Disconnected

Dependence. Addiction. Way of life. If these are not what Internet brings about in your work or personal life, then you are still capable of saving your sane self, however primitive. I am becoming a mad madman. What without Internet! I cannot imagine. Bayantel is getting on my nerves again. This is not the first time our office’s Internet connection was ‘temporarily disconnected’. And tickle me with the details, because it’s for the same reason: unsettled bill. I asked the impassive customer service representative (Hello?! We teach customer service!) in response to her claim and I know this is yet another déjà vu. ‘Miss, have you sent us the billing statement yet for that unsettled bill? Would you care checking on your records? Who received it and when?’ I was quite in the mood to talk incessantly but I stopped myself. ‘Hold on a second, Ma’am,’ she said. The timer ticks one, two, three, four, five, and counting. I have more than enough time to recall one of the good customer service habits before she came back at the other line – under promise and over deliver. But for her, it has been more than a second! Gracious. She answered my queries with, ‘Ma’am, we would just notify the person in charge to send you the billing statement.’ Now that was very lame! I was still composed, thinking how lucky this lady might be that we were not talking face-to-facet. Or she would be sorry she answered my phonecall. I could transform into a living mascot for UST - a growling tiger should the opportunity calls for it. But, whhhaaattt??? She can't even provide me with some useful information! This is getting difficult each time. This was the same issue I had discussed way back with another CSR but I guess my take was not duly noted. In my best effort, I gave that familiar unsolicited litany of how things this disastrous may have been avoided. You (Bayantel) send the billing statement, we prepare the check, we get Internet connection, you don't get complaints. It's just a walk in the park! To think that there was not even a disconnection notice. I could no longer stand her desolation. I hung up. With a 'temporarily disconnected' status, I could not access my emails. I could not upload my training calendar. No Friendster. No Facebook. No blog. No Chikka. No YM. No Skype. Only more and more difficult work. Hay.

*****

Bright side of life: I did too many calls for a day. Can't they see I'm happy? No, they can't.

*****

Speaking of disconnected, I got an unexpected SMS from this bloke who I somehow missed for several days now. He was disconnected, to put it lightly, because he has not been online since mid last week. I was even worried I might have said something awful to him and scared him away. Hahaha. I know vampires can be really scary but a fan like me can do no more harm than eat cooked pork and dinuguan.

But hey, he has valid reasons to be 'disconnected' at least. Unlike that CSR and her rotten excuses. He got stranded somewhere (maybe there was an avalanche, but I hope not) but still managed to transmit an SMS. His SMS was An Answer to my wonderings. (Why is that?) And yes, I Absolutely Agree that soon enough, I'll hear from him again. You know, like reconnection.

*****

Bring our Internet connection back!!!

Month of What?

It's February already. I have not been looking at my calendar for the past few days -- either for dread of seeing the transition of the months or just because I'm lazy to tear off the page. Who am I kidding? It's the latter. Why do I dread January ending and February coming? Kathleya answered it for me. I was blowing my hair to dry upstairs when she shrieked in declaration "Eeeeh!!! February na! Valentine's na!" If I were downstairs, I should have hushed her and told her to mind her cooking. My eyes rolled and I sighed. She did not have to reiterate it. Gahz! It's pretty obvious that February is bloody hell here! Establishments at the Araneta Center are posting hearts and cupids in bold red at the store windows -- reminiscent of how Christmas must be near with Christmas trees and carols all around. But I can tell from Kathleya's shrieking that I'm not the only person in the house with issues on February. Well, not really issues, but yeah, more or less. Talk about being dateless. No, in my case, I refuse to date. At least not yet. I had already planned out how I'm going to spend February 14th. I know Kathleya has plans too. She has many plans! And we agree so much in planning to 'get busy' on the 14th. I'm going home to Pangasinan then. Im off to the beach by the day, watch a [seminary] play by the night. Alone or with company. I already told my cousin who has been bum for a while to join me to the beach. She doesn't think it's a good idea considering that she has a boyfriend but she already agreed. And she can't take that back. No negotiations with the brat. And of course she can't take her boyfriend with her! I want the beach to be sightly, and I think smooching lovers will be an eyesore. Eww. It's February alright. And it's not exclusive for lovers! Whoever told it's the love-month!? Huh? I lived my whole life with so many February-ies and I survived them with or without a lover, with flowers and none. Besides, every month (and everyday for that matter) is a time to love, to spread the love!

No Clicks

"jejeje, ok lang noh, xa yta pnksweet s lhat ng ex ko, promise, pg alm nya my gus2 k s knya li2gawan k nya, gnun xa, jejeje,kya go lng."

That was an SMS from my cousin. I do not see the point of mentioning who she is and who she is referring to. I just related to her that this guy, who happened to be her ex, was asking for my number. And so that message. I thought, whatever happened to courtship not dwelling on mobile phones? Or chat? Or emails? Or anything clickable?! Does love happen in just a click? I don't know. Which makes me upset. Argh! Guys (with the 's'!), work your asses out please. Find me. Or no, do not let me know you are looking for me. I'm often hard to find all the more. Hahaha.

Ang Muling Liham

Nakailang liham na rin si Mav (aka Mab) sa akin. Ni isa, wala pa akong sinasagot nang may pagtitiyaga. Ang mga natataong liham. Hindi ko alam kung paano nyang nararamdaman na wala ako sa sarili ko gayong sarili ko mismo, hindi ko mawari kung nasa wastong pag-iisip pa ba ako o wala na. Kahit bihira pa kaming magkita. Kung may babaeng Bob Ong sa buhay ko, si Mav na siguro yun. Isang 21-year old na animo'y dalubhasa sa usaping pag-ibig, sa madamdaming talakayan. Narito ang katibayan, isang hapong di ko inaasahan. Isang liham na nagpabuhos sa aking mga luha, mahirap pigilan.

Tinao,

Time doesn't guarantee love. May mga pagkakataon na kahit ang tagal tagal nyo nang magkasama at nasa isang relasyon, nauuwi din sa wala. Mayroon din naman na sandali mo palang siya nakakasama pero alam mong sya na talaga. Wala yun sa tagal o sa bilis.

Pag mas lalo mong hinahanap mas lalo itong magtatago mula sayo. Mas pinipilit mo, mas lalong hindi mapapasaiyo.

Right timing. Hindi dahil nahuhuli ka na o feeling mo dapat magsettle down ka na, magpapapressure ka na. Don't invest on things if you don't intend to keep it forever.

Mahirap maginvest sa isang tao. Wag kang papasok sa isang relasyon, dahil gusto mo lang magkaroon ng karelasyon. Bakit ka magiinvest kung hindi mo naman nakikita na sya ang kasama mo sa habang buhay. Waste of time my dear. Wag mong sayangin ang enerhiya mo para sa isang walang kwentang bagay.

Focus. Learn to love what you have.

Be happy. If you are single, be proud. Don't let other people look at you as if you are a loser. At least you own everything you have. Wala kang kahati. You are your own boss.

Enjoy being single. If it takes months or years or whatever, so what. Kasi pag may dumating na at di mo inenjoy ang pagiging single mo, may hahanapin at hahanapin ka sa buhay mo na di mo makita. You will jump from one relation to another. It will not be healthy for you as well as the other person.

Open up. Malay mo he's just around at hinahanap ka din nya. Pero malay mo, hindi pa talaga sya dumadating so be open to possibilities.

Friendship is the stepping stone of a bigger act.

Love. Learn. Stumble. Fall. Rise Up.

I love you Tinao for whoever you are and nothing can change that.

I will always be here for you. No matter what.

Love,

Mab

Salamat, Mav. Mana ka talaga sa akin. Naisulat mo lang, naisip ko rin. Hahahaha. At ito na nga ba ikinakatakot ko. Nahawaan ka na ni JM.

I love you too.

P.S. Mav! I found this photo of us! We were so batchoys then! Guess who took this photo? Guess and you'll have a prize! Hahaha. Go! Yuckkkkeeerrrzzzz....

Laugh All The Way (My Funny Life Series)

Life goes on. And so do the jokes that life plays on you. Just when I thought my life's antics yesterday would be over at my ATM withdrawal attempts, something even trickier than that was waiting for me before my office-day ended. Here it is, in full account. I was tasked to attend the exhibitors' briefing yesterday for the e-Services event slated on February 9 and 10. Of course, I made sure I took note of the important details I have to remember. And being the responsible person I know I am, I stayed until the last question raised by the exhibitors was addressed even if my feet were stomping impatiently under the table, itching to dash off. At 5:45 pm, I felt relief to hear the host wishing us a safe trip home. Clutching my manual and bag in one arm, I ran the door with a smile. The next minute, that long escalator trip was bringing me ten steps away from the landing. And before I have time to backout (not that I planned to), I recognized someone instantly near the landing, talking to someone I took not notice of. When he glanced my way, he gave me that familiar smile, acknowledging my presence. He called my name before I could sshh him. I declared his name back. Kuya Tacky! I must have startled the person he was talking to enough to make him turn around and reiterate my presence. My precious name uttered in surprise would turn heads, I tell you. Another person approached me and gave me a nod while my mind is trying to recall who he is. Nicholas Cage? No, Marvin corrected me: Vladimir. Oh yes. And I knew right then his presence was a clue to something I knew is coming. My former boyfriend was heading towards where we are gathered, his face quite unsure if he was doing the right thing, I can tell. Hahaha. But he did say 'Hi, Tin!' to me, which I answered back with 'Uy, Dick!' and quickly dismissed whatever he was planning to say back by turning to Marvin for a chat. His name sounded funny as I heard myself say it. What do you think? It was my first-ever encounter with my former boyfriend. I was not prepared for this. Or if ever I was preparing for it many times in the past, I forgot how to do it that instant when we were there face to face. Preparation never really helped. It was an entirely different scene from what and how I pictured it to be. No violence. No screaming. No crying. No tension. No drama. Hahaha. I am, after all, not a warfreak! And if there is something I did prove myself I am capable of doing, it's that I HAVE MOVED ON! Yeah! Woohooo with somersaults! I faced him [my former boyfriend] with all-smiles and confidence. It felt like I saw an old friend again. Nothing more. Just tales, no hurt feelings. And did he even ask to take photos of me with my former colleagues! I know he did not mean to show off, but I did know he just got his new D-something Canon camera from his father, whom he paid at a fatherly rate. It was funny that I easily obliged posing before his new lens. Am I a camwhore! I said my goodbyes after a while but he was suddenly not there to bid me farewell back. That was fine though. It did not hurt. I traced my way home like I would not be having chestpains ever again. Kidding. So life, I managed to play around with your jokes again. Bring on! (I hope to post the photos my former boyfriend took if he sends me a copy. Goodluck!?)

My Funny Life

Is life playing jokes on me again? If it is, I am left with no choice but to laugh at its jokes no matter how unoriginal -- like I've been through this several times and laughing is but the natural and ONLY reaction. Resistance is pretty much unwelcome. My life would enjoy playing jokes on me all the more. Let me share with you some playful scenes of my rolling life today. Laugh if you may. I do not know if you could call me unlucky. But then again, here they are.

*****

Life's Joke #1:

As soon as I alighted the jeepney, I headed to the ATM to dig up some cash for the day. I knew that my ATM card has gone nuts the other day but there's no harm trying today, I thought. I slipped in the card and Voila! the machine did not throw it out. Yipee! I took my time keying my desired amount ($$$) and patiently held my palm out to grab the cash. One.Two. Three. Or were there more ticking seconds before I landed my eye on the machine's monitor that read: "This machine cannot dispense cash." Hahaha from my nose. I felt my back stiffen and my shoulder slump. My heart shrieked *&^%$#@!

Life's Joke #2:

Because I am a positive woman, I went straight to the other ATM just fifty steps away (Did I count? You bet!). Wishful is an understatement. I have both hope and fear in my heart. "Please, please, please make my transaction successful" echoed with my feeble steps. I queued. When it was my turn, I blew into my card in case I get lucky. I fed my card, the machine threw up instantly. I tried again. Same lifeless response. The monitor was shouting at me: "I'm sorry. The machine can't read your card." Thanks machine. I really feel so sorry for myself.

*****

Despite feeling sorry for myself though, my hopes are still high that I would soon milk out money from a few sources. Brother, brother, where art thou? So to offset the irkness that's pretty much showing in my face no matter how I tell myself I am still okay, I talked to people online who exchanged instant messages with me graciously. One remarked that I may just be experiencing a 'quarter life crisis.' And boy, am I not alone! Another one thought he might be going through that stage too. I'm human! Woohoo! There's no sense to alienate myself. Wooohoo!

So here's my response to my life's jokes -- throw a joke. Laugh, if you may.

My Joke #1:

I was in the middle of a chat with AA and work (I am so multi-tasking) when Mark (my officemate) popped a question at me:

Mark: Tin, what comes to your mind when you say 'consensus'?

Tin: Uhmm, the majority agrees about a thing. No, there's an agreement, collectively.

Mark: What about 'conflict'?

Tin: Dispute. Disagreement.

Mark: What happens when you combine both?

Tin: Uhmmm, (I took my time) you have a Senate???

Lala was roaring with laughter in the background and Mark could not keep his shoulders from shaking. I was busy chatting.

My Joke #2:

Lala was sharing her motherhood pleasures about Lady (or Ice) being capable of turning herself over at 3 months! I mean, rolling over. And that she can untangle her mittens! Brilliant. I asked which mitten does Lady (or Ice) remove first. Lala said the one in her right hand. And I exclaimed, 'Oh! She's left-hundred!' Lala corrected me in between her laughs, 'Left-handed!'

Argh! I'm thinking of cash again.

Yes! Girl

Yes Man is seen on the screen at the time being. Jim Carrey has to be taught something about being optimistic. Like him, I ought to be taught like that too. I started with a declaration relative to that at the dawn of 2009 that says, "Because I care, I am a responsible and an optimistic woman." In passive or active voice, I just have to remind myself that I AM RESPONSIBLE AND OPTIMISTIC. Until today. 2/3 of my expected participants did not appear for my highly-anticipated first training of the year due to various reasons. I know I should be responsible for their absence. I did do my job in calling them up and reminding them then and again about today's schedule. I am responsible and I guess they're not. I wanted to say I was just kidding in assuming that but there's something inside me that I guessed just right. And what is there to be optimistic about this? Their absence means my weakness, my failure. Lala said, it maybe a sign for some improvement, some more effort. (Yeah right, Lala.) I say it's a sign I should submit my resignation. Waaaaahhhh!!! But then again, I thought of how I started my day today. I woke up really in the mood for some positive actions. The positivity might have radiated outwardly enough to catch a jogger's attention on my way to the rail when he uttered inches from my ears, "Good morning, Miss." with a smile. Or is he just a maniac? And did I greet the guard at the lobby with much vibrancy that he returned me a salute? I was raring to pursue with this training that I think I lifted 5 liters of water contained in that boiler to heat. I took pleasure in feeling the rays of the rising sun streaking through the computer laboratory. Aaahhh!!! I even imagined absorbing positive energies. It continued to seeing a new friend online this morning and a chance to chat with him briefly but meaningfully (huh?!). It was a lovely day in the beginning. Then, why oh why did it turn out to be like this? Is it me or just the way I react to how things behave before me? Rannie said it may be 'Monday morning sickness'. Argh! Yeah, it's just me AND the way I react to how things transpire before me, I surmise. My pessimistic attitude is slithering back, I'm afraid. But hey, just before I find my sloppy mind elsewhere scattered, some good friends' efforts are trying to keep it intact. When I can't remind myself to remain composed and chill out, they did it for me. Shit happens, so they say. So Yes! I'm wiping the shit away. (I'm playing Monty Python's "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" again. Does this bring me luck? Ooops, think positive!)

Quick Blog

I have exactly 5 remaining minutes to post this entry. Wow! Call that spontaneous. I don't know what to write, what to put. It doesn't matter to me now if I put here nonsense, or my construction is grammatically wrong. I just felt this urge to post something under such circumstance - pressured! Woohoo! I feel like running doing this. Haha! Okay, 4 minutes more. The timer is creeping! Somebody is talking to me and I could only say "uhum," unsure whether it's timely to say that while he still speaks. I am not sure if my "uhum" is agreeing or dismissing. I can't grab everything he is saying. I really don't care. So there. I wish everybody a happy weekend. Oh, yeah! I feel this way because I'm going home once again. Pangasinan gives me the adrenalin rush! Hahaha. So long! One minute for shutdown. Haha!

Thrills and Chills

January 6, 2008. Thrills: 1. The Arrival. 'He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is so back!' shouted my YM status. Three (3, yes!) persons ringed me to bring me the good news. And some rueful declarations too that my news bearers were kissed by him and I, well, was to wait for some miracles to experience just that. My Most Desirable Guy has arrived. Welcome back! 2. The Visit. 30-minutes-before-5:00 pm was the most magical period that ever occurred to me at EITSC. He came in the office discreetly. I was not surprised at all to see him (thanks for the warnings from J., A., and M.). But if I were imagining things, I thought I saw him glowing while he sauntered to the "off limits" area of the office. It must be his smile -- a beacon to a frustrated soul named Tintin. 3. The Kiss. He held out his arms. I was not really sure if he was gesturing me to hug him, but I did stood and advanced toward him anyway to greet him. Then, quickly and simply, he moved his head to kiss my very lucky right cheek. I hope the kiss did not leave any embarrassing mark of fascinating scarlet all over my face because I felt hot. Not that I did not like it. I was swept away in fact, and was casted a freezing spell soon after! I was nailed in place for several seconds. And if my gestures may have not put me in great shame, I think my words did. I damned myself when I uttered, "That was nice." I claim no certainty what the statement was for. Maybe because he IS a nice guy, it was a nice kiss, or it was nice to see him again or all of these. 4. The News. Sad but not bad. He's moving in the Philippines and will live with his girlfriend. Like he cares if I knew. Not my business. I could only be happy for him. Chills: 1. The Video. Life of Brian DVD. Shallow humor but it made my night right. 2. The Song. Always look on the brighter side of life. *whistle* Always look on the right side of life. *whistle* 3. The SMS. How easy will it be to unlove the person you love? Tell me.

Checkmate

For several minutes, the cursor stared back at me lazily. It’s as if it is reading my thoughts and calculating my next move, certain as its blinking that it would take me longer to think of an idea to write about. Not that I’m thoughtless. In fact, I have so many thoughts in mind that I do not know which to pick even at random. Just like the cursor, I may be feeling lazy at all. ‘Just anything under the sun,’ I say to myself. But ‘just anything’ is as sensible as the phrase’s permutation. You do the math. I could go on and on discussing how my two-week long vacation has gone so far. I could only remember warming up at home for almost 24 hours just twice. So if I was not home, I was out for the caroling, attending dawn mass, singing at weddings of who-knows whose, visiting relatives and friends, drinking and bonding with the members of the OLLYM, or just re-reading my Christmas Mystery book. After the longest time (more than two years) of not doing these things on my own, I feel like everything is just natural and effortless. I am sure there are countless changes on how things were two years back. Not counting the changes I saw within myself. But my adaptation was merely easy. I fit in like the last missing piece of a puzzle now that I’m back home, back to church service, back to seeing my friends and loved ones, and back to welcoming new friends too. So what am I to write about? It feels right and unright at the same time -- having to think idly of something but ending up writing nonsense. At least, that's what I think. Ahhh!!! I was busy most of the times, I tried to keep myself busy and I somehow feel successful and productive. I went with the flow, so to speak. Now that I'm starting my year anew, how to? I try to think really hard. Plan out. Strategize. But is it really necessary? One strong move to start and before you realize, another year has gone by. But what am I saying? I entrust everything to the Lord now. So often, He lets me win with my heart's delight. Sometimes, I think He allows me to feel how to lose to gain a victorious heart. If you know what I mean. And if I do things on my own like I can control things, I become discontented, frustrated, not winning nor losing. Dull. Stalemate.

Jupiter CAN Align with Venus

The sky is a happy mystery for me. It was that one Monday night of December (December 2, to be exact) when I gazed up and saw three outstanding bright objects staring back at me. I was certain the moon was the lowest object in a crescent shape; the two others I simply considered unusually bright stars. They all form one noticeable figure: a smiling face. Something, somewhere up there must be playing with magic to bring these three objects together. It made me smile back to the heavens. Just as when I was wishing someone could share my skygazing moment, there it appeared on TV the newsflash informing its televiewers about the amazing formation and how it came to be. The two objects up above the moon, which I mistook as unusually bright stars, were Jupiter and Venus. There occured a conjunction, or simply put, an alignment of the planets! Spare me the trouble of explaining science like this. It gives me the creeps. Wonder why I discuss the alignment of Jupiter and Venus here? I drew a meaningful analogy of the phenomenon with how difficult it is for the male species to understand (or empathize?) with their counterpart: the great, indispensable bunch of Eves -- us females. Put it this way: Jupiter will represent the good ol' boys, and Venus will represent beauty and love which pertains to, needless to say, girls. And now the analogy: it does not happen so often that Jupiter aligns with Venus in the same way that the dogs, I mean, the guys do not often (or not at all) understand us girls. Well, well. Girls will always be girls in the same way that boys will be boys. But I would like to share with you something I copied from my Friendster bulletin. I could not state its original source anymore. I believe it has been reposted so many times until the author's name was buried under. It made me smile again. This is a serious attempt to understand female mannerisms. I give it a two-thumbs-up approval! Consider this guys. Then maybe -- just maybe, you will regard it as the most innovative solution to understanding the , what was that again, oh - bitch.

When a girl walks away from you - [Follow her] When she stares at your lips - [Kiss her] When she pushes you or hits you - [Grab her and don’t let go] When she starts cursing at you - [Kiss her and tell her you love her] When she's quiet - [Ask her what’s wrong] When she ignores you - [Give her your attention] When she pulls away - [Pull her back] When you see her at her worst - [Tell her she's beautiful] When you see her start crying - [Just hold her and don’t say a word] When you see her walking - [Sneak up and hug her waist from behind] When she's scared - [Protect her] When she lays her head on your shoulder - [Tilt her head up and kiss her] When she steals your favorite hat - [Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night] When she teases you - [Tease her back and make her laugh] When she doesn’t answer for a long time - [reassure her that everything is okay] When she looks at you with doubt - [Back yourself up with the TRUTH] When she say's that she likes you - [she really does more than you could understand] When she grabs at your hands - [Hold hers and play with her fingers] When she bumps into you - [bump into her back and make her laugh] When she tells you a secret - [keep it safe and untold] When she looks at you in your eyes - [don’t look away until she does] WHEN SHE MISSES YOU - [SHES HURTING INSIDE] When you break her heart - [the pain NEVER really goes away] When she says its over - [she STILL wants you to be hers] - Stay on the phone with her even if she’s not saying anything - DON'T let her have the last word - NEVER call her hot! Pretty and beautiful is sooooo much better - Say you love her more than she could ever love you - Argue that she is the best girl ever - When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go - When she says she's ok, don’t believe it, talk to her - When she says she's sorry, she truly means it - Because 10 yrs later she'll remember you - Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her - Call her before you sleep and after you wake up - Treat her like she's all that matters to you - Tease her and let her tease you back - Stay up all night with her when she's sick - Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid - Give her the world - Let her wear your clothes - When she's bored and sad, hang out with her - Let her know she's important - Kiss her in the pouring rain - When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is;"Who's ass am I kicking today baby?"

Sweet compilation. Sweet, but girls can't have them all. Impossible. Hahaha.

Defying Normz

Just thinking about how I would entitle my blog entry makes me snigger. And I could imagine the person who is the very core reason why I am writing this making a face now. If he could still manage to smile, that would be an indication of defeat -- like he can still do something to avert my decisive writing. Lawsuit? Hah! Hopeless. You need not worry at all. I mean no harm. Exploitation of another person's character is not my kind of game. Relax. There's more to the experience of reading this than your precursory restlessness.

*****

Five years back, I came upon a thin and tan teenager. Good-natured at first sight and coy like a puppy most of the time. I was freshly out of college and career was far from my mind then. It was summer! I was having a terrific time mingling with my fellow youth, and yes, kids I would consider my little brothers, should they permit. Norman Paul, or Normz -- for the sake of sounding hip maybe, was one of these select kids around I instantly grew fond of. And like I have a choice, he was part of the group I came to share with my frustrations and negativities about my life. He was one of the few I get to shed a tear and blow my nose with, all heart out and no pretense. I was glad to have known him too then -- a minor seminarian on the loose. But he was more to me (as his other peers appeared to be) like someone kidnapped and dragged to the camp; only that the kidnappers realized too late he was not someone ransom-able so they left them there. Poor kids. Amazingly and gratefully, the acquaintance did not end at the Surip camp. Barely a month after, I crossed paths with him (and the others too) again at another camp. And even if there was an extra baggage to our meeting the first time and the next (I meant his brother), the joy of seeing him every time was like seeing women eager to share gossips. No, he is not a gossiper. But I could be at ease around him. Be myself, so to speak. With his presence, jumping like a kid was never too hard when I get thrilled. It gets more thrilling. (Hahaha.) Most of all, the best thing about establishing my friendship with him (and all the others) is the opportunity to be an 'ate' to him (them). A dream come true.

I think to this point that playing the role of a [surrogate] 'ate' to Normz (and all the others) is all-perks to me. Even if it means having to disagree with his point of views most of the time. It doesn't really matter. It helps to have someone I think has marred perspective about certain things -- like love (ulk, I'm throwing up), and who thinks similarly that I have clouded principles too. And that makes us both, hmmm, stupid. We can only laugh at ourselves.

He maybe an epitome of the typical seminarian these days: prayerful, still good-natured, cool, calm and collected. (Let me add a note to that: with Father Rector and the pack of priests around.) But just like a typical seminarian, and a natural human (half moon, half man?) not withstanding, he has his adventures too. Need I mention them? I don't think so. Just by the thought of doing that paints a hilarious picture of Normz' fuming ears. I have more than one of defying ways than writing about him like this.

Still with a snigger, I would close this entry grateful that no matter the distance, no matter the conflicting standpoints, I would keep you as a brother Normz. I heart you much Bebi Bro (and so to the others too)!

Mav-elous Christmas Shopping

It's not everyday that you can tag an old friend to go shopping with you -- especially with me, a very picky, meticulous and often return-this-to-the-rack type of consumer. Blame that to the natural insatiable wants of consumers, a fact normally stressed in my Economics class. I've lived with that fact, much to the making of myself as a difficult (or irrate when I'm in the mood) customer. And gahd, cashiers I've dealt with may want to attend stress management classes more than a seminar on managing dissatisfaction and conflict! Hehehe. I'm not really that bad. I was just kidding. But the minute I uttered a word of dissatisfaction, my brother, for example, would ease his way far from me, as if telling anyone who has seen him with me "No, I'm not with that freak." It's an exercise of my consumer rights (as if I know that by heart)! But hey, I could be aware sometimes (goodluck with the frequency) of going overboard at the counter, and still could manage to smile with my ears fuming and my left brow raised. Patience is (and will stay) a virtue. Enough with my crappy consumption-driven life. I'm seeing my former colleague after office! I'm talking about Mav (variable: Mab - to help the stubborn Starbucks personnel deliver her coffee to the right person), whose friendship with me is beyond her resignation from EITSC. Inspite of her enjoying a life of IAR like my MDG, she still manages to send me SMS, email me spam mails (or is it me?) and drop by the office to catch up with the old times over a cup of coffee and a slice of cake (I can see a repeat here.) But the catching up doesn't end there! She said yes to my invite for a precedented walk-till-you-drop kind of shopping, without second thoughts. My heart is ecstatic! Woohooo!!!

To Mav, super thanks for not giving me a difficult time to persuade you into this. Drama! But for reals, thinking of buying at least 36 presents for my 36 (listed) godkids would be easier with you I guess. If we don't end up buying something for them, at least this is the chance I'd love to spend with you! I could not let the opportunity pass without juicing out something from you! Next to my shopping agenda with you is hearing you share about your boom-de-ya-da stories. Hahaha. Spread the love! Let's tackle and tickle! By the way, I'm wearing our twin costume. It is not part of my plan but I'm happy I did. See you later!

Sugar High!

I have had too much sugar today so I am sweet all over. Eat me! Hahahah. Thanks to Lala's post-birthday treat, I had my slice of her mischievous Chocolate Marjolaine with Coke 500 after a plateful (of 2-cupped rice and meat-veggie combo) lunch! A carbo-filled and sugar-y one-hour lunchbreak made me feel like I could last the rest of the day jumping on a trampoline with so much energy! Lala, my colleague and a newbie mom, just returned to the office after her maternity leave. She's actually entitled to a longer leave but being the exemplary employee that she is, she reported to work today -- a month earlier than expected, to complete the financial books before the year ends. Hooray!!! I would not want to miss out the applause Lala deserves, and for various reasons not limited to: 1.) The birth of her lovely daughter, Lazir Denice. I remember having to be heavily involved of thinking which name she would give her daughter. And thanks for considering my suggestions Lala. (Hahaha from my nose.) I felt incredibly helpful when you decided to just pass on to your daughter your name plus the feminine variable of your husband's name. Huwaw! Did I ever mention you are a creative couple? I hope I did not. :p 2.) Her birthday last December 5. I even SMSed her to remind her to treat us to lunch. And her reply was like gospel to my eyes when it read: "Automatic yun." 3.) Her comeback. Welcome back! I enjoyed listening to your lovely tales about Lady (the daughter, I thought of that nickname!) and still-tolerable ranting (define "in-laws" please.). Your presence just brings a different kind of light in EITSC. 4.) Her efficiency in preparing the payroll. Kudos! Kudos! You deserve a present -- I'll convert that to hugs and kisses -- from me for free! Yuhoo!

Thank you, La! I missed you this much!

*****

And while I thought I already had enough dose of sugar, MDG (my beloved) pinged me a message to comment (yet again) about my Skype status. He is simply SWEET just doing that! My sugar level is creeping up! Argh, I don't even think insulin can help with the likes of him!

Ooops, no, there's only one him like there's only one me. One sweet him, and one crazy me. Nothing in common -- picture a mathematical equation with a slashed equal sign in between. Now I'm bleeding. :( I'm having complications, I could surmise. Someone please blow my crazy ideas away!

Anyhow, MDG -- You. Made. My. Day!

****

My church bestfriend slash cousin is in town! Hmm, it would be another fun night for sure. I'm craving for fish so I'm planning to bring Mac anywhere with fish in the menu. :)

I would have to do away with the sweets after dinner. Besides, I'm bringing MDG's sweet messages to bed tonight for dessert. Hay. I feel so dreamy. Flying kisses!

Most Desirable Guy: Only A Fantasy

I was asked a phone-in question by Anna this morning (10:53 AM to be exact) on how I feel about MDG’s ‘in a relationship’ (IAR) status in Facebook. Fumbling for my thoughtful answer was not really difficult, with Anna being the third person (count in Dom and Ga there) to break the news to me and ask me the same question. I lose the heart to open my own FB account – that would be adding insult to the injury or worse, self-persecution. Of course I feel sad! That’s even an understatement. If there’s an opposite of the cartwheel bliss I’m feeling whenever MDG pops me an instant message, then the IAR news made me feel like I want to be suspended in the air upside-down till I struggle for my hopeless life. Hmm, exaggerated but it did hurt a bit. Just a bit because in the first place, I already eliminated the kiddie ‘hopeful’ feeling like there’s such a person as Santa Claus on Christmas time. That kind of fantasy. And then Anna’s consoling words hit me like fire -- leaving me with a warm and prickly sensation at the same time. I felt warm because her words gave me a flickering hope! But the spiteful truth remains: MDG is IAR already. Anna said that I need not worry about MDG’s IAR status because sometimes things just don’t turn out right. She even added, ‘Who knows? Girlfriend lang naman.’ Haha! Give the guy a chance! He only started his relationship with his girlfriend. And I envy her, an awful lot of envy. But thanks Anna. That was sweet, nevertheless. And if there’s one thing I should prepare for his return this Christmas, I would start with facing him and talking to him properly. That is, if he talks to me at all. I need all the luck I could summon! Oy vey!!! Merry Christmas to me. MDG must be feeling so lucky and happy.

Greetings Galore!

Yipeee! Just so you know, today is my 26th birthday. Yes, some may mistake that age as a pressuring figure but hah, I am still young! I specifically provided this space of my blog for those people, who -- by Friendster's constant reminders, by their incontestable thoughtfulness, by a touch of another coincidental and more significant event in their lives, by obligation or just by gossip -- remembered my special day. (Believe me guys, Friendster is effective! I tried changing my birthdate last year and I received less greetings last year than now. It was funny how people miss out my birthday because Friendster was not able to remind them correctly. Haha!) Okay. So for a start, I wish to list those people who greeted me early on through phonecalls, SMS, instant messaging, personal greetings... and then say my precious thanks beside their well-wishes (like I can avoid the side comments, huh?!). 1. Isang Maligayang Kaarawan (by Queza thru Friendster. 11/21/2008. 1:56 am) Marqueza is a friend from Digos in Davao City. She now resides in the USA with her hubby and the couple is expecting a baby soon! At 1:56 am, I don't think it's a good idea for a mom-to-be to stay awake that late. But she did. Only to greet me. Gesh. And to add to the insult, so they say, here's an additional message she sent me thru SMS when I said my thanks: Ur welcome! Mabuti na ung mas maaga me. Hehehe. Para na din ako nauna naggrit sau. Ingatz! Stay fabulous as ever... (by Queza thru YM-SMS. 11/25/2008. 5:47 am) 2. Happy Birthday Buddy (by Ances thru Friendster. 11/21/2008. 4:52 pm) Ances is a charming lass I met thru my highschool friend Melanie. She has a warm pair of eyes. I could not understand how Melanie can be so mean to her (she admits it anyway) but I'm glad we remained friends! 3. God bless you always with beauty, joy and sunshine. God bless you always with very good thing. God bless you with His special love. Happy Birthday Tita! Wishing you more birthdays to come, good health. Take care always and goodluck on your job and lovelife.. =) God will always bless you with more blessings.. (by Zyra Loise thru Friendster. 11/25/2008. 6:14 pm) That's from my niece. Thanks Zyra. I can see you smiling when you wished me goodluck -- like I really need that now more than ever. Clever you. 4. Happy Birthday (by Yolanda thru Friendster. 11/26/2008. 10:35 am) Straight from Canada. She must have really exerted effort leaving me that message because she is always busy watching teleseryes after a day's work. Wow! Thanks Yolly! Really. 5. Happy Happy Birthday Tin! Wish u all the best and goodluck in all your dreams in life. Have a blessed birthday! (by Edelyne thru Friendster. 11/26/2008. 12:25 pm) I was one of her bridesmaids, if I remember that right. Really sweet of her to drop by my FS account and post the her greetings. 6. Happy birthday din poh... Thanks poh sa pag-greet. God bless :) (by Precious thru Friendster. 11/26/2008. 9:28 pm) I really have no idea who she is but thanks anyway, Precious. 7. A Happy-Happy Birthday to you my Friend..I Pray for you to Have More and I do mean More Birthdays to come and that goes with Lots of Blessings in Everything and of course in Love...Live Life and Love to the Fullest... Why? Our Birthdays says it all... We've always been Loved Even Before our Very First Birthday...God Bless You More... (by Rene aka Rainman thru Friendster. 11/27/2008. 1:59 am) Rene? Did I say 'astig'? Partially visually-impaired and one of the great guys I met from ATRIEV, a computer school for the blind. He can teach! Teaching makes me bow. Thanks Rene! 8. happy b-day....gift ko ?hehehe musta nalang po jan..take care (by Ryan Vir thru Friendster. 11/27/2008. 3:37 am) Oh. Ryan. Yes, thank you for remembering too. He celebrates his birthdate before mine so I would not forgive him if he forgets my birthdate. And whoever your friend is who read my blog and misunderstood what I meant about what we became to be, please tell him/her to leave his/her comments instead. I'd be very glad to explain. :) 9. hi ms. tin :)HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!may all your wishes be granted. stay nice and bubbly. take care always and God bless :) (by Kathrine thru Friendster. 11/27/2008. 8:42 am) 8:42 am??? So could you explain to me why your boss keeps pestering you? You do Friendster during work hours!? Guess that's a bad habit you learn from me. Hahaha. Kathrine, prettylicious. My former student. (To be continued...)

What My Blog Does

If my blog inspires, I would write more like I would inspire myself. (For Patrick) If my blog entertains, I would try my best to write like I am incessantly talking. (For Jhia) If my blog opens doors to my personal being, I would selflessly unfold new things about myself, gladly discover them with you. (For Adonis) If my blog tells you how I have been, I would strive to be truthful, like you're seeing me through a glass. (For Mav) If my blog is keen on what people share, I would thirst for more and share it as well. (For Rannie) If my blog confuses your views, I would not stop you from thinking you are right. (For those who cannot comprehend.)

Wish a Wish!

I will make this really short and easy. Just a breeze. Hahaha. A wishlist? Hmm, I never really thought so hard about it, but yes, it will do me no harm if I make one. Besides, I can see several of my wishes coming true even before I write them down. God is the most brilliant mindreader! And I'm loving how it works. Really, God, I know you never disappoint me. And when I thought you did, it ends up with me realizing I never really thought ahead for the purpose. Peace tayo, God. :) So then again, the wishlist! Hmm, for my approaching birth anniversary, I wish to have any (or all -- am I so greedy?) of the following: 1. Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert 2. Diary of a Wimpy Kid by Jeff Kinney 3. Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer (I included this in my Christmas Wishlist for the ECCP Christmas Party!) 4. The Christmas Mystery by Jostein Gaarder (Junlee granted this wish! A numerous thanks!!!) 5. Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer I think 5 in the list is enough. Weeeeh!!!

*****

Just as I have made it easy for myself to enlist the things I want for my birthday, I don't want to miss this chance to say thank you, thank you for the overwhelmingly simple (makes sense to me) gestures that my friends have done to me:

1. For Junlee's express-and-without-second-thoughts purchasing of The Christmas Mystery book I just mentioned over YM as a birthday present. That's selfless. :)
2. For Junlee's friend, Taggy, for bringing the book here in the Philippines and for unhesitantly meeting up with me, a barely known lunatic (hahaha). Thanks too for offering me 'just something' from McDo. I'm sorry I have to decline the offer. Not really out of reservation (you really don't know me if you think that was the reason), but moreso because there's more food waiting for me in Dampa i have to save the space in my stomach for that.
3. For Mac's consoling words that I cannot absorb mostly. Blame my stubborness. Why does it seem easy for you to make me cry my heart out? Hahaha. Must be that peak level of friendship. I did feel my eyes dried up after that talk that I thought I can sleep with eyes open. I would not suggest talking to you again at night before bed time. It was not a pretty good idea.
4. For Juan's 4 Santan flowers (not the cluster). I kept them pressed in my wallet with the other (seemingly) insignificant (but unique) inanimate objects the others gave me: a seashell and a cotton piece. That was swee-et. I really wish I have a younger brother like him and my other babies. :)
5. For Ate Vilma and Jermine's attentive ears. They were really into my tales that I could not forget how their faces looked like when I told them something that night of revelation. They were awed. Hahaha. The truth kept them awake for the next several minutes, still awed. But at least, the questioning subsided. Am I a mysterious girl, ladies? Hahaha. You know the answer. Note: I am not gay.

I never wished for things like these, but the simple gestures made them more meaningful than the wishes I wish and expect.

My Kind of Halloween

October 31 I found myself comfortably lying on my bed, with my newly purchased book atop my face, after what seemed to be a 7-hour processional from Manila to Pangasinan. Tell you what, I never hit my target of getting home early despite my haste efforts to disappear from the office premises the moment the clock chimed 12:00 noon. It was a disappointment - my long, inconvenient trip. I was grateful, nevertheless, to reach HOME again. Ah! I always knew home is where the heart is but somehow, I managed to inflict a masochistic case of amnesia on myself some time ago when I thought I already knew where my heart was. I was damn, terribly wrong. Hahaha! I am now making amends. It's the time of the year again when various scary ghost stories resurface like they were especially reserved to be told only now -- just for the thrill of it. And for some reasons, these scary ghost stories become vivid again and again during this time even if you heard of them more than twice before. It was like seeing the Titanic movie (guess how many times I saw it), only with the goosebumps. So I think it is never irrational to believe in ghosts as I do. Not during this time of the year when ghost believers like me come out of the closet like homosexuals at night. I have never seen a single ghost, and would not want to have the heart to come face-to-face with one -- because I don't think my heart would stay in place if I chance at one. Scary. The night is a pitch darker here in the province on a Friday night than in Manila (where my neighbors bore my eyes with lit CFL that could penetrate even the thickest of my curtains all night long). And did I hear the dogs growl? I glanced at the clock. Fifteen minutes past eleven. Hmm, not bad. I'm nearly cutting half the thickness of this book I'm engrossed reading. A while ago, somebody SMSed me and I responded very briefly to tell him I'm reading so if I may just text him the following morning. He did not seem to understand and asked impatiently what the book was. I declared the title: TWILIGHT. (I can see some eyes ogling. Hahaha!) He just said, "Hmp," and I think I interpreted it as "Fine." And I reclaimed my oh-so-precious time for reading. The book, yes. How timely. A night that is transitioning to midnight with growling dogs in the background and I, the crow in the fields that is easily scared away, am reading a novel on VAMPIRES. At one point it hit me, 'Am I reading this book in the right place at the right time?' Not that I was thinking any vampire would lurk in Brgy. Magtaking (Please, please don't make a vampire read my blog.), but yes, my brain did process the thought. The windows in my room are tightly closed, I'm certain. But vampires can penetrate walls, I theorized. It was a struggle having to opt to put the book down and retire or continue my close-to-climax reading and disregard time. Hours ago, I had this rare condition when my heart and mind agreed on one thing: start reading the book. And now it's fading away, it's breaking my heart (like the last time. Hahaha!). I can't get enough of the characters. I wanted to pursue reading but my mind is telling me I should take a rest -- like the 7-hour trip was not enough reason to. I gave up the desire of my heart and listened to my mind. It is, most of the time, right and beneficial. I clicked off the lights and hurried to my bed, forcibly closing my eyes. Two-folds: to encourage myself to sleep and avoid seeing unnecessary things at the foot of my bed. Nyay. No more vampire thoughts, I urged myself. I switched to pleasant thoughts like church service in the morning. That sedated me and lulled me to sleep. November 1 Ugh. I can hear the rooster's morning cry. I have always thought it has difficulty getting up in the morning too that it has to shriek like that. It must be hard being a rooster. But thanks to it, I was reminded to get up early without using my 'very reliable' phone. Humor me. I glanced at my phone. Whoa. It has its funny times. Reminder: Sarene's Birthday. Great. Only the sad fact that I was not reminded to get her number. So I blew my greetings out with my morning breath. Ewww. "Happy Birthday cutee Sarene. Stay, uhmm, a baby." In 30 minutes' time, I was up and ready to go. It is drizzling outside and I suddenly miss my book still beside my pillow. If it is made of magnet, I really don't know. But the next 10 minutes I was busy reading it again until my mother called out that I'm going to be late for the Mass if I didn't leave at once. I obliged, with the thought of having her responsible for raising a bookish daughter. I left home and made it just in time before the 2nd Mass. I was even able to sell candles and help in the enlisting of those requesting (was that the term?) for petition mass. I just hope they won't run short. Hahaha! My cashiering skill is levelling low with too many people asking for change, scissors, pen, paper, candles, and my name (?)! Regie came to rescue me when the Mass was about to start. I washed my hand quickly. After the Mass, we went straight to Salasa cemetery. I bought five white long candles with the Our Lady of Manaoag sticker. I lighted three for my grandfather, grandmother, and 2 uncles (there were four of them in three graves) and the other two I lighted for two other distant relatives. Hours or so of lingering in the cemetery made me realize two things: that I only get to visit the graves at this time of the year and I'm afraid my loved ones would do the same thing to me if I was gone. Sad. Really. So my prayer for my dead loved ones goes with an apology and a promise of some sort that I will try to visit their graves more than once if I could. (But of course I could.) In the afternoon, I did the same thing for my grandfather and uncle-in-law whose graves are in the Lingayen cemetery. I also dropped by Richard Valiant's and oh, how I so miss the guy. :( Come night, we had a drinking session at Boc's place. I don't drink. I just sing. So I had the microphone all by myself. Hahaha. November 2 Sunday service! Plus, Fr. Boc is blessing the November birthday celebrants so I want to count myself in. Who would not want to be blessed? I don't want to run late attending the Mass. Goal! Trick or treat is not our kind of thing so the Youth Ministry ates and kuyas gathered together with Fr. Boc for Round 2 of the same session last night. And there was singing too! I can't let the mic go! But Fr. Boc had a chance with it. And so did Regie, Mac, Joepearl (fun to duet with), Boc, and Johannes a.k.a. Juan (who by the way had the most number of thrilled fans). The drinking and singing meant so much to me but nothing beats the company they share with you even without words. Kampay is enough for an assuring gesture, I guess. I would want to do away with the tears for the night but I could not help myself. With them, it's okay to pour out my heart, something I missed the most! Even the spookiest experience I had in the past does not make them think less of me. Sometimes I think they know me better than I do with myself.

So we separated ways at around 11 p.m. I feel so grateful to have this kind of Halloween this year. No more fears. No more ghosts of the past. No more worrying of sickening people that seem to haunt me every now and then. There's more to my life than miserably saving my ass out of a nonsense (said Mac), non-existing pit I jumped into, a grave that never was there. I'm alive! And very much enjoying TWILIGHT! It's already 1 a.m. of November 3 and I'm not going back to Manila yet! (Hahahaha. Addicted!)

Surrender Means No Defeat

The white flag, almost dilapidated and mirroring what were to be called enduring times of an optimistic love, has been raised. He has finally given up on the woman with 'a heart of stone.' Unanswered letters, cold shoulders and bleak eyes -- whether long distance or face-to-face, no amount of these have disheartened this lad in believing that that love he once had he would someday soon recover. But that box of dark chocolates returned to his sister was enough sign for him to surrender. I saw it coming earlier, but did not have the brave spirit to warn him. And though what I saw coming was the same reason why we became really tight friends, my fear of seeing him hurt the way I did is just unbearable, I kept my silence. When he told me "It's over," it was no surprise. He surrendered but is definitely not defeated. Acceptance is the key. Immediately, he sounded like he was on his feet again -- ready to take on another battle. I would never know his gameplan, but I am happy with the way things turned out for my friend. Happy and also envious. I wish I coped up easily like him. But that's another story. A wedding for next year is not a bad idea. Neither is an invitation sent to a bridesmaid enclosed with a ticket to London, right? So maybe then I will see you and your bride.