund naman ako ng asian spirit... akala ko lang e magkakapera pa ako... sad kasi madaming work pero may glitch ung Internet provider namin so di ka makapagtrabaho ng maayos..."

I smiled. She really has various reasons to be sad, but i said in rebuttal:

"I'm sick but not sad. I'm happy because I'm feeling better now. I'm happy because I'm able to chat with you. I'm happy because even if my bills are on its way, I still have extra money to buy myself bananas."

The next exchange of YM messages was like music to my ears, okay, lyrics to my eyes na lang. She was starting to laugh. And even before I explain to her the message of the reasons why I'm happy, she realized it. She tried to think of reasons why she's supposed to be happy and not sad. And she came up with these:

"I'm happy coz you're well and in the office right now to care what I feel. I'm happy coz you're trying to make me feel better. At natuwa ako that you can still buy bananas."

So there. I'm overly happy to make someone feel better today more than I feel better myself.

*****

Find reasons to be happy. =)

I thought of Myanmar's political detainees and tell myself I'm more fortunate being able to sit on my chair comfortably after a good lunch and still blog and check Facebook (and Friendster). Luxury at work.

And now I get back to real business.

Para Sa Akin

2009-02-18T07:52:00.003+08:00

Out of words. Still, I can't take the lyrics of Sitti's "Para Sa Akin" off my mind. Junlee was playing the song while I was talking to him over YM last night. Now, I feel like I want to sway with the song. Only if I have a wireless headset. Somebody invent that, please! Anyhow, it is a lovely song. Simple. Meaningful. Love does not coerce! Uh-oh. Here I am again. At least you tried your best. Right, Jun? =p

senseless and random

2009-02-16T14:43:00.003+08:00

i didn't even bother to fix my title. i just want to blurt some things. while doing this, im catching up with an old friend. she made me smile. her name is as 'nice' as Nice. :) i did loveD (okay, the 'D' is the key letter, okay?) him. i felt what we have was real. only it wasn't right for me, and even for him. not for us. i miss him. and hell, who are you to laugh at me? first love lasts (like an impression, and it, too, dies soon). it didn't matter if he looks like a monster. or like a wreck. or a monstrous wreck like shrek. i know and feel better than any of you. judge if you may. i maybe stubborn, or careless. but i am enjoying my life. because i loved. only not good enough for him. not brave enough for him. here present. i am hoping to love more. someone is coming. my Lord makes me feel so. someone God-sent. someone who will pray with me. someone i'd enjoy laughing with, till i run out of breath. someone i'd look in the eye and return me that look that says "message received" without necessarily talking. (ang weird ko na.) and yeah, someone who'll tell me i'm weird but will still hug me tight and kiss the top of my head (sweee-et! but he has to be really tall). someone who'd sing with me too, and wouldn't care if I or he sings out of tune. we'd get along. if he's not all of these, it doesn't matter. so long as i know, he is God's gift, i'd gladly take it. now i need to get back to work. i am so missing someone now. not my ex, silly. someone else. haaaayyy.

Friday Blues Even Men Can't Beat

2009-02-13T07:58:00.000+08:00

I've been away for two days. The 2-day off mood is still in me. I don't want to eat breakfast yet. I don't want to start working yet. But I already started checking my mails. And this certain email from Lala caught my interest and made me choking with laughter till I finished reading it. I pasted it below. Hilarious! WIFE VS. HUSBAND A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?' 'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.' W O R D S A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?' CREATION A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.' The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!' WHO DOES WHAT A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, 'You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.' The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.' Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.' Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.' So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says..........'HEBREWS' - I heard myself really roaring with laughter because of this! Hahaha. THE SILENT TREATMENT A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM .' He left it where he knew she would find it.The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM . Wake up.' Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests. I remember posting a similar entry in my blog. http://ccvf.blogspot.com/2004/09/what-men-and-love-are.html But then again, I'm missing someone. Really do. I hope he knows. Hahaha. Mav, you gotta guess who I'm missing! Another alien. Oh, and Happy Valentine's Day for tomorrow.

Disconnected

2009-02-04T17:27:00.004+08:00

Dependence. Addiction. Way of life. If these are not what Internet brings about in your work or personal life, then you are still capable of saving your sane self, however primitive. I am becoming a mad madman. What without Internet! I cannot imagine. Bayantel is getting on my nerves again. This is not the first time our office’s Internet connection was ‘temporarily disconnected’. And tickle me with the details, because it’s for the same reason: unsettled bill. I asked the impassive customer service representative (Hello?! We teach customer service!) in response to her claim and I know this is yet another déjà vu. ‘Miss, have you sent us the billing statement yet for that unsettled bill? Would you care checking on your records? Who received it and when?’ I was quite in the mood to talk incessantly but I stopped myself. ‘Hold on a second, Ma’am,’ she said. The timer ticks one, two, three, four, five, and counting. I have more than enough time to recall one of the good customer service habits before she came back at the other line – under promise and over deliver. But for her, it has been more than a second! Gracious. She answered my queries with, ‘Ma’am, we would just notify the person in charge to send you the billing statement.’ Now that was very lame! I was still composed, thinking how lucky this lady might be that we were not talking face-to-facet. Or she would be sorry she answered my phonecall. I could transform into a living mascot for UST - a growling tiger should the opportunity calls for it. But, whhhaaattt??? She can't even provide me with some useful information! This is getting difficult each time. This was the same issue I had discussed way back with another CSR but I guess my take was not duly noted. In my best effort, I gave that familiar unsolicited litany of how things this disastrous may have been avoided. You (Bayantel) send the billing statement, we prepare the check, we get Internet connection, you don't get complaints. It's just a walk in the park! To think that there was not even a disconnection notice. I could no longer stand her desolation. I hung up. With a 'temporarily disconnected' status, I could not access my emails. I could not upload my training calendar. No Friendster. No Facebook. No blog. No Chikka. No YM. No Skype. Only more and more difficult work. Hay.

*****

Bright side of life: I did too many calls for a day. Can't they see I'm happy? No, they can't.

*****

Speaking of disconnected, I got an unexpected SMS from this bloke who I somehow missed for several days now. He was disconnected, to put it lightly, because he has not been online since mid last week. I was even worried I might have said something awful to him and scared him away. Hahaha. I know vampires can be really scary but a fan like me can do no more harm than eat cooked pork and dinuguan.

But hey, he has valid reasons to be 'disconnected' at least. Unlike that CSR and her rotten excuses. He got stranded somewhere (maybe there was an avalanche, but I hope not) but still managed to transmit an SMS. His SMS was An Answer to my wonderings. (Why is that?) And yes, I Absolutely Agree that soon enough, I'll hear from him again. You know, like reconnection.

*****

Bring our Internet connection back!!!

Month of What?

2009-02-03T12:17:00.005+08:00

It's February already. I have not been looking at my calendar for the past few days -- either for dread of seeing the transition of the months or just because I'm lazy to tear off the page. Who am I kidding? It's the latter. Why do I dread January ending and February coming? Kathleya answered it for me. I was blowing my hair to dry upstairs when she shrieked in declaration "Eeeeh!!! February na! Valentine's na!" If I were downstairs, I should have hushed her and told her to mind her cooking. My eyes rolled and I sighed. She did not have to reiterate it. Gahz! It's pretty obvious that February is bloody hell here! Establishments at the Araneta Center are posting hearts and cupids in bold red at the store windows -- reminiscent of how Christmas must be near with Christmas trees and carols all around. But I can tell from Kathleya's shrieking that I'm not the only person in the house with issues on February. Well, not really issues, but yeah, more or less. Talk about being dateless. No, in my case, I refuse to date. At least not yet. I had already planned out how I'm going to spend February 14th. I know Kathleya has plans too. She has many plans! And we agree so much in planning to 'get busy' on the 14th. I'm going home to Pangasinan then. Im off to the beach by the day, watch a [seminary] play by the night. Alone or with company. I already told my cousin who has been bum for a while to join me to the beach. She doesn't think it's a good idea considering that she has a boyfriend but she already agreed. And she can't take that back. No negotiations with the brat. And of course she can't take her boyfriend with her! I want the beach to be sightly, and I think smooching lovers will be an eyesore. Eww. It's February alright. And it's not exclusive for lovers! Whoever told it's the love-month!? Huh? I lived my whole life with so many February-ies and I survived them with or without a lover, with flowers and none. Besides, every month (and everyday for that matter) is a time to love, to spread the love!

No Clicks

2009-02-02T15:07:00.001+08:00

"jejeje, ok lang noh, xa yta pnksweet s lhat ng ex ko, promise, pg alm nya my gus2 k s knya li2gawan k nya, gnun xa, jejeje,kya go lng."

That was an SMS from my cousin. I do not see the point of mentioning who she is and who she is referring to. I just related to her that this guy, who happened to be her ex, was asking for my number. And so that message. I thought, whatever happened to courtship not dwelling on mobile phones? Or chat? Or emails? Or anything clickable?! Does love happen in just a click? I don't know. Which makes me upset. Argh! Guys (with the 's'!), work your asses out please. Find me. Or no, do not let me know you are looking for me. I'm often hard to find all the more. Hahaha.

Ang Muling Liham

2009-01-30T17:39:00.006+08:00

Nakailang liham na rin si Mav (aka Mab) sa akin. Ni isa, wala pa akong sinasagot nang may pagtitiyaga. Ang mga natataong liham. Hindi ko alam kung paano nyang nararamdaman na wala ako sa sarili ko gayong sarili ko mismo, hindi ko mawari kung nasa wastong pag-iisip pa ba ako o wala na. Kahit bihira pa kaming magkita. Kung may babaeng Bob Ong sa buhay ko, si Mav na siguro yun. Isang 21-year old na animo'y dalubhasa sa usaping pag-ibig, sa madamdaming talakayan. Narito ang katibayan, isang hapong di ko inaasahan. Isang liham na nagpabuhos sa aking mga luha, mahirap pigilan.

Tinao,
Time doesn't guarantee love. May mga pagkakataon na kahit ang tagal tagal nyo nang magkasama at nasa isang relasyon, nauuwi din sa wala. Mayroon din naman na sandali mo palang siya nakakasama pero alam mong sya na talaga. Wala yun sa tagal o sa bilis.
Pag mas lalo mong hinahanap mas lalo itong magtatago mula sayo. Mas pinipilit mo, mas lalong hindi mapapasaiyo.
Right timing. Hindi dahil nahuhuli ka na o feeling mo dapat magsettle down ka na, magpapapressure ka na. Don't invest on things if you don't intend to keep it forever.
Mahirap maginvest sa isang tao. Wag kang papasok sa isang relasyon, dahil gusto mo lang magkaroon ng karelasyon. Bakit ka magiinvest kung hindi mo naman nakikita na sya ang kasama mo sa habang buhay. Waste of time my dear. Wag mong sayangin ang enerhiya mo para sa isang walang kwentang bagay.
Focus. Learn to love what you have.
Be happy. If you are single, be proud. Don't let other people look at you as if you are a loser. At least you own everything you have. Wala kang kahati. You are your own boss.
Enjoy being single. If it takes months or years or whatever, so what. Kasi pag may dumating na at di mo inenjoy ang pagiging single mo, may hahanapin at hahanapin ka sa buhay mo na di mo makita. You will jump from one relation to another. It will not be healthy for you as well as the other person.
Open up. Malay mo he's just around at hinahanap ka din nya. Pero malay mo, hindi pa talaga sya dumadating so be open to possibilities.
Friendship is the stepping stone of a bigger act.
Love. Learn. Stumble. Fall. Rise Up.
I love you Tinao for whoever you are and nothing can change that.
I will always be here for you. No matter what.
Love,
Mab

Salamat, Mav. Mana ka talaga sa akin. Naisulat mo lang, naisip ko rin. Hahahaha. At ito na nga ba ikinakatakot ko. Nahawaan ka na ni JM.

I love you too.

P.S. Mav! I found this photo of us! We were so batchoys then! Guess who took this photo? Guess and you'll have a prize! Hahaha. Go! Yuckkkkeeerrrzzzz....

Laugh All The Way (My Funny Life Series)

2009-01-29T12:31:00.003+08:00

Life goes on. And so do the jokes that life plays on you. Just when I thought my life's antics yesterday would be over at my ATM withdrawal attempts, something even trickier than that was waiting for me before my office-day ended. Here it is, in full account. I was tasked to attend the exhibitors' briefing yesterday for the e-Services event slated on February 9 and 10. Of course, I made sure I took note of the important details I have to remember. And being the responsible person I know I am, I stayed until the last question raised by the exhibitors was addressed even if my feet were stomping impatiently under the table, itching to dash off. At 5:45 pm, I felt relief to hear the host wishing us a safe trip home. Clutching my manual and bag in one arm, I ran the door with a smile. The next minute, that long escalator trip was bringing me ten steps away from the landing. And before I have time to backout (not that I planned to), I recognized someone instantly near the landing, talking to someone I took not notice of. When he glanced my way, he gave me that familiar smile, acknowledging my presence. He called my name before I could sshh him. I declared his name back. Kuya Tacky! I must have startled the person he was talking to enough to make him turn around and reiterate my presence. My precious name uttered in surprise would turn heads, I tell you. Another person approached me and gave me a nod while my mind is trying to recall who he is. Nicholas Cage? No, Marvin corrected me: Vladimir. Oh yes. And I knew right then his presence was a clue to something I knew is coming. My former boyfriend was heading towards where we are gathered, his face quite unsure if he was doing the right thing, I can tell. Hahaha. But he did say 'Hi, Tin!' to me, which I answered back with 'Uy, Dick!' and quickly dismissed whatever he was planning to say back by turning to Marvin for a chat. His name sounded funny as I heard myself say it. What do you think? It was my first-ever encounter with my former boyfriend. I was not prepared for this. Or if ever I was preparing for it many times in the past, I forgot how to do it that instant when we were there face to face. Preparation never really helped. It was an entirely different scene from what and how I pictured it to be. No violence. No screaming. No crying. No tension. No drama. Hahaha. I am, after all, not a warfreak! And if there is something I did prove myself I am capable of doing, it's that I HAVE MOVED ON! Yeah! Woohooo with somersaults! I faced him [my former boyfriend] with all-smiles and confidence. It felt like I saw an old friend again. Nothing more. Just tales, no hurt feelings. And did he even ask to take photos of me with my former colleagues! I know he did not mean to show off, but I did know he just got his new D-something Canon camera from his father, whom he paid at a fatherly rate. It was funny that I easily obliged posing before his new lens. Am I a camwhore! I said my goodbyes after a while but he was suddenly not there to bid me farewell back. That was fine though. It did not hurt. I traced my way home like I would not be having chestpains ever again. Kidding. So life, I managed to play around with your jokes again. Bring on! (I hope to post the photos my former boyfriend took if he sends me a copy. Goodluck!?)

My Funny Life

2009-01-28T13:46:00.001+08:00

Is life playing jokes on me again? If it is, I am left with no choice but to laugh at its jokes no matter how unoriginal -- like I've been through this several times and laughing is but the natural and ONLY reaction. Resistance is pretty much unwelcome. My life would enjoy playing jokes on me all the more. Let me share with you some playful scenes of my rolling life today. Laugh if you may. I do not know if you could call me unlucky. But then again, here they are.

*****

Life's Joke #1:

As soon as I alighted the jeepney, I headed to the ATM to dig up some cash for the day. I knew that my ATM card has gone nuts the other day but there's no harm trying today, I thought. I slipped in the card and Voila! the machine did not throw it out. Yipee! I took my time keying my desired amount ($$$) and patiently held my palm out to grab the cash. One.Two. Three. Or were there more ticking seconds before I landed my eye on the machine's monitor that read: "This machine cannot dispense cash." Hahaha from my nose. I felt my back stiffen and my shoulder slump. My heart shrieked *&^%$#@!

Life's Joke #2:

Because I am a positive woman, I went straight to the other ATM just fifty steps away (Did I count? You bet!). Wishful is an understatement. I have both hope and fear in my heart. "Please, please, please make my transaction successful" echoed with my feeble steps. I queued. When it was my turn, I blew into my card in case I get lucky. I fed my card, the machine threw up instantly. I tried again. Same lifeless response. The monitor was shouting at me: "I'm sorry. The machine can't read your card." Thanks machine. I really feel so sorry for myself.

*****

Despite feeling sorry for myself though, my hopes are still high that I would soon milk out money from a few sources. Brother, brother, where art thou? So to offset the irkness that's pretty much showing in my face no matter how I tell myself I am still okay, I talked to people online who exchanged instant messages with me graciously. One remarked that I may just be experiencing a 'quarter life crisis.' And boy, am I not alone! Another one thought he might be going through that stage too. I'm human! Woohoo! There's no sense to alienate myself. Wooohoo!

So here's my response to my life's jokes -- throw a joke. Laugh, if you may.

My Joke #1:

I was in the middle of a chat with AA and work (I am so multi-tasking) when Mark (my officemate) popped a question at me:

Mark: Tin, what comes to your mind when you say 'consensus'?
Tin: Uhmm, the majority agrees about a thing. No, there's an agreement, collectively.
Mark: What about 'conflict'?
Tin: Dispute. Disagreement.
Mark: What happens when you combine both?
Tin: Uhmmm, (I took my time) you have a Senate???

Lala was roaring with laughter in the background and Mark could not keep his shoulders from shaking. I was busy chatting.

My Joke #2:

Lala was sharing her motherhood pleasures about Lady (or Ice) being capable of turning herself over at 3 months! I mean, rolling over. And that she can untangle her mittens! Brilliant. I asked which mitten does Lady (or Ice) remove first. Lala said the one in her right hand. And I exclaimed, 'Oh! She's left-hundred!' Lala corrected me in between her laughs, 'Left-handed!'

Argh! I'm thinking of cash again.

Yes! Girl

2009-01-26T12:40:00.003+08:00

Yes Man is seen on the screen at the time being. Jim Carrey has to be taught something about being optimistic. Like him, I ought to be taught like that too. I started with a declaration relative to that at the dawn of 2009 that says, "Because I care, I am a responsible and an optimistic woman." In passive or active voice, I just have to remind myself that I AM RESPONSIBLE AND OPTIMISTIC. Until today. 2/3 of my expected participants did not appear for my highly-anticipated first training of the year due to various reasons. I know I should be responsible for their absence. I did do my job in calling them up and reminding them then and again about today's schedule. I am responsible and I guess they're not. I wanted to say I was just kidding in assuming that but there's something inside me that I guessed just right. And what is there to be optimistic about this? Their absence means my weakness, my failure. Lala said, it maybe a sign for some improvement, some more effort. (Yeah right, Lala.) I say it's a sign I should submit my resignation. Waaaaahhhh!!! But then again, I thought of how I started my day today. I woke up really in the mood for some positive actions. The positivity might have radiated outwardly enough to catch a jogger's attention on my way to the rail when he uttered inches from my ears, "Good morning, Miss." with a smile. Or is he just a maniac? And did I greet the guard at the lobby with much vibrancy that he returned me a salute? I was raring to pursue with this training that I think I lifted 5 liters of water contained in that boiler to heat. I took pleasure in feeling the rays of the rising sun streaking through the computer laboratory. Aaahhh!!! I even imagined absorbing positive energies. It continued to seeing a new friend online this morning and a chance to chat with him briefly but meaningfully (huh?!). It was a lovely day in the beginning. Then, why oh why did it turn out to be like this? Is it me or just the way I react to how things behave before me? Rannie said it may be 'Monday morning sickness'. Argh! Yeah, it's just me AND the way I react to how things transpire before me, I surmise. My pessimistic attitude is slithering back, I'm afraid. But hey, just before I find my sloppy mind elsewhere scattered, some good friends' efforts are trying to keep it intact. When I can't remind myself to remain composed and chill out, they did it for me. Shit happens, so they say. So Yes! I'm wiping the shit away. (I'm playing Monty Python's "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" again. Does this bring me luck? Ooops, think positive!)

Quick Blog

2009-01-16T16:59:00.000+08:00

I have exactly 5 remaining minutes to post this entry. Wow! Call that spontaneous. I don't know what to write, what to put. It doesn't matter to me now if I put here nonsense, or my construction is grammatically wrong. I just felt this urge to post something under such circumstance - pressured! Woohoo! I feel like running doing this. Haha! Okay, 4 minutes more. The timer is creeping! Somebody is talking to me and I could only say "uhum," unsure whether it's timely to say that while he still speaks. I am not sure if my "uhum" is agreeing or dismissing. I can't grab everything he is saying. I really don't care. So there. I wish everybody a happy weekend. Oh, yeah! I feel this way because I'm going home once again. Pangasinan gives me the adrenalin rush! Hahaha. So long! One minute for shutdown. Haha!

Thrills and Chills

2009-01-07T07:47:00.007+08:00

January 6, 2008. Thrills: 1. The Arrival. 'He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is so back!' shouted my YM status. Three (3, yes!) persons ringed me to bring me the good news. And some rueful declarations too that my news bearers were kissed by him and I, well, was to wait for some miracles to experience just that. My Most Desirable Guy has arrived. Welcome back! 2. The Visit. 30-minutes-before-5:00 pm was the most magical period that ever occurred to me at EITSC. He came in the office discreetly. I was not surprised at all to see him (thanks for the warnings from J., A., and M.). But if I were imagining things, I thought I saw him glowing while he sauntered to the "off limits" area of the office. It must be his smile -- a beacon to a frustrated soul named Tintin. 3. The Kiss. He held out his arms. I was not really sure if he was gesturing me to hug him, but I did stood and advanced toward him anyway to greet him. Then, quickly and simply, he moved his head to kiss my very lucky right cheek. I hope the kiss did not leave any embarrassing mark of fascinating scarlet all over my face because I felt hot. Not that I did not like it. I was swept away in fact, and was casted a freezing spell soon after! I was nailed in place for several seconds. And if my gestures may have not put me in great shame, I think my words did. I damned myself when I uttered, "That was nice." I claim no certainty what the statement was for. Maybe because he IS a nice guy, it was a nice kiss, or it was nice to see him again or all of these. 4. The News. Sad but not bad. He's moving in the Philippines and will live with his girlfriend. Like he cares if I knew. Not my business. I could only be happy for him. Chills: 1. The Video. Life of Brian DVD. Shallow humor but it made my night right. 2. The Song. Always look on the brighter side of life. *whistle* Always look on the right side of life. *whistle* 3. The SMS. How easy will it be to unlove the person you love? Tell me.

Checkmate

2009-01-03T23:53:00.003+08:00

For several minutes, the cursor stared back at me lazily. It’s as if it is reading my thoughts and calculating my next move, certain as its blinking that it would take me longer to think of an idea to write about. Not that I’m thoughtless. In fact, I have so many thoughts in mind that I do not know which to pick even at random. Just like the cursor, I may be feeling lazy at all. ‘Just anything under the sun,’ I say to myself. But ‘just anything’ is as sensible as the phrase’s permutation. You do the math. I could go on and on discussing how my two-week long vacation has gone so far. I could only remember warming up at home for almost 24 hours just twice. So if I was not home, I was out for the caroling, attending dawn mass, singing at weddings of who-knows whose, visiting relatives and friends, drinking and bonding with the members of the OLLYM, or just re-reading my Christmas Mystery book. After the longest time (more than two years) of not doing these things on my own, I feel like everything is just natural and effortless. I am sure there are countless changes on how things were two years back. Not counting the changes I saw within myself. But my adaptation was merely easy. I fit in like the last missing piece of a puzzle now that I’m back home, back to church service, back to seeing my friends and loved ones, and back to welcoming new friends too. So what am I to write about? It feels right and unright at the same time -- having to think idly of something but ending up writing nonsense. At least, that's what I think. Ahhh!!! I was busy most of the times, I tried to keep myself busy and I somehow feel successful and productive. I went with the flow, so to speak. Now that I'm starting my year anew, how to? I try to think really hard. Plan out. Strategize. But is it really necessary? One strong move to start and before you realize, another year has gone by. But what am I saying? I entrust everything to the Lord now. So often, He lets me win with my heart's delight. Sometimes, I think He allows me to feel how to lose to gain a victorious heart. If you know what I mean. And if I do things on my own like I can control things, I become discontented, frustrated, not winning nor losing. Dull. Stalemate.

Jupiter CAN Align with Venus

2008-12-17T16:00:00.000+08:00

The sky is a happy mystery for me. It was that one Monday night of December (December 2, to be exact) when I gazed up and saw three outstanding bright objects staring back at me. I was certain the moon was the lowest object in a crescent shape; the two others I simply considered unusually bright stars. They all form one noticeable figure: a smiling face. Something, somewhere up there must be playing with magic to bring these three objects together. It made me smile back to the heavens. Just as when I was wishing someone could share my skygazing moment, there it appeared on TV the newsflash informing its televiewers about the amazing formation and how it came to be. The two objects up above the moon, which I mistook as unusually bright stars, were Jupiter and Venus. There occured a conjunction, or simply put, an alignment of the planets! Spare me the trouble of explaining science like this. It gives me the creeps. Wonder why I discuss the alignment of Jupiter and Venus here? I drew a meaningful analogy of the phenomenon with how difficult it is for the male species to understand (or empathize?) with their counterpart: the great, indispensable bunch of Eves -- us females. Put it this way: Jupiter will represent the good ol' boys, and Venus will represent beauty and love which pertains to, needless to say, girls. And now the analogy: it does not happen so often that Jupiter aligns with Venus in the same way that the dogs, I mean, the guys do not often (or not at all) understand us girls. Well, well. Girls will always be girls in the same way that boys will be boys. But I would like to share with you something I copied from my Friendster bulletin. I could not state its original source anymore. I believe it has been reposted so many times until the author's name was buried under. It made me smile again. This is a serious attempt to understand female mannerisms. I give it a two-thumbs-up approval! Consider this guys. Then maybe -- just maybe, you will regard it as the most innovative solution to understanding the , what was that again, oh - bitch.

When a girl walks away from you - [Follow her] When she stares at your lips - [Kiss her] When she pushes you or hits you - [Grab her and don’t let go] When she starts cursing at you - [Kiss her and tell her you love her] When she's quiet - [Ask her what’s wrong] When she ignores you - [Give her your attention] When she pulls away - [Pull her back] When you see her at her worst - [Tell her she's beautiful] When you see her start crying - [Just hold her and don’t say a word] When you see her walking - [Sneak up and hug her waist from behind] When she's scared - [Protect her] When she lays her head on your shoulder - [Tilt her head up and kiss her] When she steals your favorite hat - [Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night] When she teases you - [Tease her back and make her laugh] When she doesn’t answer for a long time - [reassure her that everything is okay] When she looks at you with doubt - [Back yourself up with the TRUTH] When she say's that she likes you - [she really does more than you could understand] When she grabs at your hands - [Hold hers and play with her fingers] When she bumps into you - [bump into her back and make her laugh] When she tells you a secret - [keep it safe and untold] When she looks at you in your eyes - [don’t look away until she does] WHEN SHE MISSES YOU - [SHES HURTING INSIDE] When you break her heart - [the pain NEVER really goes away] When she says its over - [she STILL wants you to be hers] - Stay on the phone with her even if she’s not saying anything - DON'T let her have the last word - NEVER call her hot! Pretty and beautiful is sooooo much better - Say you love her more than she could ever love you - Argue that she is the best girl ever - When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go - When she says she's ok, don’t believe it, talk to her - When she says she's sorry, she truly means it - Because 10 yrs later she'll remember you - Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her - Call her before you sleep and after you wake up - Treat her like she's all that matters to you - Tease her and let her tease you back - Stay up all night with her when she's sick - Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid - Give her the world - Let her wear your clothes - When she's bored and sad, hang out with her - Let her know she's important - Kiss her in the pouring rain - When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is;"Who's ass am I kicking today baby?"

Sweet compilation. Sweet, but girls can't have them all. Impossible. Hahaha.

Defying Normz

2008-12-13T19:55:00.004+08:00

Just thinking about how I would entitle my blog entry makes me snigger. And I could imagine the person who is the very core reason why I am writing this making a face now. If he could still manage to smile, that would be an indication of defeat -- like he can still do something to avert my decisive writing. Lawsuit? Hah! Hopeless. You need not worry at all. I mean no harm. Exploitation of another person's character is not my kind of game. Relax. There's more to the experience of reading this than your precursory restlessness.

*****

Five years back, I came upon a thin and tan teenager. Good-natured at first sight and coy like a puppy most of the time. I was freshly out of college and career was far from my mind then. It was summer! I was having a terrific time mingling with my fellow youth, and yes, kids I would consider my little brothers, should they permit. Norman Paul, or Normz -- for the sake of sounding hip maybe, was one of these select kids around I instantly grew fond of. And like I have a choice, he was part of the group I came to share with my frustrations and negativities about my life. He was one of the few I get to shed a tear and blow my nose with, all heart out and no pretense. I was glad to have known him too then -- a minor seminarian on the loose. But he was more to me (as his other peers appeared to be) like someone kidnapped and dragged to the camp; only that the kidnappers realized too late he was not someone ransom-able so they left them there. Poor kids. Amazingly and gratefully, the acquaintance did not end at the Surip camp. Barely a month after, I crossed paths with him (and the others too) again at another camp. And even if there was an extra baggage to our meeting the first time and the next (I meant his brother), the joy of seeing him every time was like seeing women eager to share gossips. No, he is not a gossiper. But I could be at ease around him. Be myself, so to speak. With his presence, jumping like a kid was never too hard when I get thrilled. It gets more thrilling. (Hahaha.) Most of all, the best thing about establishing my friendship with him (and all the others) is the opportunity to be an 'ate' to him (them). A dream come true.

I think to this point that playing the role of a [surrogate] 'ate' to Normz (and all the others) is all-perks to me. Even if it means having to disagree with his point of views most of the time. It doesn't really matter. It helps to have someone I think has marred perspective about certain things -- like love (ulk, I'm throwing up), and who thinks similarly that I have clouded principles too. And that makes us both, hmmm, stupid. We can only laugh at ourselves.

He maybe an epitome of the typical seminarian these days: prayerful, still good-natured, cool, calm and collected. (Let me add a note to that: with Father Rector and the pack of priests around.) But just like a typical seminarian, and a natural human (half moon, half man?) not withstanding, he has his adventures too. Need I mention them? I don't think so. Just by the thought of doing that paints a hilarious picture of Normz' fuming ears. I have more than one of defying ways than writing about him like this.

Still with a snigger, I would close this entry grateful that no matter the distance, no matter the conflicting standpoints, I would keep you as a brother Normz. I heart you much Bebi Bro (and so to the others too)!

Mav-elous Christmas Shopping

2008-12-11T13:35:00.002+08:00

It's not everyday that you can tag an old friend to go shopping with you -- especially with me, a very picky, meticulous and often return-this-to-the-rack type of consumer. Blame that to the natural insatiable wants of consumers, a fact normally stressed in my Economics class. I've lived with that fact, much to the making of myself as a difficult (or irrate when I'm in the mood) customer. And gahd, cashiers I've dealt with may want to attend stress management classes more than a seminar on managing dissatisfaction and conflict! Hehehe. I'm not really that bad. I was just kidding. But the minute I uttered a word of dissatisfaction, my brother, for example, would ease his way far from me, as if telling anyone who has seen him with me "No, I'm not with that freak." It's an exercise of my consumer rights (as if I know that by heart)! But hey, I could be aware sometimes (goodluck with the frequency) of going overboard at the counter, and still could manage to smile with my ears fuming and my left brow raised. Patience is (and will stay) a virtue. Enough with my crappy consumption-driven life. I'm seeing my former colleague after office! I'm talking about Mav (variable: Mab - to help the stubborn Starbucks personnel deliver her coffee to the right person), whose friendship with me is beyond her resignation from EITSC. Inspite of her enjoying a life of IAR like my MDG, she still manages to send me SMS, email me spam mails (or is it me?) and drop by the office to catch up with the old times over a cup of coffee and a slice of cake (I can see a repeat here.) But the catching up doesn't end there! She said yes to my invite for a precedented walk-till-you-drop kind of shopping, without second thoughts. My heart is ecstatic! Woohooo!!!

To Mav, super thanks for not giving me a difficult time to persuade you into this. Drama! But for reals, thinking of buying at least 36 presents for my 36 (listed) godkids would be easier with you I guess. If we don't end up buying something for them, at least this is the chance I'd love to spend with you! I could not let the opportunity pass without juicing out something from you! Next to my shopping agenda with you is hearing you share about your boom-de-ya-da stories. Hahaha. Spread the love! Let's tackle and tickle! By the way, I'm wearing our twin costume. It is not part of my plan but I'm happy I did. See you later!

Sugar High!

2008-12-08T18:08:00.000+08:00

I have had too much sugar today so I am sweet all over. Eat me! Hahahah. Thanks to Lala's post-birthday treat, I had my slice of her mischievous Chocolate Marjolaine with Coke 500 after a plateful (of 2-cupped rice and meat-veggie combo) lunch! A carbo-filled and sugar-y one-hour lunchbreak made me feel like I could last the rest of the day jumping on a trampoline with so much energy! Lala, my colleague and a newbie mom, just returned to the office after her maternity leave. She's actually entitled to a longer leave but being the exemplary employee that she is, she reported to work today -- a month earlier than expected, to complete the financial books before the year ends. Hooray!!! I would not want to miss out the applause Lala deserves, and for various reasons not limited to: 1.) The birth of her lovely daughter, Lazir Denice. I remember having to be heavily involved of thinking which name she would give her daughter. And thanks for considering my suggestions Lala. (Hahaha from my nose.) I felt incredibly helpful when you decided to just pass on to your daughter your name plus the feminine variable of your husband's name. Huwaw! Did I ever mention you are a creative couple? I hope I did not. :p 2.) Her birthday last December 5. I even SMSed her to remind her to treat us to lunch. And her reply was like gospel to my eyes when it read: "Automatic yun." 3.) Her comeback. Welcome back! I enjoyed listening to your lovely tales about Lady (the daughter, I thought of that nickname!) and still-tolerable ranting (define "in-laws" please.). Your presence just brings a different kind of light in EITSC. 4.) Her efficiency in preparing the payroll. Kudos! Kudos! You deserve a present -- I'll convert that to hugs and kisses -- from me for free! Yuhoo!

Thank you, La! I missed you this much!

*****

And while I thought I already had enough dose of sugar, MDG (my beloved) pinged me a message to comment (yet again) about my Skype status. He is simply SWEET just doing that! My sugar level is creeping up! Argh, I don't even think insulin can help with the likes of him!

Ooops, no, there's only one him like there's only one me. One sweet him, and one crazy me. Nothing in common -- picture a mathematical equation with a slashed equal sign in between. Now I'm bleeding. :( I'm having complications, I could surmise. Someone please blow my crazy ideas away!

Anyhow, MDG -- You. Made. My. Day!

****

My church bestfriend slash cousin is in town! Hmm, it would be another fun night for sure. I'm craving for fish so I'm planning to bring Mac anywhere with fish in the menu. :)

I would have to do away with the sweets after dinner. Besides, I'm bringing MDG's sweet messages to bed tonight for dessert. Hay. I feel so dreamy. Flying kisses!

Most Desirable Guy: Only A Fantasy

2008-12-04T16:35:00.001+08:00

I was asked a phone-in question by Anna this morning (10:53 AM to be exact) on how I feel about MDG’s ‘in a relationship’ (IAR) status in Facebook. Fumbling for my thoughtful answer was not really difficult, with Anna being the third person (count in Dom and Ga there) to break the news to me and ask me the same question. I lose the heart to open my own FB account – that would be adding insult to the injury or worse, self-persecution. Of course I feel sad! That’s even an understatement. If there’s an opposite of the cartwheel bliss I’m feeling whenever MDG pops me an instant message, then the IAR news made me feel like I want to be suspended in the air upside-down till I struggle for my hopeless life. Hmm, exaggerated but it did hurt a bit. Just a bit because in the first place, I already eliminated the kiddie ‘hopeful’ feeling like there’s such a person as Santa Claus on Christmas time. That kind of fantasy. And then Anna’s consoling words hit me like fire -- leaving me with a warm and prickly sensation at the same time. I felt warm because her words gave me a flickering hope! But the spiteful truth remains: MDG is IAR already. Anna said that I need not worry about MDG’s IAR status because sometimes things just don’t turn out right. She even added, ‘Who knows? Girlfriend lang naman.’ Haha! Give the guy a chance! He only started his relationship with his girlfriend. And I envy her, an awful lot of envy. But thanks Anna. That was sweet, nevertheless. And if there’s one thing I should prepare for his return this Christmas, I would start with facing him and talking to him properly. That is, if he talks to me at all. I need all the luck I could summon! Oy vey!!! Merry Christmas to me. MDG must be feeling so lucky and happy.

Greetings Galore!

2008-11-27T12:30:00.004+08:00

Yipeee! Just so you know, today is my 26th birthday. Yes, some may mistake that age as a pressuring figure but hah, I am still young! I specifically provided this space of my blog for those people, who -- by Friendster's constant reminders, by their incontestable thoughtfulness, by a touch of another coincidental and more significant event in their lives, by obligation or just by gossip -- remembered my special day. (Believe me guys, Friendster is effective! I tried changing my birthdate last year and I received less greetings last year than now. It was funny how people miss out my birthday because Friendster was not able to remind them correctly. Haha!) Okay. So for a start, I wish to list those people who greeted me early on through phonecalls, SMS, instant messaging, personal greetings... and then say my precious thanks beside their well-wishes (like I can avoid the side comments, huh?!). 1. Isang Maligayang Kaarawan (by Queza thru Friendster. 11/21/2008. 1:56 am) Marqueza is a friend from Digos in Davao City. She now resides in the USA with her hubby and the couple is expecting a baby soon! At 1:56 am, I don't think it's a good idea for a mom-to-be to stay awake that late. But she did. Only to greet me. Gesh. And to add to the insult, so they say, here's an additional message she sent me thru SMS when I said my thanks: Ur welcome! Mabuti na ung mas maaga me. Hehehe. Para na din ako nauna naggrit sau. Ingatz! Stay fabulous as ever... (by Queza thru YM-SMS. 11/25/2008. 5:47 am) 2. Happy Birthday Buddy (by Ances thru Friendster. 11/21/2008. 4:52 pm) Ances is a charming lass I met thru my highschool friend Melanie. She has a warm pair of eyes. I could not understand how Melanie can be so mean to her (she admits it anyway) but I'm glad we remained friends! 3. God bless you always with beauty, joy and sunshine. God bless you always with very good thing. God bless you with His special love. Happy Birthday Tita! Wishing you more birthdays to come, good health. Take care always and goodluck on your job and lovelife.. =) God will always bless you with more blessings.. (by Zyra Loise thru Friendster. 11/25/2008. 6:14 pm) That's from my niece. Thanks Zyra. I can see you smiling when you wished me goodluck -- like I really need that now more than ever. Clever you. 4. Happy Birthday (by Yolanda thru Friendster. 11/26/2008. 10:35 am) Straight from Canada. She must have really exerted effort leaving me that message because she is always busy watching teleseryes after a day's work. Wow! Thanks Yolly! Really. 5. Happy Happy Birthday Tin! Wish u all the best and goodluck in all your dreams in life. Have a blessed birthday! (by Edelyne thru Friendster. 11/26/2008. 12:25 pm) I was one of her bridesmaids, if I remember that right. Really sweet of her to drop by my FS account and post the her greetings. 6. Happy birthday din poh... Thanks poh sa pag-greet. God bless :) (by Precious thru Friendster. 11/26/2008. 9:28 pm) I really have no idea who she is but thanks anyway, Precious. 7. A Happy-Happy Birthday to you my Friend..I Pray for you to Have More and I do mean More Birthdays to come and that goes with Lots of Blessings in Everything and of course in Love...Live Life and Love to the Fullest... Why? Our Birthdays says it all... We've always been Loved Even Before our Very First Birthday...God Bless You More... (by Rene aka Rainman thru Friendster. 11/27/2008. 1:59 am) Rene? Did I say 'astig'? Partially visually-impaired and one of the great guys I met from ATRIEV, a computer school for the blind. He can teach! Teaching makes me bow. Thanks Rene! 8. happy b-day....gift ko ?hehehe musta nalang po jan..take care (by Ryan Vir thru Friendster. 11/27/2008. 3:37 am) Oh. Ryan. Yes, thank you for remembering too. He celebrates his birthdate before mine so I would not forgive him if he forgets my birthdate. And whoever your friend is who read my blog and misunderstood what I meant about what we became to be, please tell him/her to leave his/her comments instead. I'd be very glad to explain. :) 9. hi ms. tin :)HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!may all your wishes be granted. stay nice and bubbly. take care always and God bless :) (by Kathrine thru Friendster. 11/27/2008. 8:42 am) 8:42 am??? So could you explain to me why your boss keeps pestering you? You do Friendster during work hours!? Guess that's a bad habit you learn from me. Hahaha. Kathrine, prettylicious. My former student. (To be continued...)

What My Blog Does

2008-11-25T17:40:00.003+08:00

If my blog inspires, I would write more like I would inspire myself. (For Patrick) If my blog entertains, I would try my best to write like I am incessantly talking. (For Jhia) If my blog opens doors to my personal being, I would selflessly unfold new things about myself, gladly discover them with you. (For Adonis) If my blog tells you how I have been, I would strive to be truthful, like you're seeing me through a glass. (For Mav) If my blog is keen on what people share, I would thirst for more and share it as well. (For Rannie) If my blog confuses your views, I would not stop you from thinking you are right. (For those who cannot comprehend.)

Wish a Wish!

2008-11-21T16:29:00.007+08:00

I will make this really short and easy. Just a breeze. Hahaha. A wishlist? Hmm, I never really thought so hard about it, but yes, it will do me no harm if I make one. Besides, I can see several of my wishes coming true even before I write them down. God is the most brilliant mindreader! And I'm loving how it works. Really, God, I know you never disappoint me. And when I thought you did, it ends up with me realizing I never really thought ahead for the purpose. Peace tayo, God. :) So then again, the wishlist! Hmm, for my approaching birth anniversary, I wish to have any (or all -- am I so greedy?) of the following: 1. Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert 2. Diary of a Wimpy Kid by Jeff Kinney 3. Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer (I included this in my Christmas Wishlist for the ECCP Christmas Party!) 4. The Christmas Mystery by Jostein Gaarder (Junlee granted this wish! A numerous thanks!!!) 5. Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer I think 5 in the list is enough. Weeeeh!!!

*****

Just as I have made it easy for myself to enlist the things I want for my birthday, I don't want to miss this chance to say thank you, thank you for the overwhelmingly simple (makes sense to me) gestures that my friends have done to me:

For Junlee's express-and-without-second-thoughts purchasing of The Christmas Mystery book I just mentioned over YM as a birthday present. That's selfless. :)
For Junlee's friend, Taggy, for bringing the book here in the Philippines and for unhesitantly meeting up with me, a barely known lunatic (hahaha). Thanks too for offering me 'just something' from McDo. I'm sorry I have to decline the offer. Not really out of reservation (you really don't know me if you think that was the reason), but moreso because there's more food waiting for me in Dampa i have to save the space in my stomach for that.
For Mac's consoling words that I cannot absorb mostly. Blame my stubborness. Why does it seem easy for you to make me cry my heart out? Hahaha. Must be that peak level of friendship. I did feel my eyes dried up after that talk that I thought I can sleep with eyes open. I would not suggest talking to you again at night before bed time. It was not a pretty good idea.
For Juan's 4 Santan flowers (not the cluster). I kept them pressed in my wallet with the other (seemingly) insignificant (but unique) inanimate objects the others gave me: a seashell and a cotton piece. That was swee-et. I really wish I have a younger brother like him and my other babies. :)
For Ate Vilma and Jermine's attentive ears. They were really into my tales that I could not forget how their faces looked like when I told them something that night of revelation. They were awed. Hahaha. The truth kept them awake for the next several minutes, still awed. But at least, the questioning subsided. Am I a mysterious girl, ladies? Hahaha. You know the answer. Note: I am not gay.

I never wished for things like these, but the simple gestures made them more meaningful than the wishes I wish and expect.

My Kind of Halloween

2008-11-03T07:56:00.011+08:00

October 31 I found myself comfortably lying on my bed, with my newly purchased book atop my face, after what seemed to be a 7-hour processional from Manila to Pangasinan. Tell you what, I never hit my target of getting home early despite my haste efforts to disappear from the office premises the moment the clock chimed 12:00 noon. It was a disappointment - my long, inconvenient trip. I was grateful, nevertheless, to reach HOME again. Ah! I always knew home is where the heart is but somehow, I managed to inflict a masochistic case of amnesia on myself some time ago when I thought I already knew where my heart was. I was damn, terribly wrong. Hahaha! I am now making amends. It's the time of the year again when various scary ghost stories resurface like they were especially reserved to be told only now -- just for the thrill of it. And for some reasons, these scary ghost stories become vivid again and again during this time even if you heard of them more than twice before. It was like seeing the Titanic movie (guess how many times I saw it), only with the goosebumps. So I think it is never irrational to believe in ghosts as I do. Not during this time of the year when ghost believers like me come out of the closet like homosexuals at night. I have never seen a single ghost, and would not want to have the heart to come face-to-face with one -- because I don't think my heart would stay in place if I chance at one. Scary. The night is a pitch darker here in the province on a Friday night than in Manila (where my neighbors bore my eyes with lit CFL that could penetrate even the thickest of my curtains all night long). And did I hear the dogs growl? I glanced at the clock. Fifteen minutes past eleven. Hmm, not bad. I'm nearly cutting half the thickness of this book I'm engrossed reading. A while ago, somebody SMSed me and I responded very briefly to tell him I'm reading so if I may just text him the following morning. He did not seem to understand and asked impatiently what the book was. I declared the title: TWILIGHT. (I can see some eyes ogling. Hahaha!) He just said, "Hmp," and I think I interpreted it as "Fine." And I reclaimed my oh-so-precious time for reading. The book, yes. How timely. A night that is transitioning to midnight with growling dogs in the background and I, the crow in the fields that is easily scared away, am reading a novel on VAMPIRES. At one point it hit me, 'Am I reading this book in the right place at the right time?' Not that I was thinking any vampire would lurk in Brgy. Magtaking (Please, please don't make a vampire read my blog.), but yes, my brain did process the thought. The windows in my room are tightly closed, I'm certain. But vampires can penetrate walls, I theorized. It was a struggle having to opt to put the book down and retire or continue my close-to-climax reading and disregard time. Hours ago, I had this rare condition when my heart and mind agreed on one thing: start reading the book. And now it's fading away, it's breaking my heart (like the last time. Hahaha!). I can't get enough of the characters. I wanted to pursue reading but my mind is telling me I should take a rest -- like the 7-hour trip was not enough reason to. I gave up the desire of my heart and listened to my mind. It is, most of the time, right and beneficial. I clicked off the lights and hurried to my bed, forcibly closing my eyes. Two-folds: to encourage myself to sleep and avoid seeing unnecessary things at the foot of my bed. Nyay. No more vampire thoughts, I urged myself. I switched to pleasant thoughts like church service in the morning. That sedated me and lulled me to sleep. November 1 Ugh. I can hear the rooster's morning cry. I have always thought it has difficulty getting up in the morning too that it has to shriek like that. It must be hard being a rooster. But thanks to it, I was reminded to get up early without using my 'very reliable' phone. Humor me. I glanced at my phone. Whoa. It has its funny times. Reminder: Sarene's Birthday. Great. Only the sad fact that I was not reminded to get her number. So I blew my greetings out with my morning breath. Ewww. "Happy Birthday cutee Sarene. Stay, uhmm, a baby." In 30 minutes' time, I was up and ready to go. It is drizzling outside and I suddenly miss my book still beside my pillow. If it is made of magnet, I really don't know. But the next 10 minutes I was busy reading it again until my mother called out that I'm going to be late for the Mass if I didn't leave at once. I obliged, with the thought of having her responsible for raising a bookish daughter. I left home and made it just in time before the 2nd Mass. I was even able to sell candles and help in the enlisting of those requesting (was that the term?) for petition mass. I just hope they won't run short. Hahaha! My cashiering skill is levelling low with too many people asking for change, scissors, pen, paper, candles, and my name (?)! Regie came to rescue me when the Mass was about to start. I washed my hand quickly. After the Mass, we went straight to Salasa cemetery. I bought five white long candles with the Our Lady of Manaoag sticker. I lighted three for my grandfather, grandmother, and 2 uncles (there were four of them in three graves) and the other two I lighted for two other distant relatives. Hours or so of lingering in the cemetery made me realize two things: that I only get to visit the graves at this time of the year and I'm afraid my loved ones would do the same thing to me if I was gone. Sad. Really. So my prayer for my dead loved ones goes with an apology and a promise of some sort that I will try to visit their graves more than once if I could. (But of course I could.) In the afternoon, I did the same thing for my grandfather and uncle-in-law whose graves are in the Lingayen cemetery. I also dropped by Richard Valiant's and oh, how I so miss the guy. :( Come night, we had a drinking session at Boc's place. I don't drink. I just sing. So I had the microphone all by myself. Hahaha. November 2 Sunday service! Plus, Fr. Boc is blessing the November birthday celebrants so I want to count myself in. Who would not want to be blessed? I don't want to run late attending the Mass. Goal! Trick or treat is not our kind of thing so the Youth Ministry ates and kuyas gathered together with Fr. Boc for Round 2 of the same session last night. And there was singing too! I can't let the mic go! But Fr. Boc had a chance with it. And so did Regie, Mac, Joepearl (fun to duet with), Boc, and Johannes a.k.a. Juan (who by the way had the most number of thrilled fans). The drinking and singing meant so much to me but nothing beats the company they share with you even without words. Kampay is enough for an assuring gesture, I guess. I would want to do away with the tears for the night but I could not help myself. With them, it's okay to pour out my heart, something I missed the most! Even the spookiest experience I had in the past does not make them think less of me. Sometimes I think they know me better than I do with myself.

So we separated ways at around 11 p.m. I feel so grateful to have this kind of Halloween this year. No more fears. No more ghosts of the past. No more worrying of sickening people that seem to haunt me every now and then. There's more to my life than miserably saving my ass out of a nonsense (said Mac), non-existing pit I jumped into, a grave that never was there. I'm alive! And very much enjoying TWILIGHT! It's already 1 a.m. of November 3 and I'm not going back to Manila yet! (Hahahaha. Addicted!)

Surrender Means No Defeat

2008-10-03T07:10:00.006+08:00

The white flag, almost dilapidated and mirroring what were to be called enduring times of an optimistic love, has been raised. He has finally given up on the woman with 'a heart of stone.' Unanswered letters, cold shoulders and bleak eyes -- whether long distance or face-to-face, no amount of these have disheartened this lad in believing that that love he once had he would someday soon recover. But that box of dark chocolates returned to his sister was enough sign for him to surrender. I saw it coming earlier, but did not have the brave spirit to warn him. And though what I saw coming was the same reason why we became really tight friends, my fear of seeing him hurt the way I did is just unbearable, I kept my silence. When he told me "It's over," it was no surprise. He surrendered but is definitely not defeated. Acceptance is the key. Immediately, he sounded like he was on his feet again -- ready to take on another battle. I would never know his gameplan, but I am happy with the way things turned out for my friend. Happy and also envious. I wish I coped up easily like him. But that's another story. A wedding for next year is not a bad idea. Neither is an invitation sent to a bridesmaid enclosed with a ticket to London, right? So maybe then I will see you and your bride.

Jhia Turns 26

2008-09-16T18:28:00.006+08:00

Today. It is not as though she's having her debut or her natal anniversary ends in 0 or 5 that I have to write something about her. Nor is it for the lack of blog topics to think about that I have to exert this effort. Merely for celebration purposes, I guess -- of another hopeful year and of friendship. Add to that the fact that I do not have a present to give her (because I am still waiting for Junlee's chocolates from London. By request, I'd gladly exchange my dark chocolates for whatever Jhia has in the package. Am I not so sweet?) And yes, I just love reminiscing about the past, a sign of old age.

It was year 1998 when my 4th year high school class was having the time of it's life being a good representation of the jerky adoloscent population. My classmates were young and in between (You know, like what's in between ugly and pretty, naughty and nice? I guess you could understand what I am talking about here because the adoloscent period is a transition phase, right?) But where does Jhia come into the picture? The schoolyear was nearing it's half period when our Adviser (Mrs. Theresa V. Vila) informed the class that a transferee from down south of the Philippines is coming to join us. I have a few questions then running in my mind (I am a silent type of person. Bah!). Nevertheless, the announcement prompted murmurs among my classmates. For the boys, simple: 'Is she pretty and sexy?' (Maniacs!) For the girls, 'Will she join our peer group?' (Obviously, factions do exist even in a class of 27!). And here's the funny part, her arrival suggested 'threat' to the A-students (including moi) because our Adviser emphasized this: "She's a DaMath champion."

Jhia Belle Fabio. Was she an embodiment of all our expectations? Wrong! She was more than that. (Ayan naman! Sweetness!) There is no point arguing that Jhia is pretty and PRETTY (ok?). She did not have difficulties mingling with the class despite the differences. She just 'clicked' with us. And about the 'threat', she's a bomb! (Hahaha.)

There was one vivid instance when Jhia was asked by Mr. Cesar P. Jacoba to read a portion of the book of World History by Sonia Zaide (I have a fantastic memory!). Jhia pronounced 'church' as chorch and I could not help myself laughing. I thought that was hilarious. I was mistaken. I have my times too when I mispronounced words. Jhia taught me one thing: She's human and I am too. A beautiful human at that. (So vain!)

Even if Jhia and I only shared a few months (shorter than the period I shared with my other classmates), we have eventful times. She was instrumental to the ceasefire between me and Ryan because of the 'Never Ever' lyrics. Her ref cake was the best dessert prepared in our THE class (under Ms. Jocelyn Sarzaba). We spent delightful afternoons in her house after class and unbeknownst to her, I goggled pleasurably at Kurt (her younger brother and ONE of my high school crushES). Even after high school, Jhia did not cease to intrigue me with 'relationship issues' I never saw coming (I love you Val! May he rest in peace.). We once had dinner with Dharold a night before her CPA board exams but we were deprived the opportunity to spend even a single dinner with Mhel when she was home. One time I was only replying to a probing email from a BPI HR officer about her, and then another moment she's already tracing a career path in Bangladesh. I won't be surprised anymore if by next year, I am holding a wedding invitation for me from her or vice versa! Hahaha.

Well, that is Jhia, CPA. Having survived a quarter of a century, she can already manage living on her own or with a lucky someone. She's a woman of substance, you bet. Composed and witty. Sporty. Pretty, and then again, pretty. No wonder you should always affix that CPA in your name: Composed, Pretty, Achiever.

Happy birthday Jhia! Cheers to our friendship! I'm sorry I did not get you anything special today. :(

This is her and me (during the 30th Anniversary of ECCP).

Ayagi!

2008-08-07T18:35:00.006+08:00

The title of my entry is not a Japanese word (the least I know but I cannot be too certain) although it may most likely sound like one. In fact, it is a contracted term (Pangasinense linguist, correct me if I'm wrong) for "Ay agi!' which means "Oh brother!/ Oh sister!" This is often used to express utter disbelief, bewilderment, agitation, excitement, and yes, even horror. There is more meaning to this term depending, of course, on how a person would say it. But there's one unique person I could unhesitatingly identify who he is through his manner of saying "Ayagi!" His has a prolonged emphasis on the last syllable that I could picture him like a child exclaiming Jollibeeeeeee with excitement. Hahaha. He has the style. Nothing compares. And when I heard him again exclaiming "Ayageeeeeeee!" on the other line last August 7, 2008 at 3:45 p.m., my heart leaped with joy. I knew right then it was him. Apparently, his expression was brought about the excitement (not horror) of hearing me say hello again after several years of no [verbal] communication. He must have missed my sweet voice (no joke, it's a gift, hehehe) to take the trouble for an overseas call. "Adonis? Bakla!" was everything I could say when he said "Ayagi!" No offense meant, it's given. In fact, I am so damn proud to have him in my life. He's a precious friend and I'd rather have a bunch of him than domesticate the real-men-but-bunnies type. You know, playboys. Hahaha. I was really thrilled to hear from him. And funny but thanks to my blogsite because he got my number from one of my entries where I was begging for donations for our local school. He even apologized for that, I mean, making the call not for the donation but to check out on me. We talked about guys from the past -- his and maybe mine and sometimes we cannot distinguish who's whose. Hahaha. Could you believe it? I need not mention who those are because I think (I'm crossing my fingers) they already have their peaceful (ulk) married lives. We (Adonis and I) could not afford to be homewreckers unless coerced. Just playing. He got my IM ID. He has to rest, this workaholic gay, so we have to cut the overseas call short. He said he will catch up with me soon and I am looking forward to it. Sometime soon, I know, a message will pop up on my screen, and if message windows could shout, I'd only hear Adonis say "Ayagi!" I miss him sorely. :(

A Call to Action: Magtaking Elementary School Needs Your Help

2008-07-30T12:53:00.002+08:00

Dear Magtaking Residents/ Alumni of Magtaking Elementary School, As you all know, Pangasinan was hit by typhoon Cosme last May 17, 2008. The province was badly affected. But ‘badly’ is just a subtle way of describing how Cosme left our many kababayans roofless and the whole province without electricity. ‘Badly’ is simply classifying the tears of the Pangasinenses who lost their homes to the whirling winds of Cosme and schoolchildren anticipating for classes to resume. Literally and figuratively speaking, the province was groping in the dark immediately after the storm. The provincial government’s efforts, through the leadership of Gov. Amado Espino, Jr. (no politicking, just appreciation) are commendable for inspiring the Pangasinenses to stand on their feet again. Electricity, which was said to be reinstalled/reactivated after 2 months, took only a matter of 3 weeks to light up the streets and homes of Pangasinan again. Funds were distributed to schools for roofing and reconstruction of buildings so that children can go to school again. The sad fate, however, is that the aid coming from the government is not sufficient to at least fund the roofing of the schools including the Magtaking Elementary School (MES). Pupils of MES whose classrooms were roofless squeeze themselves in the school’s Social Hall. What’s worse, there are more than 2 classes simultaneously conducting their lessons in the hall. Imagine the scenario, 3 to 4 classes overhearing each other’s lessons – if they can still manage to learn given that condition. And when it rains, pupils get wet and soaked because the hall is without walls. Add the inconvenience of mosquitoes prowling about the hall and feasting on the arms and legs of our poor pupils. Imagine that, and get disheartened, if you have the heart. One of these pupils may be your sister/brother, niece/nephew, godson/goddaughter or your neighbor. In this regard, we wish to request for cash donations from Brgy. Magtaking residents and/or alumni of Magtaking Elementary School for the roofing or reconstruction (should it be necessary) of the school classrooms. (The photos are posted below.) Your donation, in whichever amount, will be highly appreciated, especially by these young men and women of our barangay. You may keep in touch with me thru my mobile number +639196177414 or thru email charine82@yahoo.com for your acts of generosity. I will dutifully relay your intentions or donations to my cousin (and the only female Brgy. Kagawad of Magtaking), Mely Valencia-Fernandez for your donation’s receipt. Please forward this to a fellow resident of Magtaking or an alumnus you might know of. Let’s not look farther to find someone we could help. Charity begins at home, they said, and then maybe next in your barangay, our own barangay. Anggapoy makatulong ed sarili tayon barangay no aga sikatayo lan lamang. God bless you a hundredfold! Best regards, (Sgd.) Cristine Charisse V. Fernando Brgy. Magtaking Resident

Reunions and My Foodrama: Part 1

2008-07-12T16:45:00.001+08:00

July twelfth. I SMSed my brother early morning to greet him a happy birthday using my mother's mobile phone. It was an effort dragging my carcass out of my bed because I was having that wonderful rainy morning perfect for dawdling. I decided to prepare for my cousin's birthday celebration anyway. The outdoor games I listed will be fun only if a sun dance is performed beforehand. It was raining heavily that morning and there is no way I could tell it would stop if I say so. Hooray! A ruined birthday party is starting to form a picture before my eyes. And I don't think I can bear to see crying kids over spoiled fun. God have mercy.

The rain stopped for a while. Maybe I was not praying really hard because dark, heavy clouds are still lingering lazily above us. We (my mother, my niece and I) arrived just in time for lunch. I, particularly, was given a warm welcome. It has been ages since I last saw those familiar and similar faces (but of course I could still name them). I could not pass through the queue of my not-so-few aunts and uncles without giving them that Filipino gesture of respect (which we grew up doing everytime we see them), the undying mano. And while doing that, I could not help but hear them say things on how I have grown into a lovely (ehem) lady, that I have lost much weight (wagi!), and that I must have been busy with trivial things but visit them (apologies).

My little cousins are so adorable! I could not stop myself from taking photos of them and with them. Well, it runs in the genes, I guess. Being with them makes me feel kid at heart but old in age. Hahaha. I was like a day care teacher in one of the photos I took. Crap.

Just as I thought (and prayed, hehehe), the rains ruined the outdoor games I prepared. I was thinking of storytelling as an alternative but I do not think the kids were in the mood to hear any of my stories. The thought of rotten tomatoes thrown at me is not really a pretty sight so I dismissed that idea and pleased myself watching them open CJ's (the birthday celebrant) gifts while I was munching on my second serving of hotdog-on-stick with marsh mallows. This is one remarkable moment I would not forget. Though a number of my cousins (the older-than-me blokes) were not present, I sigh with satisfaction (and digestion) that I was able to spend a delightful afternoon with my little loved ones. Awwwww. I love you all!

(To be continued)

Gone for the Weekend

2008-07-11T23:58:00.005+08:00

I am off to the province again for the weekend. I received a call from my uncle whose son is celebrating his 7th birthday on the 12th. Fantastic. Three people close to my heart will be celebrating their birthday on that day: my cousin CJ, my brother Cleo, and my Uncle Dr. Cres. Here's my take on this: It may be an unwelcomed coincidence but it sure is strategic -- economical celebration altogether. I was tasked to be the party host for CJ's fete. I did not hesitate to accept the assignment. My mind is bubbling F-U-N and I'm missing my cousins so sorely already.

*****

Ask me who I saw at the bus terminal? Let me hear you say "Who?" now, please. It's Ryan! (Do I have to mention who he is?) Jhia will be thrilled to read this.

Flashback. Ryan Vir Estrada Pagdanganan (that is how much I know him) was my highschool classmate slash then-persistent suitor slash almost-BF-but-not-quite slash friend (charing!). What happened between us? It's a long story. Besides, his version of the story might be diffferent from mine. What really matters is we ended up being friends in spite of the fact that he waited all too long and was very disappointed of my decisions. I think there's too much information about him now here.

Since the bus heading to Alaminos/Bolinao is scheduled to leave at 9:00 pm and I do not want to wait that long, I decided to take the bus bound to Lingayen and jump off Tarlac instead. And before I knew it, Ryan is riding the same bus (because he is from Lingayen, idiot me) and I overheard him requesting the ticket lady to place his seat number beside mine. For friendship's sake, I did not object.

It was a casual encounter. Of course, being the gentleman that I knew him to be, he gestured that I sit ahead. And while we shared pep talks initially, I actually asked his permission if I could sleep because I am so tired. I still managed to say that tactfully, same old approach. (Style mo Tinao, bulok!) But I'm sure he understands. I even borrowed his cap because I cannot sleep with the lights on above my head. He lent me his cap selflessly. Still the same old Ryan, I thought, without the mutual feeling though.

In the course of our pep talks, I had to manipulate some of our discussions that I know will bring us to where we were before. Here's a factoid (fact to avoid): he broke up with his girlfriend already. He knew about my status too but I did not bother to bring it up. But he did. We both laughed for a while, but most likely because he thought I committed a more stupid mistake than him. I dismissed the mistake. I treated it like a lesson for me now - never to rush into love. He agreed to what I said, which is odd because we apparently disagree on so many things. It must be another factoid, but I brushed the idea off. In my most courteous way, I told him that I think I need to rest. He obliged.

It was a peaceful trip for me (and I supposed for him too). Beside me, soundly sleeping or half-sleep, is Ryan, who I am at peace with despite the 'past'. We never officially talked about us. It just came to that point when he must have realized that 'friendship' is everything I have to offer. Most of my highschool friends would find this hard to believe because they must have seen the special bond we shared through out the years, and maybe until now. But, yes, we will remain friends as far as I am concerned. (Jhia, claro?)

Funny how fate (if there is such a thing) brought us together like this. I am off to the province for the weekend and we might bump into each other again, I cannot say. Whenever and wherever, I could head-high say that it would no longer be an awkward encounter. We said our byes and I heard him say 'Ingat!' with sincerity, like I gained back the friend he once was to me. And he will still be.

When I Exclaimed OMG

2008-07-11T08:11:00.012+08:00

I was overexcited last night that I could only exclaim Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! over and over. Not with the rising price of petroleum, although I am still not over it and the feeling for that is hibernating somewhere in the nook of my heart. I was thrilled over a few interesting things that I saw on TV last night that made me sound like a kolehiyala in an instant.

While my niece was browsing for a good watch on TV and I was reading this LBD book that is like a poo, she spotted Oprah featuring a best-selling novel turned movie entitled "Love in the Time of Cholera" by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. (I read one of his books in college. Thanks to Prof. Galan's adoration for him.) Oprah showed the teaser of the movie that I have to put the book I was reading down. It was really an eye catcher (or maybe the narration is). It is a love story of Florentino and Fermina who fell in love with each other after 5 decades of Florentino's waiting. Fermina had a doctor-husband whose death opened the doors for Florentino to woo her again. Florentino, on the other hand, have had several affairs in his efforts to forget about Fermina. Only after 50 years (or so) did they decide to be together, like they were meant to be together after everything that went through their lives. OMG.

(Note: I have not read the book yet. I just based the summary I wrote above from the episode of Oprah. But the book is dead-catching my interest this moment, it can hardly subside. So if anyone would care to sponsor the book for me at PhP245.00 or PhP589.00 -- I'd love to receive the one priced higher. Available in National Bookstore or Powerbooks. Or if I could summon the gods thru my OMGs and let Mhel Tandoc hear this appeal, hahaha, I might fortunately have a copy, hardbound. Mhel, where are you? Teehee.)

*****

Another Oh-My-Godly matter that I am so excited about: The Dark Knight! OMG, I am delirious about this shown on the big screen. Must, must, must see sequel! I have seen Batman movies before and the thrill would not quench at the end of each film. So I WILL SEE THIS MOVIE with or without company. (Ehem, sponsor ulit.) But I know a lot of you blokes would share this same interest with me. Block your calendars now!

And, oh, let's pay Heath Ledger some tribute by watching The Dark Knight onscreen. Bless his soul.

So Bruce Wayne, July 17, it's a date. Here's my card. See you. Hahaha.

*****

Aiza Seguerra won for the second time in the 1-million-peso challenge of The Singing Bee. Oh.My.God. That makes her 2 million pesos ++ richer. I think she deserves it. She has a lovely heart. And though her winning would give her another chance to win more millions, she humbly let go of it to give others the same chance. A champion less the greed. Bow!

*****

OMG for the behavior of James Yap in the last game the other night. A kid in the court! Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.

*****

One last thing. This was not shown on TV last night but it's OMG-ly just the same. I wounded myself just this morning. Yeah, my clumsy behavior will kill me. It did not hurt so badly but the bleeding would not stop. Good thing I always have these band-aid strips with me in my wallet so I got to apply first aid on my damaged fingers. See that bloodspot? Hehehe. Tough girl!

An Economist's Rant

2008-07-09T08:29:00.006+08:00

I took up Economics in college because I want to appreciate the science and art of it. How? I cannot be too sure. I enjoyed attending my subjects. I learned the kinks and skews of graphs, calculated for the saturation points, analyzed theories (I love the sound of Malthusian), and endlessly crossed my brows over my Econometrics professor whose industry of writing numbers in the whiteboard gives him the liberty to overwrite until you cant identify the figures. Very creative. By the way, I took up the same course because I fantasize landing in a research job after graduation. It did not materialize. So I contented myself blogging instead. Funny though, because I do not blog about the economy or some economic-bound issues affecting the world and more considerably, MOI. I am not exempted from the adverse effects of inflation, peso-dollar exchange, coming in and pulling out of investors, my taxes (the hell!), or simply working my ass everyday (because I am a member of the country's labor force).

*****

Hear ye, hear ye! It was on the news today. Fare hike effective Friday (July 11, 2008 -- a happy birthday present for Mark my colleague, I guess). What with the unstoppable rising price of petroleum, I think I can no longer afford to bear a child (huh?!). I was just thinking how expensive it would be to bear and rear one no matter how I consider it a blessing, really. Or only if I would have Bill Gates and his likes as godfathers of my child.

And what about a wage hike? When will the common tao's pocket thicken a few bills or coins more? How many less can you buy with your grocery budget of PhP500 than before? (to be continued...)

End of June, Start of July

2008-07-01T10:08:00.004+08:00

End of June (June 30, that is) I received an email from a colleague with the subject: "Fw: Snooky Serna in love? Hahahaha!" Not another scandalous behavior of celebrities like Snooky, I thought. But wait, the sender included a message saying 'Tin may kaagaw ka na...hehehe! ' and then capping it off with a link of a news article. Ok, so here it is too http://www.abs-cbnnews.com/storypage.aspx?StoryId=123448 . Who must she be referring to? I was intrigued. I checked on the link. Crap. It was Marc ( so I spelled his name right this time) the German! He was being linked to crung-crung (I am so judgemental) Snooky Serna. Hmp! Who cares?! (I can see my ears smoking now. Teehee.) Hindi ko na sya crush. Kasi mahirap ispell ang last name nya - Daubenbuechel. Hay. Turn off. :p Start of July (July 1, for crying out loud) Marc came to the office and I blurted out, "So Marc, you were in the news!" I saw his face flushed scarlet (and he was sooooo cute!!!). He said, "Yeah." I furthered, "So you're a celebrity now, huh?" And he said, "No. I just came to watch her movie. She's very pretty anyway." And he laughed like a kid infatuated with the likes of Pilar Pilapil (murder!). By the way, Marc came to the office to borrow a Nokia phone charger. I so wanna buy a Nokia phone asap. Ms. Ga said that it was my fault my phone is something else but Nokia. Suicide!!! Isn't it nice to have something to open up a conversation with Marc? Ay, di ko na pala sya crush. Well, if I don't remember his last name right, maybe there will be an excuse. End note: Where is Mav? Bakit hindi nag-oonline?

Bloopers At Work

2008-06-27T08:11:00.002+08:00

A chat message for Mark (Rivera, not the German) one good afternoon when Sir Dom was in the mood to buy EITSC a half-gallon ice cream:

Tinao (6/4/2008 1:30:17 PM): ice cream for you in the panty Tinao (6/4/2008 1:30:20 PM): pantry Tinao (6/4/2008 1:30:29 PM): *pantry

It was a typographical error, ok? No offense meant. Ice cream in the panty? Ulk.

*****

While taking lunch with Mav ( I miss you!) and Lala and discussing some trivialities such as sports:

Tinao: Hindi ako marunong maglaro ng billboard eh.
Lala: Huh? Ano sabi mo? Ako din hindi.
Mav: (eyes blinking, skeptic whether she heard the right thing)

Sounds like naman, di ba?

*****

An email was circulated by moi to the ECCP secretariat regarding Ms. Ria's farewell party. I was enjoining everyone to be present in the party but my end note of my email said:

Attention is a must.

Very well said. Attendance and attention na lang sana nilagay ko. I was just preoccupied with so many things then. I sent an erratum afterwards. Hahaha.

Here I Come, Pangasinan

2008-06-26T13:17:00.007+08:00

I am just so excited to return to Pangasinan! No, let me restate that. I am enormously thrilled that every single cell in my body is aching for bagoong. Fish sauce, guys, that brown thick sauce that smells yumyum to me (I just don't know with you) and not the tiny pink shrimps you call 'bagoong'. It's called alamang or agamang in our native tongue. Now, you know.

I miss home. Really. I miss those times when I do not have to hurry returning to Manila even when I do not necessarily have to. I miss my churchmates who would come up with an activity when I'm just there -- vigil, block rosary, carolling, YE seminar, outing, camping, lawn tennis (I just watch) or plainly hanging around the parish office to catch up with the old times (not that we're old though, we just have something to catch up with).

I miss eating with my Papa and Mama even when there is just the three of us. Thinking back, I really had not the chance to open up a conversation about what I was up to lately. Often, I would eat silently, careful not to spill a thing about an unofficial relationship to my Pop and spoil the meal. (Heheheh) I miss my cousins who I know have loads of tales to share to me but they hesitate to because I would rather dwell inside my room than mingle. For so long a time, I missed them a lot. I wasted a lot. There is no way I am going to let another opportunity pass to rekindle what I missed or lost. Uh-uh. Not this time. I'm going to have fun, fun, fun with them this weekend.

The hibernation is over. Tinao (and not McArthur) is returning!

*****

Itinerary for the weekend.

June 27, 6:00 pm Leave for Pangasinan

June 28, 9:00 am Wedding at St. Andrew's Parish, Bugallon (The Prayer na naman ba?)

June 28, 2:30 pm Wedding at Our Lady of Lourdes Parish, Salasa (Two Words by Lea Salonga ha?)

June 28, 4:00 pm Bonding with Bebi Normz (Naglalambing ang bata, miss na daw ang ate. Sige na.)

June 28, 7:00 pm Night Swimming daw sa Covelandia (Mga PYM members, paramdam kayo!)

June 29, 6:00 am First Mass (Kahit di sabihin ni Father Boc)

June 29, 8:00 am Second Mass

June 29, 11:00 am Visit old granny in Baay (Awwww... tagal ko na sya di nakikita!)

June 29, 2:00 pm Visit HS classmates in Lingayen (Theresa, Maricar, Leah pakihanda ang rolls of tissue paper)

June 29, 6:00 pm Dinner at home (Gusto ko po ng gulay)

June 30, 3:00 am Back to Makati City

Fun!

*****

Is this fun?

I love this shot of Gorio, Father Boc's assistant slash alaga. He must be so tired assisting Father in one of the services they came from that he contented himself with a break such as this. I'm sorry to catch you in this shape Gorio. Ate Tinao will print this for you as a souvenir. Hehehe.

When Asthma Attacks

2008-06-25T12:59:00.004+08:00

A dose of Ventolin does not keep the doctor away, neither asthma and betrayal (oh, forget about it). Hindi na yata tumatalab ang gamot sa akin. Kulang na lang pati ang pinagbalatan ko ng tableta eh lunukin ko na rin matigil lang ang paghihingalo ko at pag-ubo. Burnt out na naman ako. Madalas kasi, sa asthma ko sinusukat yung stress level ko. Matagal-tagal na rin kasi na hindi ako sinusumpong ng asthma. Well, muntik na. Kung hindi pa nahulaan ni Ms. Ria na may asthma ako at maninigarilyo sana sya ng isang pakete (exag ako noh?) sa loob ng sasakyan nya (na nakabukas naman ang bintana) habang nakasakay ako sa kotse nya. Nitong huli, halu-halong dahilan ang nagtrigger sa pagsumpong ng asthma ko. Kumbaga sa cause of death, kumplikasyon. Andyan na yung pagod sa paglipat-lipat ng computer tables, sa pagpapakain at pag-aasikaso sa Pointwest trainees (ok lang, well-compensated naman with the likes of Thad), ang pag-uwi ng isang sakong Sinandomeng na bigas ko, ang paghihintay sa taxi nang pagkatagal-tagal, ang mausok na Gil Puyat Avenue, ang pagpapawis ng likod ko at ang pagkakatuyo rin nito sa likod ko, ang paninigarilyo ng Kuya ko, at ang desisyong mag-spend ng weekend sa QC (kasi ayon sa pinsan ko, mas polluted ang environment dun). Sayang, sinumpong pa talaga ako. Hindi ko tuloy naenjoy ang ulan sa maghapon. Hindi ko tuloy matagalan ang manood ng DVD dahil watery yung eyes ko. Hindi tuloy ako nakalabas at nakabili ng white long sleeves ko. Andami ko sana nagawa buong weekend pero tulog lang ang inatupag ko, nagbabakasakaling paggising ko, hindi na ako naghihingalo.

*****

Nagsimula ang lahat isang Byernes ng hapon noong high school ako. PE day ang Byernes sa LEC. Volleyball ang lesson (nakashorts pa ako nun ng black). Hindi pa natatapos ang game, nakaramdam na ako ng pagod. Ni hindi pa nga dumadapo yung bola sa mga kamay ko maliban sa tira ko o serve na 'di na rin naulit (bano!). Magaling kasi ako umiwas sa bola. Nakatayo lang ako sa court, patakbo-takbo, kunwa'y tatangkaing tamaan at ibalik sa kalaban ang bola pero aagawan lang ako ng kasama ko kahit na isigaw ko ang "Mine!" Nagpa-substitute na ako. Kinakapos na ako ng hininga. Pag-upo ko sa bangko (where I belong) eh parang umiikot na nang literal ang mundo ko. Mabilis. At parang kumikitid. Namumutla na pala ako. Abot-abot ang paghinga ko. Akala ko joke lang ang lahat. Seryoso pala na nangyayari yun. Pero nakasurvive ako. Buti na lang wala akong nakitang light at the end of the tunnel.

Kinahapunan nun, pagkatapos ng klase, sinundo ako ng Mama ko. (Sino kaya nagsumbong? Dyahe, sinusundo pa ako eh ok naman na ako.) Dumerecho kami sa Dagupan para mapacheck-up ako. Patpatin at gusgusin, kulang na lang talaga ilabel yung noo ko na "malnourished". Ang daming tanong. Kelan ako huling niregla? Regular ba? (First time ko maencounter yung mga ganitong tanong, promise) May history ba ng hypertension? Ng TB? At kung anu-ano pa. Lahat yun, Mama ko ang sumagot. (Sya ba ang maysakit?) Well, it boiled down into a thing: ASTHMA. Di ko alam paano nalaman ng duktor yun. Flinashlight nya lang yung loob ng bunganga ko, alam na nya?! Amazing! Allergic daw ako sa usok ng sigarilyo at pati alikabok. So that will oblige me to clean my room more often. Pambihira talaga.

May prescription agad. Nebulizer. Nakakaloka. Pero maige na rin kesa ang painumin ako ng pinagpakuluan ng butiki o ang paglanguyin ako sa dagat. Effort.

Rainy Days and Mondays

2008-06-23T07:42:00.006+08:00

It is a rainy Monday morning. And thank God for storm Frank (yeah, I'm considering it a blessing in disguise). The traffic is so smooth. Students are not around to vie with you for space in PUVs. Bwahaha. Waging-wagi! Traces of Frank in Makati are everywhere. Fallen leaves and damp streets. The bamboo trees infront of The Columns originally implanted in there for aesthetic purposes yielded to Frank's winds. I saw one security guard taking photos of the bamboos (sosyal!) -- for postcard maybe. ;) Rains give me that euphoric mood. Rains bring back my delightful childhood memories. Rains remind me of the Cali Shandy commercial.

******

I owe my friends birthday greetings:

June 22 - Maricar Ramos, June (of IIEE-CSC)

June 23 - Mitch (of UST-AB Economics 03), Xian (of UST-AB Economics 03)

Just congratulations to my former classmate slash guy pal slash adviser slash brother slash constant chatmate slash provincemate slash so on Junlee Cacapit for finally receiving his visa for London. Taray!

******

My sincerest condolences to Ervi Rodriguez (of UST-AB Legal Management 01 and Our Lady of Lourdes Youth Ministry) for the death of his father.

*****

And I want to repost this read from my friend Jeff's Multiply site just so I could paint a smile in your face. (http://jeffreysarm.multiply.com/journal/item/19/Movies)

1. Black hawk down - Ibong maitim sa ibaba
2. Dead man's chest - Dede ng patay
3. I know what you did last summer - Uyy... aminin!
4. Love, actually - Sa totoo lang, pag-ibig
5. Million dollar baby - 40 million pisong sanggol (it depends on the exchange rate of the country)
6. The blair witch project - Ang proyekto ng bruhang si blair
7. Mary poppins - Si mariang may putok
8. Snakes on a plane - Nag-ahasan sa ere
9. The postman always rings twice - Ang kartero kapag dumutdot laging dalawang beses
10. Sum of all fears - Takot mo, takot ko, takot nating lahat
11. Swordfish - Talakitok
12. Pretty woman - Ganda ng lola mo
13. Robin hood, men in tights - Si robin hood at ang mga felix bakat
14. 4 weddings & a funeral - Kahit 4 na beses ka pang magpakasal, mamamatay ka rin
15. The good, the bad and the ugly - Ako, ikaw, kayong lahat (Hahaha!)
16. Harry potter and the sorcerer's stone - Adik si harry, tumira ng shabu
17. Click - Isang pindot ka lang
18. Brokeback mountain - May nawasak sa likod ng bundok ng tralala /bumigay sa bundok
19. Waterworld - Basang-basa
20. There's something about mary - May kwan sa ano ni maria
21. Employee of the month - Ang sipsip
22. Resident evil - Ang biyenan
23. Kill bill - Kilitiin sa bilbil
24. The grudge - Lintik lang ang walang ganti
25. Nightmare before christmas - Binangungot sa noche buena
26. Annie hall - Ang butas ni annie
27. Never been kissed - Pangit kasi (Hahaha talaga!)
28. Gone in 60 seconds - 1 round, tulog
29. The fast and the furious - Ang bitin, galit
30. Too fast, too furious - Kapag sobrang bitin, sobrang galit
31. Dude, where's my car - Dong, anong level ulit tayo nag-park?
32. Beauty and the beast - Ang asawa ko at ang nanay nya (Hahaha ulit!)
33. The lord of the rings - Ang alahero

*****

The day has not ended yet and I'm still getting a load of surprises. Haha!

On my way to the elevator at 12:35 p.m. to buy myself a cup of rice for lunch (yes guys, I took my lunch that late), I saw Mark the G. (the German!) waiting for the lift at the elevator lobby. Is this some kind of a joke? (Nah, coincidence lang) I sashayed to join him wait for the elevator. And since I think the situation called for emergency, I naturally combed my hair with my fingers to fix it in place. Ooops, blouse, check. Pants, check. Shoes, check. Perfume, uh-oh, I do not wear perfume. I sure hope he won't necessarily sniff like a dog. If he does, he has to bear with my sweat, este sweet smell.

We were the sole couple, I mean we were the only two people (that makes a couple, doesn't it?) there. When the elevator door opened, he held the door for me and motioned me to enter the elevator ahead. Classic gentleman, is he? And what? Is this called my lucky day? We were the only people inside! Where is everybody? As in nada, zero. Only me and him. But he was busy reading that trash he's holding to notice me. :( I only got to relish the moment with him inside the elevator for 5 seconds or so. When we stopped at the 18th floor, two girls entered and helped themselves fill in the space that separates me and Mark the G. I want to get hold of a wand and shout "Patronus!" there and then. Hahaha.

When finally the elevator landed at the Ground Floor, I eased myself out instantly to forget about fancying him. I headed to the jolly jeeps to buy rice for myself but since it was nearing 1:00 p.m., I get to see the vendors cleaning up the empty trays. In short, wala ng rice! I proceeded to the canteen instead while chanting, God, help! I'm starving. He heard my prayer -- and still with a bonus. Mark the G. was heading to a table all by himself. I ordered a cup of rice while my peepers are focused somewhere else. A naughty idea came to me. What if I join him for lunch? Will I get rejected? Well, what if's will stay what if's unless done. So I only frustrated myself. I remember that commercial with the cliche, "Is this seat taken?"

I left the canteen blowing him my sweetest gaze with batting eyelashes. Only that, he does not know.

*****

Have a nice week ahead!

Ang Liham ni Mav (a.k.a. Mab)

2008-06-18T15:46:00.005+08:00

Isang ping (bago ang liham) ang aking natanggap mula kay Marivie Duran, ang aking dating kaopisina dito sa EITSC, kasundo, kaututang isip, kakulitan, kakiligan, kakambal, kalokohan (hehehehe). Sabi nya mayroon daw syang isinulat na liham para sa akin. At dahil hindi na uso ang snail mail at marahil ay masyadong techie itong si Mav, ay sa blog nya ito isinulat. Note: Pasensya Mav, dahil blog ko ito, may mga kailangang akong i-omit. Ahahaha. Masyadong vulgar. Hindi ko na rin ilalagay 'yung reference site ng blog mo. Ayoko nga! Narito ang liham na nilagdaan ni Mav (a.k.a. Mab para hindi na masyadong mahirap pakinggan at bigkasin):

Dear Tina-pay,
Ilang buwan na din tayong magkakilala at masasabing kong isa kang matibay na nilalang. Malakas ang loob mo, hindi ka natatakot sumubok ng mga bagay-bagay. Hindi ka natakot magmahal. Saludo ako sayo.
Kung mayroon man akong 'twin sister' sigurado akong ikaw yun. Hindi ko din alam kung bakit nagkakasundo tayo, hindi ko din alam kung bakit magaan ang loob ko sayo.
Hindi kasalanan ang magmahal. Kung hindi man naging maganda ang kinalabasan ng pagmamahal na iyon, eh ano?! Okay lang yun. At least ibinigay mo ang lahat ng makakaya mo at hindi ka natakot magmahal. Kung hindi man niya iyon nasuklian ng ayon sa gusto mo, hindi mo na kasalanan yun.
Huwag mong isipin na wala kang silbi dahil hindi iyon totoo. Kailan man hindi iyon magiging totoo.
"Its not the failures that matters, its what you have learned."
Subukan mo ulit. Walang pumipigil sa iyo. Wala din namang nagmamadali sa iyo.
Hindi nasusukat sa tagal ng pagsasama ang pagmamahal sa isang tao. Hindi rin ito nasusukat sa mga hirap at saya na pinagdaanan nyo. Madalas walang sukatan ang pagmamahal.
Malinis ang iyong kalooban, makakatagpo ka din ng para sa iyo. Subukan mo ulet. Subukan mo ulet mag&^$# sa * o kaya ang *... hindi ko na lang sasabihin kasi alam mo na iyon :).
Kung gusto mo siya walang problema dun at kung kailangan mo ako, alam mo kung ano ang kaya ko hahaha :). Pero alam mo naman kung ano ang kumento ko ukol sa kanya, pagisipan mo :).
You are loved. You are always loved. By me.

Nagmamahal,

Mav
* *toot* boopboopbaby:)

Thank you Mav. Thank you dahil kahit alam kong nabobore ka at walang magawa sa trabaho mo ay nag-exert ka ng effort (brain bleed) para sa liham na ito. Nangingilid na ang luha ko. Ang babaw ko talaga. Nega and drama queen na ako.

Gagawa din ako ng reply letter ko. Antayin mo lang. May training pa kami. Hahaha.

LTO = LITO less "I"

2008-06-16T12:38:00.005+08:00

Not another phone conversation to start my blog with. Argh! But this really happened. And I want to narrate it exactly the way I could recount it. Kriiing. Kriiiingg. Past one in the afternoon and I am throwing my usual phone spiel again with my usual pleasant voice (ehem!). But I have this funny feeling I know who my caller might be. A gift of ESP! The voice from the other side was muttering my name like he was reading from my birth certificate. I asked who he was. He declared who he is. My eyes bulged and spelled D.I.S.A.S.T.E.R. Instantly, I was telling my friend over YM that I'm speaking to the person I dreaded speaking to. I could barely hear the caller's words. He has to repeat what he was saying if he has to juice out something from me. I was only trying to imply I was not really interested. I just do not know how to do it the subtle way. Chocolates? Pasalubongs? In my most composed and courteous tone, I said, "'Wag na ho kayong mag-abala."

He must have noticed I was being inadequate with my answers. He prompted, "O sige, baka nakakaistorbo na ako sa'yo." To cut the call short, I uttered, "Sige po." I was not at all surprised when he furthered, "Ano oras ka lumalabas?" To which I said, "6:30 pm" My mind was imploring for help. Stalker! Stalker! He hang up, leaving me bewildered. Somebody shoot me, please. It's the kindest way. I wanna resign. ;-)

*****

As to how, why, when, who and where the above story transpired, I need not delve into details. Let's just say, it was a very uncalled for circumstance that lead me to meeting him in the most unexpected place and time, I did not have time to think. Or was I really thinking then? It was not really a smart move. (Dumb-me-dumb-me-dumb-me-dumb-me. Talk like a man. Act like a man. Dumb-me-dumb-me-dumb-me. *Own lyrics) This is what I get when I offer even the tiniest gesture of kindness I could. Napasobra ata. I am very generous! That's one thing certain.

*****

I'm buying a new, tinier umbrella next payday.

*****

Meanwhile, you may say this short prayer: "Lord Jesus, I need You. Thank You for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life and receive You as my Savior and Lord. Thank You for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Take control of the throne of my life. Make me the kind of person You want me to be." Amen.

Blog Makeover

2008-06-13T18:20:00.004+08:00

Hmmm, I noticed something about myself lately. I am addicted to blogging! I have maintained this blog since 2004 but I only get to blog regularly this year. It must be something really nice to be proud of. My mind has gone sloppy for quite some time that I'm running out of words to say -- more definite words to describe how I feel and what I want to tell the world. So, instead of nourishing this site with words filthy spoken (read: &%^$#@!) because I'm feeling like i wanna lash, I just decided to do a blog makeover. Para maiba naman. Voila! I love the new look of my blog. It is wider. It is much better. It can accommodate more of my blasting ideas and emotions. Way to go! A blessed week everyone! God has something in store for us everyday. Fill your hearts with excitement to discover each one.

Way to Recovery

2008-06-13T07:44:00.003+08:00

Umagang-umaga, nagboblog na naman ako. Ok lang. Wala pa namang 8:00 am eh. Di ko alam kung bakit pero after what seemed to be endless excruciating moments over something I should not have wasted time in, eh I feel so light and up again. God must have taken charge over my life now. He truly must be. Paglapag ko pa lang ng bag ko sa chair ko, on agad ang notebook at ang water dispenser para sa hot water ko. Parang nasa bahay lang ba? Hubad ng sapatos at sabay saksak sa paa ng pair of sheep-ish bed slippers ni Ms. Ria (na iniwan sa office kay Ms. Rina na syang tunay na nagmamay-ari nito). Lambot sa paa. Gusto kong sumayaw. Wala pang tao sa office eh. Kung kelan naman gusto ko ng partner para mag-sway-sway sa pinapatugtog kong Michael Buble songs eh saka naman hindi nagpapakita yung mumu sa ECCP office (ok, i take that back. Takot ako sa mumu eh.) Timpla na ako ng Milo drink ko, for energy daw. (Nadaan na naman ako sa ads.) Pagewang-gewang ako sa tugtugin habang iniikot ang kutsarita sa cup of chocolate drink ko. Feeling ko para akong kutsaritang sumasayaw nung makita ko ang reflection ko sa window. Hmmmm... payat ko na ah! Ok lang yun. Papagarage sale ako ng mga damit na pinagpayatan ko. Hahahaha. Ibang songs naman. Somewhere Over the Rainbow by Nora Jones. Humahampas yung mga balikat ko sa tempo ng song. Para akong si Maja Salvador. Hahaha. Sa ganda at payat ko ngayon, di na ako nalalayo sa kanya(in my dreams). Anyway, I still think Nora Jones and Michael Buble sound good together. I mean, they can make a good couple singing forever. Di ba? Madalas kasi pinagbabasehan ng tao ang looks, hence the phrase they look good together. Para maiba naman, wag na lang tignan sa mukha, sa boses na lang. They sound good together. O di ba? Tignan mo si Rachel Ann at Christian Bautista. I do not think they sound good together, kaya ayun, naghiwalay sila. Pokwang and Christian siguro, pwede pa. Eh bakit way to recovery? Kasi nga, I'm singing again like I own the voice of God. I'm dancing again like there's no one watching. Cool yun. Being yourself, your happy true self. So fully recovered na ako? I'm getting there! Yuhooooo....

*****

To my ever-loyal pianist (ayoko sabihin organist or keyboard artist. Promise, ang sagwa pakinggan.), Mac. Salamat sa pagtitiyaga sa pagtugtog mo ng mga piyesang pinili ko para sa Kanya. Sa pilit na pag-abot ng key mo at in the end eh ako pa rin ang nasusunod, salamat. Nagttranspose ka rin sa key ko. Ahahaha. Salamat sa gift of music which we both share. Maswerte akong nakatagpo ng kaibigang tulad mo na sa low points ng buhay ko eh instrumental lang ng theme song ng Lovingly Yours, Helen ang ipinangtatapat mo para bumagsak mga luha ko. Salamat, Mac. Hindi lang pinsan ang turing ko sa'yo. Bestfriend and church bandmate pa. Sa susunod na pag-uwi ko, God of Silence naman kakantahin ko. Ayan, umiiyak na naman ako.

Top 5 Hirit Lines sa Loob ng MRT

2008-06-12T17:08:00.003+08:00

Independence Day ngayon. 110th, to be exact. Ayon sa aking pamangkin na nag-aaral sa UST, may libreng sakay daw ang mga LRT commuter mula 7:00 n.u. hanggang 9:00 n.u. Nanghihinayang sya sa hindi nya pagkakalibre ng sakay sa LRT dahil mas maaga pa sa 7:00 n.u. kung sya ay nakakasakay ng tren. Magpasalamat na lang sya, ikako, dahil malamang sa hindi, gahibla na lang ang layo nya sa makakasakayan nya sa mga oras na yun na pagsakay nya ng LRT sa SOBRANG siksikan.

*****

Matagal ko na sana itong nailathala -- ang patungkol sa Hirit Lines sa loob ng MRT, nawawaglit lang talaga sa abalang isipan ko (talaga lang ha!?).

Isa akong proud MRT commuter. Sa umaga, mula Quezon Avenue Station (noon yun) hanggang Buendia Station, hindi ko alintana kung tumayo ako habang nakahawak sa hawakan o railing ng tren. Kapag sumusuray ang tren, nakikisuray ka rin. 'Pag pumreno, mapapaurong ka rin. (Law of Inertia yata tawag dun.)

'Di bale nang nakatayo at nakikipagsiksikan, 'wag lang ang mahuli sa pagpasok sa opisina. 'Di bale nang mangawit sa mahigpit na pagkakahawak sa hawakan ng tren, 'wag lang mangamoy usok at pawis at magmukhang taong grasa pagharap mo sa salamin sa CR ng office. Iyan ang MRT -- mas mainam na solusyon-biyahe sa mga taong ayaw matraffic at magmukhang harassed pagdating sa office. Iyan din ang MRT -- ang mahiwagang sasakyan kung saan nagiging amasona ang mga babae at nagiging mapagpigil sa pakikipagsuntukan ang mga lalaki (wala silang choice, no space for duel eh.) Ang MRT -- ang lugar kung saan if looks could kill eh matagal nang naging haunted train sa dami ng gustong makipagpatayan makasakay lang.

*****

Eto pa lamang ang aking natatala sa aking Top 5 Hirit Lines sa Loob ng MRT (mapa-coach man ng babae o lalaki) as of June 12, 2008:

Aray ko! ARAY KO! Sadyang naka-all caps 'yung pangalawang ARAY KO! Minsan kasi, sa unang aray ng isang MRT commuter na naiipit, natutulak o nabubunggo eh ded-ma ang nang-iipit, nanunulak o nambubunggo. Kailangan pang lakasan at lagyan ng stress sa pamamagitan ng pag-uulit ng sinasabi mo para maiabot ang mensahe mo sa mga sadya o 'di sinasadyang nanakit. Strategy din yan para mabigyan ka ng space.

'Wag naman kayo manulak! Pansinin na ang pagkakasabi ng karamihan sa MRT commuters ay addressed sa subject in plural form. Sa pagkakasakay mo kasi sa MRT, ang nanunulak sa 'yo ay tinutulak ng nanunulak sa nanunulak sa nanunulak sa likod mo. (Whew!) Kaya kapag humirit ka ng ganyan, addressed to the public 'ika nga. Tamaan na ang guilty!

Ano pa problema mo? Iyan ang matapang at mataray na sagot ng mga guilty sa pagtulak, pang-iipit o pambubunggo ng kapwa MRT commuter. Palibhasa, hindi pwedeng hindi makaganti sa pagkakapahiya o pamimintang sa kanila, yan ang matinding counterattack nila. Minsan din, ginagamit ito pangdepensa sa mga sumisimple sa pagtulak, pag-ipit o pagbunggo para masindak sila sa katarayan mo.

Kita na lang tayo sa ------ station! Ito ang bungad ng mga magkakasamang commuters (magsyota, mag-ina, mag-ama, mag-asawa, magkapatid, magbarkada, magkaribal, magkapitbahay, magkabit, etc.) sa isa't-isa kapag napaghihiwalay sa pagsara ng pintuan ng MRT. Iisang paroroonan pero magkaiba ng nasakyang coach ng tren. Ang isa, nadadala sa agos ng heavy commuters at ang isa naman, napag-iwanan dahil sa.... ano nga ba...uhmmm, katangahan na lang siguro.

Wow! Macau! Self-explanatory. Paid voice advertisement ito ng Chowking na sobrang dry. Akala ko kasi nung una ad sya ng Magic Sing. Alam mo yun, yung Wow Magic Sing. Hay ewan ko ba. You should hire me! Hehehe.

Hayan na ang aking listahan. Marami pa sana pero iyan lamang ang mga pumatok sa pagmamasid ko (na pati pagdadasal ko ng rosaryo ko eh 'di ko natatapos dahil sa aking pagmamasid at pag-uusisa).

*****

Madalang na ako maging MRT commuter ngayon. Hindi, wala pa akong kotse at wala pa ring naghahatid sa aking may sasakyan. Hindi rin, wala ako pambayad sa cab araw-araw. Sikretong malupit na lang kung bakit. :P

*****

Lady Voice Over: Buendia Station, Buendia Station. Kindly exit the train on the left side. Maari lamang pong lumabas sa kaliwang pinto. Maraming salamat po. (Wala lang ito. Natuwa ako sa bagong ininstall na voice prompt sa MRT kahit mali-mali sya ng pagbanggit sa kung saan istasyon ka na nga ba. Mabuti na yun kesa yung dating MRT driver slash announcer na sa umaga ay garalgal pa ang boses na parang 'di pa nagmumumog. Hah!)

Melody from the Past

2008-06-12T07:15:00.002+08:00

Habang tinatahak ko ang daan papuntang Makati sakay ng bus, tumugtog sa ere ang isang kantang nagdala sa akin sa nakaraan. (Time space warp, ngayon din!) Nagtatawanan kami ng pinsan ko. Grade 4 ako nun at nasa bahay nila kami, sa may itaas. Umuulan din nun at ang tanging alam naming libangan sa tuwing sasapit ang Sabadong tulad nun ay magbasa ng mga lipas na episodes ng True Horoscope (ewan ko kung kilala nyo si Nimpha). May tugtog pa (multitasking talaga ang lahi namin) mula sa radyo nilang maliit. FM station yun na di ko na maalala. Tumutugtog yung "Nakapagtataka" at in fairness, sinasabayan din ng ulan at ng malalamig naming boses ang saliw. Birit kung birit. Bigla nya ako tinanong kung paglaki ko ano daw ba ang gusto ko maging. Sabi ko gusto ko maging abogado o di kaya nag-oopis din lang gaya ni Mama. Sabi nya, hindi daw ako naging matalino para lang mag-opis. Ibinalik ko sa kanya ang tanong. Eh ikaw? Sabi nya, gusto nyang maging plain housewife. Napanganga ako. Huh? Plain housewife? Hindi ko tiyak kung ano iniisip ko nun, napatanong ako ng 'Ano bang propesyon yung walang asawa?' Sagot nya, Madre. Sabat ko, 'Sige, magmamadre na lang ako.' Nag-iba ang tugtog. Tuyo Na'ng Damdamin. Di namin alam ang lyrics pero dahil maganda ang melody napatigil ako sa pagbabasa at nakinig. Gayon din pala ang pinsan ko. Sa murang edad, hindi pa namin alam kung paano ma-inlove pero sa pagkakataong iyon, ang kantang 'yon ang nagpaliwanag kung paanong mawalan ng minamahal. Kanta pa lang, nakakapagod na. Isang tingin lang namin sa isa't-isa, nagkaintindihan kami na kailangang mag-ingat sa pagpili ng mamahalin. Itinuloy namin ang pagbabasa ng True Horoscope. Panaka-naka, nahuhuli ko sya nakatingin sa kawalan. Nagmumuni-muni. Ang lalim ng iniisip. Ako rin, di ko maitanggi na napapaisip din ako. Eto nga pala yung lyrics ng kanta na tinutukoy ko.

Tuyo Na'ng Damdamin (Silent Sanctuary) Minsan kahit na pilitin mong uminit ang damdamin Di siya susunod, at di maglalambing Minsan di mo na mapigil mapansin Na talagang wala nang naiiwan na pagmamahal [Refrain] At kahit na anong gawin Di mo na mapilit at madaya Aminin sa sarili mo Na wala ka nang mabubuga Parang 'sang kandila na nagdadala Ng ilaw at liwanag Nauubos rin sa magdamag (Instrumental) Minsan di mo na mapigil mapansin Na talagang wala nang naiiwan na pagmamahal (Repeat Refrain) Di na madaig o mabalik ang dating matamis na kahapon Pilitin ma'y tuyo na'ng damdamin Tuyo na'ng damdamin (repeat 4x)

*****

Sya nga pala. May asawa na yung pinsan ko ngayon. Apat na ang anak at plain housewife nga sya. Ako nag-oopis. Wala na yung itaas ng bahay nila. Balita ko kasi winasak ng bagyong Cosme nung nakaraang buwan ng Mayo kaya sa Level 1 na lang ng bahay nila sila nakatira. Nakakapagmuni-muni pa rin kaya sya?

Tears at North Park

2008-06-11T10:49:00.004+08:00

6:00 pm. Sharp. I have known her to know exactly what the time is and how she would spend it that is why I made it a point to arrive at that spot before the agreed time. But standing and waiting is not in my frame. I still have 15 minutes to wait so I decided to marvel at what KFC has to serve my stomach with. I contented myself with chicken sandwich, regular golden brown fries and soda. These must be enough to compensate my dawdling for a while. The fries were gone and I was not halfway over munching my bite of the sandwich, my phone beeped. It signalled me to pick up my things and proceed to the meeting place. She was screaming my name at the sight of me. I could only open my arms to welcome her for an embrace. Gosh, she has longer hair now. She looked prettier to me, better than when I last saw her. I was delighted to see her again! She said I look sexier. I wanted to object but I brushed off the compliment like it was just her nature to say that. In the first place, I was meeting with her to catch up with the old times and not to argue with her. We decided to eat at Tempura only to settle at North Park when we got there. Hahaha. Girls will be girls. We ordered for dried herb noodles, steamed sharks fin and spicy garlic squid. The best part is, while the food we ordered are sizzling in the pot, the chat started to simmer as well. Talking about what transpired in our lives for the longest time we have not met and talked again would take forever. What made me fixated in my comfy chair was her asking me, "What have you learned from it?" That same question got me preoccupied while eating. Did I really learn a thing? I was not prepared when the tears welled in my eyes sooner than I could wipe it with the table napkin. I learned to love more than myself. She had revelations thereafter. She said God is a jealous God. He will take away all those you love more than Him. True. True. I recounted that my service for Him waned for a time. I was not paying so much attention. I only focused on one (now) trivial person who was (now) taken away from me. I started crying again over that thought. She said it's high time I move on. She was the nth person to tell me that. And i was crying again. I was very generous for tears. A long, heavy breath escaped me. She told me to do the things I so longed to do. Study abroad. Seek better employment. Travel. Life is beautiful and so are you, she said. I was inspired. What was cried over at North Park will be left at North Park -- like the crumpled tissue I used to dry my tears. No left-overs. No take-outs. Thank you, Ms. Jane.

*****

And speaking of tears and moving on, I just have these words to share which were also shared to me today:

1.) The world will not stop revolving to wait for you.

2.) Don't cry over spoiled milk. (Spoiled ba or spilled? The point is, don't cry!)

Be inspired!