For Karen

Life is a joke, i would usually hear her say whenever we trace the familiar path leading to the church. It used to be her mantra during our prayer-afternoons after class in college. One of that afternoons, when i thought she would make a pivotal change of point of view about what to her is life, she cried hard. It was the first time I saw her cry. And then i thought maybe she realized life after all is not a joke. I was mistaken. In between tears, she would sob and shortly laugh and utter, ‘See, aren’t all these things a joke?’ I could only stare at her, stunned out of confusion or terror. For about a few seconds I thought she was going insane but she assured me she isn’t as if reading my mind. Then and there she shared that while we struggle in our present life, we could sit still and look back at the past. If our seemingly successful or unvictorious present life is a result of the steps we made back then, stop for a while and laugh. It was a healthy idea. Laugh at what brought us in our current situation. Laugh at our attempts, our cowardice, our accidents, our mistakes. Everything is but a joke. The events of our lives are jokes that are cast one by one. They have been laid out even before you could decipher where they lead you to. So carry on, go with the flow, laugh and live a healthy life! And oh, one of my life’s jokes is meeting Karen.

Basahan

Ang basahan mo, maaring damit na ng iba. Biruin mo, sa dami ba naman ng damit na minamanufacture sa mundo bawat taon, bawat season, o bawat nais lang maglabas ng trend ng mga fashion designers pati mga imitators, aba, ndi kaya matabunan na tayo ng damit? Pero bakit marami pa rin ang nakahubo at namamalikarot (thanks for the term sir Mon) sa ginaw dahil walang suot? Tsk, tsk, tsk. May garage sale malapit sa opisina. Hindi pinalagpas ng kasama ko ang pagkakataong ito. Tama nga naman, makakamura ka na, hindi pa kailangan pumila sa counter sa panahong gaya ngayon — Christmas rush. Hindi rin ako nakapagpigil. Sa simula’y patingin-tingin lang ako. Di nagtagal, nakikihalungkat na rin ako ng mga pwedeng bumagay at gamitin ko, but take note, way below the budget. Ukay-ukay ang mas mainam na tawag dun. Bingo! May nakita akong maong na jacket. Hindi na masama. Maganda. May nakuha din kasama ko, isang blouse na ‘cute’. Gusto ko rin sya at di na sya nag-atubiling bilhin. Regalo pala nya sa akin. Magkano? Two items for PhP120. WOOOOWWW!!! Hahaha. Isipin mo. Halos ipamigay na ng iba pero pinapatulan pa rin. Basahan na halos nila pero may presyo pa. Ang iba, hanggang hanga lang sa may bintana. Meron dyan walang saplot. Ang marami, basahan ang suot.

Tiyaga Lang

I remember my professor saying that to me in one of our chat conversations. And it hit me this much to write a blog about it because of my highschool bestfriend’s sentiment about not earning money as she desires. I could feel for her. She’s a wanna-be nurse, and a promising at that. We know nurses COULD earn a lot and i say they are one of the highly-regarded professionals in the developed countries. Unlike here in our country, we could only sympathize for them. No wonder many of them eyes the greener pastures. Our country has the cattle but no green grass to chew. Sigh. Going back to my friend’s sentiment, I guess her loved ones are just in a hurry to gain something from her. There’s much expectations from her. Pity to the likes of her. Pity to me too. It is not easy to be rich (with pretty good excuse from the noveu riche). It’s just much-added pressure to someone like her — someone striving and surviving. So how do we resolve things? Please, dear loved ones, TIYAGA LANG. Whew! Didn’t imagine a plain, single advice could be very useful. So you see, TIYAGA LANG addresses the prob. But I would feel even better if we keep this in mind (quoting my brother): "Work smarter, not harder."

Who Wants A Scrub?

Whose song was that with these lyrics: "I don't want no scrub..."? Oh yeah, TLC. This song surely contains this feeling i so want to burst out! What is a scrub anyway? "A scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me... And a scrub is checkin' me but his game is kinda weak.. And I know he can't approach me cause I"m looking like class and he's looking like trash..." (No Scrub by TLC) Sigh. I feel a little sulking over what i just realized. It was a total waste of time. I have spoiled hankies and tissue rolls for a nonstop pour of sorrowful tears. I consumed glasses of rich choco sundae and crispy fries and a plateful of pansit miko-bihon as immediate relievers for insanely thinking about my depressed state of being a wrenched quasi-dumpee! This is the classic case of a frustrated lover... almost there but not really. That scrub, the culprit. Oh well, since i've wasted so much time thinking of loving him (wow, i almost made him rich), enough with this. I don't want no scrub. And i definitely doesn't want that bloating couch potato! (Ahaha... i still sounded bitter.) =(

I Am A Weakling

"Owkie...te,kala ko b palaban kyo?ano b yan?bt prang lupoy n kyo!" - Bebi Norman, (3/29/2005 9:30:44 AM) I am a weakling when love strikes. The thief has come. It ransacked all of me when it decided to leave the night i discovered the intrusion. It was unexpected. Will i be able to regain the strength? Where had love placed all of me? Will i be forever seeking for me? Dear source of Love, provide me with the shield i so need when the thief would return. Let not this stupid mistake bring me down. I am a weakling yet to be a love heroine. We'll see...

IMPOSSIBLE LOVE

When I fell for you, I walked on the waters. I crossed the fires. I captured the wind. I ate the earth. I sang without the tune. I saw nothing. I heard silence. I smiled in sorrows. You fell for me. (sgd.) TINAO 03/23/05

Magical Dusts

There has not been any progress after several attempts of forgetting him. He haunts me still. Every Nissan Patrol would still give me that strange heartbeat and goosebumps.

Wherever he is, I hope he doesn't know. I hope he doesn't even realize that he sprinkled magic dusts on my mind and heart and the spell is still in effect.

Maria in Me

A few more leaves and im done with Coelho's Eleven Minutes. It was due to be returned today and so i asked my cousin to renew the date of return at the UST Library. She reminded me that UST Library books must be in on or before March 2. Yeah, i said. There was Maria in the book. To be fair, Coelho artistically described the agony of Maria's life. I felt like i was the character, a bit exagerrated though because i'm not a prostitute. In more ways than one, Maria, much like desperate to find her one true love, is ME. And did I say ME? Yes, pretty true - desperate to find my one true love. Where must he be? Is he someone i know? Or someone i still have to know? Or, is there someone??? Maria braved the storms in her life, putting the strong woman facade for everyone to see including her family in the backlands. And as i look at myself, im never too far-comparing with her struggles. Maria touched my soul. As i finally end reading the book, i know that Maria will live on as she taught me lessons of climbing to the cliff and see the vastness beyond and then stepping down again to share how the climb was.

Love is Saying 'Hello'

"Hello Tin, sasama ka ba sa Batulao...?" That was Noni asking me over our mobile conversation while I was on my ride with Miss Chit to InterCon Hotel where he is waiting. I answered, "OO..." A bit shy. Whew! I felt my heart beat a little faster than normal when we hung up our phones. Im seeing him in minutes and I was so excited then. Every tickling second is a bombshell. I fear that I might notbe able to behave well... but hey, that's Noni i'm seeing... the bachelor! Awww... so i started thinking he is the IMPOSSIBLE LOVE, the dreamboy! And it helped a lot. But God, Love is saying hello at me. I dont know what to say back. Please help. Here are photos taken at the Chateau Royale in Batulao. There were 3 of us -- Ms. Chit, Noni and I. Enjoy!

L to R: Me, Noni and Miss Chit. Standing right behind her is the cute waiter. :)

The function hall. Noni said this would be a great wedding venue. Yeah! I think so too!

The theater house.

Team building grounds behind us. With a paintball field!

Water everywhere! Poolside.

Orchidarium.

Care to wallclimb? Noni in white. He is just so cute!

The floating restaurant behind us.

A little closer.

Ice Cream Sandwich

Food has been very friendly with me lately... yumyum! What does one do with Gardenia bread and a can of Very Rocky Road or Double Dutch on the table? No more apprehensions...catch me scooping the cold delight and slipping it between the loaves of Gardenia! Whew..i told you. Food gives me the very comfort i so need these days... Let's see if I can live to this still after a few weeks.

Last Chance

I've been told this and again: GOD WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS. True. One could never comprehend how immense the hands of God can work in your life. I would never believe it until God is actually bringing me into realizing it is really happening! I have always been dreaming of spending one good time with the GUY i learned to love only from a distance. And then for a moment, i was with him, in the flesh! I would only utter in my mind my tantra, "Good Lord, thanks, thank you so much!!!!" each passing time that i was with him. He was so kind, extending his self to me. And how could i ever forget this? I've etched his facial features in my mind because i know this will be my last chance to be with him. His coy smile and his eyes looking away when i glance at him, they're just so wonderful! Sigh. But will this be the last chance? You have Your ways Lord, let them be.

First in the row

i thought it's high time i create my blogspot as what everyone is apparently doin... thanks for anya's addiction to this, i was inspired after being curious.

What MEN and LOVE are

I would like to quote myself... "MEN are like wastes. While you may recycle some, they always deserve to be DUMPED!" "MEN are like television commercials. They tend to exaggerate things but we (women) don't have to believe them." "I think MEN are God's welcomed mistake (sorry po). Maybe that was why He decided to create a WOMAN and stopped at that, sat back and realized..'She is my masterpiece!'" "REAL LOVE is impossible with humans but where there is a lack of it, God fits in and provides." So there. Not that i am a genderist... well, i really am and is proud to be... just because!

ANG TRAFFIC, ULAN AT IKAW

Pwede ko na sigurong iguhit ang mga mukha na kaharap ko. Bukod sa matagal ko nang natitigan ang bawat anggulo nila ay bilang na bilang din kasi ang kilos na ipinamamalas nila sa tagal ng pagkakaupo namin sa loob ng dyip na ito. Napabulalas na ng BWISIT sabay hagod sa batok ang katabi ko nang may lumapit na pulis sa tsuper. Hinihingan ng lisensya, bagay na lalo pang nagpatagal sa takbo ng byahe namin. Ang isa pa, nagkasya na lamang sa lambitin ng kamay na nagsilbing unan habang nahihimbing sa sandaling hindi pa napaparoon sa bababaan. Makailang tsk-tsk na ang ginang na mukhang hindi pa nakapagluluto ng ihahain sa hapag-kainan ng mag-anak. Himbing pa ang iba. Marahil ay batid nilang oras pa ang aabutin bago pa man din kami makausad at makalagpas sa tulay na ito. Ang trapik! Inaasahan kong pag-uwi ko ay bihis at deretso higa na ang gagawin ko. Hay. Nakakainip angtrapik. Nakakabugnot. Nakakabuwisit. Nakakapanggigil ng laman. Wala akong mahagilap na traffic enforcer sa daan. Madami-dami na ang naglalakad - mga taong kung hindi nabuwisit ay ayaw mabuwisit sa pagkakaipit sa trapik. Ako, yumukod upang sumambit ng munting dasal. Nais ko ng madali ang byahe ko pauwi at mayakap ng tuluyan ang napakalambot kong mga unan. Nais ko ng makapagpahinga sa aking TAHANAN. At habang tinatahak ko pa ang daan pauwi, ikaw ang napagsisino ko sa aking isipan. Nangingiti ako. Nagmumukha tuloy akong tanga habang umuukit muli ang sandaling kapiling KITA minsang ako'y pauwi rin. Sa lamig na dulot ng panahon noon (at gaya ngayon) - o hindi kaya ng aircon ng sasakyan? - malaking ginhawa na may halong kilig ang hawakan mo ng mahigpit ang aking mga kamay. Hindi ko mawari kung ano ang gagawin ko nang hagurin mo ang aking likod at tuluyang yakapin. Ang maimpis mong mga labi na walang pasubaling sa batok ko'y dumadampi, hindi ko maitatangging iyo'y natatangi. Sabi mo pa nga, "Sabihin mo kung hindi OK sa'yo, tatanggalin ko." Hangal akong magsasabing HINDI dahil matatamis ang mga sandaling iyon. Tumitigil ang mundo ko sa pag-inog sa tuwing pinupupog mo ng mumunti mong mga halik ang aking kaliwang palad. Gusto kong mawalan ng ulirat at magpakulong sa iyong mga bisig. Gusto kong manatili sa tabi mo. Ayoko ng lumipas ang sandaling ito. Nalalapit na ang aking pamamaalam. Sa pag-ibis ko, nais kong ipaalam na babaunin ko ang alaala ng karampot na sandaling pinagsaluhan natin sa sasakyan. Sa kabila ng pangambang nadarama ko dahil magkakalayo tayong muli, namumutawi pa rin ang ngiti sa aking labi. Ito ang ngiting tanda ng aking pasasalamat. Umaasa akong hindi ito ang huli. Patuloy akong mananabik sa muli nating pagkikita. Nais kong ikaw ang maging aking tahanang babalikan - ikaw na syang matiyagang maghihintay sa aking pagdating sa tuwing bumubuhos ang ulan at malamig ang panahon. Ano mang landas ang tahakin ko at matagalan man ang pag-usad ng byahe ko, wala akong pag-aalala dahil alam kong ikaw ang sadya ko. Ikaw lamang. Salamat at ipinadama mo ang kakaibang damdaming ito. Hanggang sa muli. "Ma, para! Pakitabi lang po!"

Falling! My First Base

Sunday... The last time i said it i'll never be falling in love again. It's a weakness. You fall and let the guy hurt you. Often, it would not be his fault but yours. But who am i kidding? Just this moment, i can see the sparkle back in my eyes again as i look in the mirror. My cousin has noticed i've been humming love songs i sworn wayback i would no longer think about, and i have been eager giving unsolicited advice to my friend who is too skeptical to accept the proposal from a guy he likes so much. Why all these? Because i'm falling in love AGAIN? Oh come on. AGAIN does not fit. In the first place, the experience i had was but a serious joke. So is this falling in love the first base? GIFFY. Gesh, I'm Falling For You. Right. I told him that and what i caught was a safe answer. Neither confirming or refusing if he would throw the feeling back. Somehow, it left me happy because at last he knew. But also sad because he made me hopeful for something i'm not certain i could grasp, ever. Whew. Good Lord, he's playing hard to get. And if things didn't run according to what i expect would, then maybe i'll try my next strike for the home run .......

Love.?...!,

Love.?...!, Love. A word so sacred yet often abused. Love? Can you spell it out for me? Love...it could have passed my way...or have not..or never... Love! Nonsense! Love, insofar as im concerned, has not been very favorable to me. Go get someone else to hit and break just what you did to me. =(

Tears for Tonight

Friday, January 30, 2004 im feeling a bit bitter still after everything. i have tried to drive you outta my head and quite ambitious to finally discard you in my life's storybook but i can't. how can i when i could associate you with almost everything that would strike my daily struggles at work, at home, in the television, etc.? it was very easy for you to say GOODBYE i did not have the time to bid back. but why do i feel this way? it's crazy. sigh. nice girls get hurt. i was hurt. i am still. but you don't care right? anyhow, i think i deserve this..because i allowed you to hurt me...and it will be too late to take it back. i'll just drown myself to tears tonight. i feel so sorry for myself. so sorry. sob.