Banged!

No, not the gunshot but that sudden, strange feeling that hits into you when you think you're all focused doing something. That unwelcomed feeling that would purposely get you off track the moment it strikes you. So bang. Bang! That company's number is flashing on and off my hushed phone. Picked it up, careful not to be vulgar about what the caller and I will be talking about (I'm in the office, crap.). "Hello, Ms. Beth." She said hello back. I was silent the whole time she was discussing the job offer over the phone. Uh-uh. I just can't say a thing about it when my boss is just behind me. With still my polite nerves intact, I told her I would just return her call or send her an email before lunch. I was seriously considering the job offer, but being one-man short in the current company I'm in, I decided not to grab it. Then Bang! I try to concentrate on my chores after that call but it haunts me like I could not finish a sentence in my email. And so it was, not a call or an email from me before or even after lunch. I know I was so bad! Another Bang! So we're OK now. We're talking. We're holding hands. We're kissing, exchanging endearing words like before. But Bang! Not really. There it hit me. I would have to give him the time of his life to realize how much I love him so he could love me the same way before. I was determined to show him how I value this relationship we have right now. That even in adversity, I would stay. I would not give up. Just when I thought I was already decisive to do this, bang, I felt fear. That fear thumps in my heart still. But something larger than fear is telling me I should trust him. I know in my heart now that trust is the only shield I could bear to protect me from hurting, confusion, and several other bangs. Trust in the Lord and trust in the person I dearly love.