End of June, Start of July

End of June (June 30, that is) I received an email from a colleague with the subject: "Fw: Snooky Serna in love? Hahahaha!" Not another scandalous behavior of celebrities like Snooky, I thought. But wait, the sender included a message saying 'Tin may kaagaw ka na...hehehe! ' and then capping it off with a link of a news article. Ok, so here it is too http://www.abs-cbnnews.com/storypage.aspx?StoryId=123448 . Who must she be referring to? I was intrigued. I checked on the link. Crap. It was Marc ( so I spelled his name right this time) the German! He was being linked to crung-crung (I am so judgemental) Snooky Serna. Hmp! Who cares?! (I can see my ears smoking now. Teehee.) Hindi ko na sya crush. Kasi mahirap ispell ang last name nya - Daubenbuechel. Hay. Turn off. :p Start of July (July 1, for crying out loud) Marc came to the office and I blurted out, "So Marc, you were in the news!" I saw his face flushed scarlet (and he was sooooo cute!!!). He said, "Yeah." I furthered, "So you're a celebrity now, huh?" And he said, "No. I just came to watch her movie. She's very pretty anyway." And he laughed like a kid infatuated with the likes of Pilar Pilapil (murder!). By the way, Marc came to the office to borrow a Nokia phone charger. I so wanna buy a Nokia phone asap. Ms. Ga said that it was my fault my phone is something else but Nokia. Suicide!!! Isn't it nice to have something to open up a conversation with Marc? Ay, di ko na pala sya crush. Well, if I don't remember his last name right, maybe there will be an excuse. End note: Where is Mav? Bakit hindi nag-oonline?

Bloopers At Work

A chat message for Mark (Rivera, not the German) one good afternoon when Sir Dom was in the mood to buy EITSC a half-gallon ice cream:

Tinao (6/4/2008 1:30:17 PM): ice cream for you in the panty Tinao (6/4/2008 1:30:20 PM): pantry Tinao (6/4/2008 1:30:29 PM): *pantry

It was a typographical error, ok? No offense meant. Ice cream in the panty? Ulk.

*****

While taking lunch with Mav ( I miss you!) and Lala and discussing some trivialities such as sports:

Tinao: Hindi ako marunong maglaro ng billboard eh.

Lala: Huh? Ano sabi mo? Ako din hindi.

Mav: (eyes blinking, skeptic whether she heard the right thing)

Sounds like naman, di ba?

*****

An email was circulated by moi to the ECCP secretariat regarding Ms. Ria's farewell party. I was enjoining everyone to be present in the party but my end note of my email said:

Attention is a must.

Very well said. Attendance and attention na lang sana nilagay ko. I was just preoccupied with so many things then. I sent an erratum afterwards. Hahaha.

Here I Come, Pangasinan

I am just so excited to return to Pangasinan! No, let me restate that. I am enormously thrilled that every single cell in my body is aching for bagoong. Fish sauce, guys, that brown thick sauce that smells yumyum to me (I just don't know with you) and not the tiny pink shrimps you call 'bagoong'. It's called alamang or agamang in our native tongue. Now, you know.

I miss home. Really. I miss those times when I do not have to hurry returning to Manila even when I do not necessarily have to. I miss my churchmates who would come up with an activity when I'm just there -- vigil, block rosary, carolling, YE seminar, outing, camping, lawn tennis (I just watch) or plainly hanging around the parish office to catch up with the old times (not that we're old though, we just have something to catch up with).

I miss eating with my Papa and Mama even when there is just the three of us. Thinking back, I really had not the chance to open up a conversation about what I was up to lately. Often, I would eat silently, careful not to spill a thing about an unofficial relationship to my Pop and spoil the meal. (Heheheh) I miss my cousins who I know have loads of tales to share to me but they hesitate to because I would rather dwell inside my room than mingle. For so long a time, I missed them a lot. I wasted a lot. There is no way I am going to let another opportunity pass to rekindle what I missed or lost. Uh-uh. Not this time. I'm going to have fun, fun, fun with them this weekend.

The hibernation is over. Tinao (and not McArthur) is returning!

*****

Itinerary for the weekend.

June 27, 6:00 pm Leave for Pangasinan

June 28, 9:00 am Wedding at St. Andrew's Parish, Bugallon (The Prayer na naman ba?)

June 28, 2:30 pm Wedding at Our Lady of Lourdes Parish, Salasa (Two Words by Lea Salonga ha?)

June 28, 4:00 pm Bonding with Bebi Normz (Naglalambing ang bata, miss na daw ang ate. Sige na.)

June 28, 7:00 pm Night Swimming daw sa Covelandia (Mga PYM members, paramdam kayo!)

June 29, 6:00 am First Mass (Kahit di sabihin ni Father Boc)

June 29, 8:00 am Second Mass

June 29, 11:00 am Visit old granny in Baay (Awwww... tagal ko na sya di nakikita!)

June 29, 2:00 pm Visit HS classmates in Lingayen (Theresa, Maricar, Leah pakihanda ang rolls of tissue paper)

June 29, 6:00 pm Dinner at home (Gusto ko po ng gulay)

June 30, 3:00 am Back to Makati City

Fun!

*****

Is this fun?

I love this shot of Gorio, Father Boc's assistant slash alaga. He must be so tired assisting Father in one of the services they came from that he contented himself with a break such as this. I'm sorry to catch you in this shape Gorio. Ate Tinao will print this for you as a souvenir. Hehehe.

When Asthma Attacks

A dose of Ventolin does not keep the doctor away, neither asthma and betrayal (oh, forget about it). Hindi na yata tumatalab ang gamot sa akin. Kulang na lang pati ang pinagbalatan ko ng tableta eh lunukin ko na rin matigil lang ang paghihingalo ko at pag-ubo. Burnt out na naman ako. Madalas kasi, sa asthma ko sinusukat yung stress level ko. Matagal-tagal na rin kasi na hindi ako sinusumpong ng asthma. Well, muntik na. Kung hindi pa nahulaan ni Ms. Ria na may asthma ako at maninigarilyo sana sya ng isang pakete (exag ako noh?) sa loob ng sasakyan nya (na nakabukas naman ang bintana) habang nakasakay ako sa kotse nya. Nitong huli, halu-halong dahilan ang nagtrigger sa pagsumpong ng asthma ko. Kumbaga sa cause of death, kumplikasyon. Andyan na yung pagod sa paglipat-lipat ng computer tables, sa pagpapakain at pag-aasikaso sa Pointwest trainees (ok lang, well-compensated naman with the likes of Thad), ang pag-uwi ng isang sakong Sinandomeng na bigas ko, ang paghihintay sa taxi nang pagkatagal-tagal, ang mausok na Gil Puyat Avenue, ang pagpapawis ng likod ko at ang pagkakatuyo rin nito sa likod ko, ang paninigarilyo ng Kuya ko, at ang desisyong mag-spend ng weekend sa QC (kasi ayon sa pinsan ko, mas polluted ang environment dun). Sayang, sinumpong pa talaga ako. Hindi ko tuloy naenjoy ang ulan sa maghapon. Hindi ko tuloy matagalan ang manood ng DVD dahil watery yung eyes ko. Hindi tuloy ako nakalabas at nakabili ng white long sleeves ko. Andami ko sana nagawa buong weekend pero tulog lang ang inatupag ko, nagbabakasakaling paggising ko, hindi na ako naghihingalo.

*****

Nagsimula ang lahat isang Byernes ng hapon noong high school ako. PE day ang Byernes sa LEC. Volleyball ang lesson (nakashorts pa ako nun ng black). Hindi pa natatapos ang game, nakaramdam na ako ng pagod. Ni hindi pa nga dumadapo yung bola sa mga kamay ko maliban sa tira ko o serve na 'di na rin naulit (bano!). Magaling kasi ako umiwas sa bola. Nakatayo lang ako sa court, patakbo-takbo, kunwa'y tatangkaing tamaan at ibalik sa kalaban ang bola pero aagawan lang ako ng kasama ko kahit na isigaw ko ang "Mine!" Nagpa-substitute na ako. Kinakapos na ako ng hininga. Pag-upo ko sa bangko (where I belong) eh parang umiikot na nang literal ang mundo ko. Mabilis. At parang kumikitid. Namumutla na pala ako. Abot-abot ang paghinga ko. Akala ko joke lang ang lahat. Seryoso pala na nangyayari yun. Pero nakasurvive ako. Buti na lang wala akong nakitang light at the end of the tunnel.

Kinahapunan nun, pagkatapos ng klase, sinundo ako ng Mama ko. (Sino kaya nagsumbong? Dyahe, sinusundo pa ako eh ok naman na ako.) Dumerecho kami sa Dagupan para mapacheck-up ako. Patpatin at gusgusin, kulang na lang talaga ilabel yung noo ko na "malnourished". Ang daming tanong. Kelan ako huling niregla? Regular ba? (First time ko maencounter yung mga ganitong tanong, promise) May history ba ng hypertension? Ng TB? At kung anu-ano pa. Lahat yun, Mama ko ang sumagot. (Sya ba ang maysakit?) Well, it boiled down into a thing: ASTHMA. Di ko alam paano nalaman ng duktor yun. Flinashlight nya lang yung loob ng bunganga ko, alam na nya?! Amazing! Allergic daw ako sa usok ng sigarilyo at pati alikabok. So that will oblige me to clean my room more often. Pambihira talaga.

May prescription agad. Nebulizer. Nakakaloka. Pero maige na rin kesa ang painumin ako ng pinagpakuluan ng butiki o ang paglanguyin ako sa dagat. Effort.

Rainy Days and Mondays

It is a rainy Monday morning. And thank God for storm Frank (yeah, I'm considering it a blessing in disguise). The traffic is so smooth. Students are not around to vie with you for space in PUVs. Bwahaha. Waging-wagi! Traces of Frank in Makati are everywhere. Fallen leaves and damp streets. The bamboo trees infront of The Columns originally implanted in there for aesthetic purposes yielded to Frank's winds. I saw one security guard taking photos of the bamboos (sosyal!) -- for postcard maybe. ;) Rains give me that euphoric mood. Rains bring back my delightful childhood memories. Rains remind me of the Cali Shandy commercial.

******

I owe my friends birthday greetings:

June 22 - Maricar Ramos, June (of IIEE-CSC)

June 23 - Mitch (of UST-AB Economics 03), Xian (of UST-AB Economics 03)

Just congratulations to my former classmate slash guy pal slash adviser slash brother slash constant chatmate slash provincemate slash so on Junlee Cacapit for finally receiving his visa for London. Taray!

******

My sincerest condolences to Ervi Rodriguez (of UST-AB Legal Management 01 and Our Lady of Lourdes Youth Ministry) for the death of his father.

*****

And I want to repost this read from my friend Jeff's Multiply site just so I could paint a smile in your face. (http://jeffreysarm.multiply.com/journal/item/19/Movies)

1. Black hawk down - Ibong maitim sa ibaba

2. Dead man's chest - Dede ng patay

3. I know what you did last summer - Uyy... aminin!

4. Love, actually - Sa totoo lang, pag-ibig

5. Million dollar baby - 40 million pisong sanggol (it depends on the exchange rate of the country)

6. The blair witch project - Ang proyekto ng bruhang si blair

7. Mary poppins - Si mariang may putok

8. Snakes on a plane - Nag-ahasan sa ere

9. The postman always rings twice - Ang kartero kapag dumutdot laging dalawang beses

10. Sum of all fears - Takot mo, takot ko, takot nating lahat

11. Swordfish - Talakitok

12. Pretty woman - Ganda ng lola mo

13. Robin hood, men in tights - Si robin hood at ang mga felix bakat

14. 4 weddings & a funeral - Kahit 4 na beses ka pang magpakasal, mamamatay ka rin

15. The good, the bad and the ugly - Ako, ikaw, kayong lahat (Hahaha!)

16. Harry potter and the sorcerer's stone - Adik si harry, tumira ng shabu

17. Click - Isang pindot ka lang

18. Brokeback mountain - May nawasak sa likod ng bundok ng tralala /bumigay sa bundok

19. Waterworld - Basang-basa

20. There's something about mary - May kwan sa ano ni maria

21. Employee of the month - Ang sipsip

22. Resident evil - Ang biyenan

23. Kill bill - Kilitiin sa bilbil

24. The grudge - Lintik lang ang walang ganti

25. Nightmare before christmas - Binangungot sa noche buena

26. Annie hall - Ang butas ni annie

27. Never been kissed - Pangit kasi (Hahaha talaga!)

28. Gone in 60 seconds - 1 round, tulog

29. The fast and the furious - Ang bitin, galit

30. Too fast, too furious - Kapag sobrang bitin, sobrang galit

31. Dude, where's my car - Dong, anong level ulit tayo nag-park?

32. Beauty and the beast - Ang asawa ko at ang nanay nya (Hahaha ulit!)

33. The lord of the rings - Ang alahero

*****

The day has not ended yet and I'm still getting a load of surprises. Haha!

On my way to the elevator at 12:35 p.m. to buy myself a cup of rice for lunch (yes guys, I took my lunch that late), I saw Mark the G. (the German!) waiting for the lift at the elevator lobby. Is this some kind of a joke? (Nah, coincidence lang) I sashayed to join him wait for the elevator. And since I think the situation called for emergency, I naturally combed my hair with my fingers to fix it in place. Ooops, blouse, check. Pants, check. Shoes, check. Perfume, uh-oh, I do not wear perfume. I sure hope he won't necessarily sniff like a dog. If he does, he has to bear with my sweat, este sweet smell.

We were the sole couple, I mean we were the only two people (that makes a couple, doesn't it?) there. When the elevator door opened, he held the door for me and motioned me to enter the elevator ahead. Classic gentleman, is he? And what? Is this called my lucky day? We were the only people inside! Where is everybody? As in nada, zero. Only me and him. But he was busy reading that trash he's holding to notice me. :( I only got to relish the moment with him inside the elevator for 5 seconds or so. When we stopped at the 18th floor, two girls entered and helped themselves fill in the space that separates me and Mark the G. I want to get hold of a wand and shout "Patronus!" there and then. Hahaha.

When finally the elevator landed at the Ground Floor, I eased myself out instantly to forget about fancying him. I headed to the jolly jeeps to buy rice for myself but since it was nearing 1:00 p.m., I get to see the vendors cleaning up the empty trays. In short, wala ng rice! I proceeded to the canteen instead while chanting, God, help! I'm starving. He heard my prayer -- and still with a bonus. Mark the G. was heading to a table all by himself. I ordered a cup of rice while my peepers are focused somewhere else. A naughty idea came to me. What if I join him for lunch? Will I get rejected? Well, what if's will stay what if's unless done. So I only frustrated myself. I remember that commercial with the cliche, "Is this seat taken?"

I left the canteen blowing him my sweetest gaze with batting eyelashes. Only that, he does not know.

*****

Have a nice week ahead!

Ang Liham ni Mav (a.k.a. Mab)

Isang ping (bago ang liham) ang aking natanggap mula kay Marivie Duran, ang aking dating kaopisina dito sa EITSC, kasundo, kaututang isip, kakulitan, kakiligan, kakambal, kalokohan (hehehehe). Sabi nya mayroon daw syang isinulat na liham para sa akin. At dahil hindi na uso ang snail mail at marahil ay masyadong techie itong si Mav, ay sa blog nya ito isinulat. Note: Pasensya Mav, dahil blog ko ito, may mga kailangang akong i-omit. Ahahaha. Masyadong vulgar. Hindi ko na rin ilalagay 'yung reference site ng blog mo. Ayoko nga! Narito ang liham na nilagdaan ni Mav (a.k.a. Mab para hindi na masyadong mahirap pakinggan at bigkasin):

Dear Tina-pay,

Ilang buwan na din tayong magkakilala at masasabing kong isa kang matibay na nilalang. Malakas ang loob mo, hindi ka natatakot sumubok ng mga bagay-bagay. Hindi ka natakot magmahal. Saludo ako sayo.

Kung mayroon man akong 'twin sister' sigurado akong ikaw yun. Hindi ko din alam kung bakit nagkakasundo tayo, hindi ko din alam kung bakit magaan ang loob ko sayo.

Hindi kasalanan ang magmahal. Kung hindi man naging maganda ang kinalabasan ng pagmamahal na iyon, eh ano?! Okay lang yun. At least ibinigay mo ang lahat ng makakaya mo at hindi ka natakot magmahal. Kung hindi man niya iyon nasuklian ng ayon sa gusto mo, hindi mo na kasalanan yun.

Huwag mong isipin na wala kang silbi dahil hindi iyon totoo. Kailan man hindi iyon magiging totoo.

"Its not the failures that matters, its what you have learned."

Subukan mo ulit. Walang pumipigil sa iyo. Wala din namang nagmamadali sa iyo.

Hindi nasusukat sa tagal ng pagsasama ang pagmamahal sa isang tao. Hindi rin ito nasusukat sa mga hirap at saya na pinagdaanan nyo. Madalas walang sukatan ang pagmamahal.

Malinis ang iyong kalooban, makakatagpo ka din ng para sa iyo. Subukan mo ulet. Subukan mo ulet mag&^$# sa * o kaya ang *... hindi ko na lang sasabihin kasi alam mo na iyon :).

Kung gusto mo siya walang problema dun at kung kailangan mo ako, alam mo kung ano ang kaya ko hahaha :). Pero alam mo naman kung ano ang kumento ko ukol sa kanya, pagisipan mo :).

You are loved. You are always loved. By me.

Nagmamahal,

Mav

* *toot* boopboopbaby:)

Thank you Mav. Thank you dahil kahit alam kong nabobore ka at walang magawa sa trabaho mo ay nag-exert ka ng effort (brain bleed) para sa liham na ito. Nangingilid na ang luha ko. Ang babaw ko talaga. Nega and drama queen na ako.

Gagawa din ako ng reply letter ko. Antayin mo lang. May training pa kami. Hahaha.

LTO = LITO less "I"

Not another phone conversation to start my blog with. Argh! But this really happened. And I want to narrate it exactly the way I could recount it. Kriiing. Kriiiingg. Past one in the afternoon and I am throwing my usual phone spiel again with my usual pleasant voice (ehem!). But I have this funny feeling I know who my caller might be. A gift of ESP! The voice from the other side was muttering my name like he was reading from my birth certificate. I asked who he was. He declared who he is. My eyes bulged and spelled D.I.S.A.S.T.E.R. Instantly, I was telling my friend over YM that I'm speaking to the person I dreaded speaking to. I could barely hear the caller's words. He has to repeat what he was saying if he has to juice out something from me. I was only trying to imply I was not really interested. I just do not know how to do it the subtle way. Chocolates? Pasalubongs? In my most composed and courteous tone, I said, "'Wag na ho kayong mag-abala."

He must have noticed I was being inadequate with my answers. He prompted, "O sige, baka nakakaistorbo na ako sa'yo." To cut the call short, I uttered, "Sige po." I was not at all surprised when he furthered, "Ano oras ka lumalabas?" To which I said, "6:30 pm" My mind was imploring for help. Stalker! Stalker! He hang up, leaving me bewildered. Somebody shoot me, please. It's the kindest way. I wanna resign. ;-)

*****

As to how, why, when, who and where the above story transpired, I need not delve into details. Let's just say, it was a very uncalled for circumstance that lead me to meeting him in the most unexpected place and time, I did not have time to think. Or was I really thinking then? It was not really a smart move. (Dumb-me-dumb-me-dumb-me-dumb-me. Talk like a man. Act like a man. Dumb-me-dumb-me-dumb-me. *Own lyrics) This is what I get when I offer even the tiniest gesture of kindness I could. Napasobra ata. I am very generous! That's one thing certain.

*****

I'm buying a new, tinier umbrella next payday.

*****

Meanwhile, you may say this short prayer: "Lord Jesus, I need You. Thank You for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life and receive You as my Savior and Lord. Thank You for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Take control of the throne of my life. Make me the kind of person You want me to be." Amen.

Blog Makeover

Hmmm, I noticed something about myself lately. I am addicted to blogging! I have maintained this blog since 2004 but I only get to blog regularly this year. It must be something really nice to be proud of. My mind has gone sloppy for quite some time that I'm running out of words to say -- more definite words to describe how I feel and what I want to tell the world. So, instead of nourishing this site with words filthy spoken (read: &%^$#@!) because I'm feeling like i wanna lash, I just decided to do a blog makeover. Para maiba naman. Voila! I love the new look of my blog. It is wider. It is much better. It can accommodate more of my blasting ideas and emotions. Way to go! A blessed week everyone! God has something in store for us everyday. Fill your hearts with excitement to discover each one.

Way to Recovery

Umagang-umaga, nagboblog na naman ako. Ok lang. Wala pa namang 8:00 am eh. Di ko alam kung bakit pero after what seemed to be endless excruciating moments over something I should not have wasted time in, eh I feel so light and up again. God must have taken charge over my life now. He truly must be. Paglapag ko pa lang ng bag ko sa chair ko, on agad ang notebook at ang water dispenser para sa hot water ko. Parang nasa bahay lang ba? Hubad ng sapatos at sabay saksak sa paa ng pair of sheep-ish bed slippers ni Ms. Ria (na iniwan sa office kay Ms. Rina na syang tunay na nagmamay-ari nito). Lambot sa paa. Gusto kong sumayaw. Wala pang tao sa office eh. Kung kelan naman gusto ko ng partner para mag-sway-sway sa pinapatugtog kong Michael Buble songs eh saka naman hindi nagpapakita yung mumu sa ECCP office (ok, i take that back. Takot ako sa mumu eh.) Timpla na ako ng Milo drink ko, for energy daw. (Nadaan na naman ako sa ads.) Pagewang-gewang ako sa tugtugin habang iniikot ang kutsarita sa cup of chocolate drink ko. Feeling ko para akong kutsaritang sumasayaw nung makita ko ang reflection ko sa window. Hmmmm... payat ko na ah! Ok lang yun. Papagarage sale ako ng mga damit na pinagpayatan ko. Hahahaha. Ibang songs naman. Somewhere Over the Rainbow by Nora Jones. Humahampas yung mga balikat ko sa tempo ng song. Para akong si Maja Salvador. Hahaha. Sa ganda at payat ko ngayon, di na ako nalalayo sa kanya(in my dreams). Anyway, I still think Nora Jones and Michael Buble sound good together. I mean, they can make a good couple singing forever. Di ba? Madalas kasi pinagbabasehan ng tao ang looks, hence the phrase they look good together. Para maiba naman, wag na lang tignan sa mukha, sa boses na lang. They sound good together. O di ba? Tignan mo si Rachel Ann at Christian Bautista. I do not think they sound good together, kaya ayun, naghiwalay sila. Pokwang and Christian siguro, pwede pa. Eh bakit way to recovery? Kasi nga, I'm singing again like I own the voice of God. I'm dancing again like there's no one watching. Cool yun. Being yourself, your happy true self. So fully recovered na ako? I'm getting there! Yuhooooo....

*****

To my ever-loyal pianist (ayoko sabihin organist or keyboard artist. Promise, ang sagwa pakinggan.), Mac. Salamat sa pagtitiyaga sa pagtugtog mo ng mga piyesang pinili ko para sa Kanya. Sa pilit na pag-abot ng key mo at in the end eh ako pa rin ang nasusunod, salamat. Nagttranspose ka rin sa key ko. Ahahaha. Salamat sa gift of music which we both share. Maswerte akong nakatagpo ng kaibigang tulad mo na sa low points ng buhay ko eh instrumental lang ng theme song ng Lovingly Yours, Helen ang ipinangtatapat mo para bumagsak mga luha ko. Salamat, Mac. Hindi lang pinsan ang turing ko sa'yo. Bestfriend and church bandmate pa. Sa susunod na pag-uwi ko, God of Silence naman kakantahin ko. Ayan, umiiyak na naman ako.

Top 5 Hirit Lines sa Loob ng MRT

Independence Day ngayon. 110th, to be exact. Ayon sa aking pamangkin na nag-aaral sa UST, may libreng sakay daw ang mga LRT commuter mula 7:00 n.u. hanggang 9:00 n.u. Nanghihinayang sya sa hindi nya pagkakalibre ng sakay sa LRT dahil mas maaga pa sa 7:00 n.u. kung sya ay nakakasakay ng tren. Magpasalamat na lang sya, ikako, dahil malamang sa hindi, gahibla na lang ang layo nya sa makakasakayan nya sa mga oras na yun na pagsakay nya ng LRT sa SOBRANG siksikan.

*****

Matagal ko na sana itong nailathala -- ang patungkol sa Hirit Lines sa loob ng MRT, nawawaglit lang talaga sa abalang isipan ko (talaga lang ha!?).

Isa akong proud MRT commuter. Sa umaga, mula Quezon Avenue Station (noon yun) hanggang Buendia Station, hindi ko alintana kung tumayo ako habang nakahawak sa hawakan o railing ng tren. Kapag sumusuray ang tren, nakikisuray ka rin. 'Pag pumreno, mapapaurong ka rin. (Law of Inertia yata tawag dun.)

'Di bale nang nakatayo at nakikipagsiksikan, 'wag lang ang mahuli sa pagpasok sa opisina. 'Di bale nang mangawit sa mahigpit na pagkakahawak sa hawakan ng tren, 'wag lang mangamoy usok at pawis at magmukhang taong grasa pagharap mo sa salamin sa CR ng office. Iyan ang MRT -- mas mainam na solusyon-biyahe sa mga taong ayaw matraffic at magmukhang harassed pagdating sa office. Iyan din ang MRT -- ang mahiwagang sasakyan kung saan nagiging amasona ang mga babae at nagiging mapagpigil sa pakikipagsuntukan ang mga lalaki (wala silang choice, no space for duel eh.) Ang MRT -- ang lugar kung saan if looks could kill eh matagal nang naging haunted train sa dami ng gustong makipagpatayan makasakay lang.

*****

Eto pa lamang ang aking natatala sa aking Top 5 Hirit Lines sa Loob ng MRT (mapa-coach man ng babae o lalaki) as of June 12, 2008:

1. Aray ko! ARAY KO! Sadyang naka-all caps 'yung pangalawang ARAY KO! Minsan kasi, sa unang aray ng isang MRT commuter na naiipit, natutulak o nabubunggo eh ded-ma ang nang-iipit, nanunulak o nambubunggo. Kailangan pang lakasan at lagyan ng stress sa pamamagitan ng pag-uulit ng sinasabi mo para maiabot ang mensahe mo sa mga sadya o 'di sinasadyang nanakit. Strategy din yan para mabigyan ka ng space.


2. 'Wag naman kayo manulak! Pansinin na ang pagkakasabi ng karamihan sa MRT commuters ay addressed sa subject in plural form. Sa pagkakasakay mo kasi sa MRT, ang nanunulak sa 'yo ay tinutulak ng nanunulak sa nanunulak sa nanunulak sa likod mo. (Whew!) Kaya kapag humirit ka ng ganyan, addressed to the public 'ika nga. Tamaan na ang guilty!


3. Ano pa problema mo? Iyan ang matapang at mataray na sagot ng mga guilty sa pagtulak, pang-iipit o pambubunggo ng kapwa MRT commuter. Palibhasa, hindi pwedeng hindi makaganti sa pagkakapahiya o pamimintang sa kanila, yan ang matinding counterattack nila. Minsan din, ginagamit ito pangdepensa sa mga sumisimple sa pagtulak, pag-ipit o pagbunggo para masindak sila sa katarayan mo.


4. Kita na lang tayo sa ------ station! Ito ang bungad ng mga magkakasamang commuters (magsyota, mag-ina, mag-ama, mag-asawa, magkapatid, magbarkada, magkaribal, magkapitbahay, magkabit, etc.) sa isa't-isa kapag napaghihiwalay sa pagsara ng pintuan ng MRT. Iisang paroroonan pero magkaiba ng nasakyang coach ng tren. Ang isa, nadadala sa agos ng heavy commuters at ang isa naman, napag-iwanan dahil sa.... ano nga ba...uhmmm, katangahan na lang siguro.


5. Wow! Macau! Self-explanatory. Paid voice advertisement ito ng Chowking na sobrang dry. Akala ko kasi nung una ad sya ng Magic Sing. Alam mo yun, yung Wow Magic Sing. Hay ewan ko ba. You should hire me! Hehehe.

Hayan na ang aking listahan. Marami pa sana pero iyan lamang ang mga pumatok sa pagmamasid ko (na pati pagdadasal ko ng rosaryo ko eh 'di ko natatapos dahil sa aking pagmamasid at pag-uusisa).

*****

Madalang na ako maging MRT commuter ngayon. Hindi, wala pa akong kotse at wala pa ring naghahatid sa aking may sasakyan. Hindi rin, wala ako pambayad sa cab araw-araw. Sikretong malupit na lang kung bakit. :P

*****

Lady Voice Over: Buendia Station, Buendia Station. Kindly exit the train on the left side. Maari lamang pong lumabas sa kaliwang pinto. Maraming salamat po. (Wala lang ito. Natuwa ako sa bagong ininstall na voice prompt sa MRT kahit mali-mali sya ng pagbanggit sa kung saan istasyon ka na nga ba. Mabuti na yun kesa yung dating MRT driver slash announcer na sa umaga ay garalgal pa ang boses na parang 'di pa nagmumumog. Hah!)

Melody from the Past

Habang tinatahak ko ang daan papuntang Makati sakay ng bus, tumugtog sa ere ang isang kantang nagdala sa akin sa nakaraan. (Time space warp, ngayon din!) Nagtatawanan kami ng pinsan ko. Grade 4 ako nun at nasa bahay nila kami, sa may itaas. Umuulan din nun at ang tanging alam naming libangan sa tuwing sasapit ang Sabadong tulad nun ay magbasa ng mga lipas na episodes ng True Horoscope (ewan ko kung kilala nyo si Nimpha). May tugtog pa (multitasking talaga ang lahi namin) mula sa radyo nilang maliit. FM station yun na di ko na maalala. Tumutugtog yung "Nakapagtataka" at in fairness, sinasabayan din ng ulan at ng malalamig naming boses ang saliw. Birit kung birit. Bigla nya ako tinanong kung paglaki ko ano daw ba ang gusto ko maging. Sabi ko gusto ko maging abogado o di kaya nag-oopis din lang gaya ni Mama. Sabi nya, hindi daw ako naging matalino para lang mag-opis. Ibinalik ko sa kanya ang tanong. Eh ikaw? Sabi nya, gusto nyang maging plain housewife. Napanganga ako. Huh? Plain housewife? Hindi ko tiyak kung ano iniisip ko nun, napatanong ako ng 'Ano bang propesyon yung walang asawa?' Sagot nya, Madre. Sabat ko, 'Sige, magmamadre na lang ako.' Nag-iba ang tugtog. Tuyo Na'ng Damdamin. Di namin alam ang lyrics pero dahil maganda ang melody napatigil ako sa pagbabasa at nakinig. Gayon din pala ang pinsan ko. Sa murang edad, hindi pa namin alam kung paano ma-inlove pero sa pagkakataong iyon, ang kantang 'yon ang nagpaliwanag kung paanong mawalan ng minamahal. Kanta pa lang, nakakapagod na. Isang tingin lang namin sa isa't-isa, nagkaintindihan kami na kailangang mag-ingat sa pagpili ng mamahalin. Itinuloy namin ang pagbabasa ng True Horoscope. Panaka-naka, nahuhuli ko sya nakatingin sa kawalan. Nagmumuni-muni. Ang lalim ng iniisip. Ako rin, di ko maitanggi na napapaisip din ako. Eto nga pala yung lyrics ng kanta na tinutukoy ko.

Tuyo Na'ng Damdamin (Silent Sanctuary) Minsan kahit na pilitin mong uminit ang damdamin Di siya susunod, at di maglalambing Minsan di mo na mapigil mapansin Na talagang wala nang naiiwan na pagmamahal [Refrain] At kahit na anong gawin Di mo na mapilit at madaya Aminin sa sarili mo Na wala ka nang mabubuga Parang 'sang kandila na nagdadala Ng ilaw at liwanag Nauubos rin sa magdamag (Instrumental) Minsan di mo na mapigil mapansin Na talagang wala nang naiiwan na pagmamahal (Repeat Refrain) Di na madaig o mabalik ang dating matamis na kahapon Pilitin ma'y tuyo na'ng damdamin Tuyo na'ng damdamin (repeat 4x)

*****

Sya nga pala. May asawa na yung pinsan ko ngayon. Apat na ang anak at plain housewife nga sya. Ako nag-oopis. Wala na yung itaas ng bahay nila. Balita ko kasi winasak ng bagyong Cosme nung nakaraang buwan ng Mayo kaya sa Level 1 na lang ng bahay nila sila nakatira. Nakakapagmuni-muni pa rin kaya sya?

Tears at North Park

6:00 pm. Sharp. I have known her to know exactly what the time is and how she would spend it that is why I made it a point to arrive at that spot before the agreed time. But standing and waiting is not in my frame. I still have 15 minutes to wait so I decided to marvel at what KFC has to serve my stomach with. I contented myself with chicken sandwich, regular golden brown fries and soda. These must be enough to compensate my dawdling for a while. The fries were gone and I was not halfway over munching my bite of the sandwich, my phone beeped. It signalled me to pick up my things and proceed to the meeting place. She was screaming my name at the sight of me. I could only open my arms to welcome her for an embrace. Gosh, she has longer hair now. She looked prettier to me, better than when I last saw her. I was delighted to see her again! She said I look sexier. I wanted to object but I brushed off the compliment like it was just her nature to say that. In the first place, I was meeting with her to catch up with the old times and not to argue with her. We decided to eat at Tempura only to settle at North Park when we got there. Hahaha. Girls will be girls. We ordered for dried herb noodles, steamed sharks fin and spicy garlic squid. The best part is, while the food we ordered are sizzling in the pot, the chat started to simmer as well. Talking about what transpired in our lives for the longest time we have not met and talked again would take forever. What made me fixated in my comfy chair was her asking me, "What have you learned from it?" That same question got me preoccupied while eating. Did I really learn a thing? I was not prepared when the tears welled in my eyes sooner than I could wipe it with the table napkin. I learned to love more than myself. She had revelations thereafter. She said God is a jealous God. He will take away all those you love more than Him. True. True. I recounted that my service for Him waned for a time. I was not paying so much attention. I only focused on one (now) trivial person who was (now) taken away from me. I started crying again over that thought. She said it's high time I move on. She was the nth person to tell me that. And i was crying again. I was very generous for tears. A long, heavy breath escaped me. She told me to do the things I so longed to do. Study abroad. Seek better employment. Travel. Life is beautiful and so are you, she said. I was inspired. What was cried over at North Park will be left at North Park -- like the crumpled tissue I used to dry my tears. No left-overs. No take-outs. Thank you, Ms. Jane.

*****

And speaking of tears and moving on, I just have these words to share which were also shared to me today:

1.) The world will not stop revolving to wait for you.

2.) Don't cry over spoiled milk. (Spoiled ba or spilled? The point is, don't cry!)

Be inspired!

Mistaken Identity Over A Cheeseburger

I have to say the McDonald's TV ad of friends ganging up on someone for cheeseburgers over some silly new things (speaking English, tucking a shirt, bangs) is really catchy and funny. Geeenneeaassss!

Interpreting the moral of the ad (may ganun?!), it shows how we should appreciate little changes around us and dwell on the positivities these would bring. If something good happens to a friend or someone dear to us, let us be happy for them. (Am I being real?) Let's not put them down, uh-uh, don't even dare.

*****

While browsing my Friendster account, I came upon a friend of my friend whose name really rings a bell. I checked his account and ogled at his primary photo which happened to be a group picture. Looking at the faces in that photo, I was certain (as in, I sure would bet the apartment I live in now in QC) that I spotted the person that matches the name of the account and that he is someone I know from the past. Without second thoughts, I messaged him to actually demand that he should add me up pronto. He was asking me questions like he was probing on my identity. WTH is Ate Tintin? I was accusing him of nearing a diagnosis of Alzheimers, vividly describing how I remember him to be -- flat-headed, brown, thin and makulit. He mentioned names I was not sure were real people. I still insisted he is that person I know from when.

Come first Wednesday, I got an invite to attend the Mass in Baclaran. It was a sudden invite, not part of my plans after office, that I did not say yes at once. But OLPH must have devised ways that I should come to Mass -- and maybe meet this person in the face on the side. So I did. Besides, I felt the urgency yesterday that I should come to Mass. I saw it as an opportunity to vent the anxieties I have been suffering these past days. A therapy. On the side, this would be that one-time history of meeting and proving that that person I saw in Friendster is the same person I know -- or otherwise, I would prove myself wrong and hide forever.

Nyahahahaha. I was mistaken alright. He was not flat-headed. He was thin but not brown. And he was not that person I thought he was in the group photo. Ok, ok. I am only human to err, such things I cannot control especially when I have problems with my sight. (I was once told by a friend I should have seen my eye doctor before I decided to be in that relationship. Funny.)

My bad. That mistaken identity did not stop him nevertheless to treat me to a cheeseburger, and a large order of French Fries, and McFloat, and tales, and laughters, and updates slash gossips, and friendship. It was fun, fun, fun! I have to forget about the anxieties for a while.

And then I thought, if losing someone like that would mean meeting other far fun and better friends, I think I even gained more. It was worth the loss, if there was such a thing in the first place! And really sometimes (or all the time if seen from the lighter side), mistakes are blessings in disguise. Ikaw ba naman ilibre ng cheeseburger? Blessing nga yun!

Commit-meant

One Monday afternoon, while waiting for the clock to strike 5:00 p.m., I surveyed a few interesting people about what they think about COMMITMENT. I cannot state a particular reason why I picked this subject to elaborate on. Ah! Maybe I am still groping for it's meaning or I must be missing a real big thing about it. So here are what I gathered so far, excuses for those who might be hit and suffer adverse effects (Ay, exag!).

"Sometimes the people who are afraid of a having commitment are those who know the real meaning of it." -- Hanee Mae (6/3/2008 4:30:34 PM), in a relationship but complicated. "Commitment is trusting the person you are committed with and being honest completely. From it comes loyalty and adoration, respect and confidence." -- Not a love guru (sabi nya eh, nagpapaka-anonymous) (6/3/2008 5:28:13 PM), single and ready to mingle. "Kung ano man ang kalabasan, you must be willing to pay the price. That's commitment." -- Emman (6/3/2008 5:53:36 PM), father of two.

"Commitment is when you put your heart, mind, soul and energy to something you believe in or desire to accomplish. It can also mean being true to your word." -- Ed (6/3/2008 6:15:10 PM), happily married the second time around.

Note: I will try to add more views on this blog if I happen to get some more. Or leave a comment for your own definition or perception. You are entitled to it. (Hooray, Obama!)

Good Things About Being ThinTin

Ok, so it was good that I decided to have lunch with ECCP's Accounting people and with Mr. A, Mr. R. and Mr. B. I have the appetite to eat my normal lunch lately and it's a good thing. We were talking about condominiums, pieces of jewelry, Mr. C and a lot of trivial things that we didn't notice our empty plates and it's only 12:20 something. So we tried Marc for dessert, talk about him, I mean. Yeah, Marc 'd German (MDG). Weeeehh (did you just hear me say that? Kilig na naman ako!) He is straight, I will bet my sack of rice for that. Hehehe. Now that I'm thinner, and because they said he'd likely fall for petite girls, I'll qualify myself then. No protests, please.

*****

Ms. Myette said I lost so much weight. She said it is just so unfair. Hahaha. Ms. Ria said I'm now Thin Tin, and she hates me for being so. I have heard the same observation from Ms. Juliet, Ana, Jhia, Ms. Marlyn and Rhea. So is that a good thing? I don't know. But it must be something to start with. No need to visit the gym or indulge myself in a diet that would deprive me of foods I crave for. In this case, I still eat what I want, whenever and how much I want -- in exchange of sleepless nights. Yun yun eh!

*****

My clothes look big on me now that I'm thinner and I seem to shrink inside. Gahd! But the good thing about it is that I can try and fit in clothes that I could only stare at on TV or by the store window. O di ba?

So these are the good things about being ThinTin. Call me that from now on and I can live with it. :)

Missing Matt

I received an email from Matt yesterday in response to the birthday greeting I sent him. I was moved to tears -- well, for one, out of kilig maybe and out of the thought that he's treasuring my letters and greetings that much, to my delight! So here's the email he sent me (Junlee, you should read this.)...

hey cristine, thanks for the birthday greeting. i can always count on you remembering my birthday. i'm sorry for replying so late. it seems like as you get older, you get less and less free time for yourself. but yeah, thank you much for even remembering my birthday. i rarely celebrate it ever since i enlisted in the military, as a matter of fact, i was getting off a nightshift on my birthday and working again that night. anyways, i can't say thanks enough and i remember when you wrote me while i was in boot camp, letters were like gold there, and you took your time to write me, i won't ever forget that gesture. i still have your letter, too. you're a good friend and i'm sorry about what happened with you when you instant messaged me, i wish i could have been there to talk to you, but as you know being in the military, the mission comes first. sometimes you have to go through the bad to get to the good. you'll be fine. always take care. -matt

Waaaahhh!!! Matt!!! You should be here. I miss you, for reals. It's ok if you don't say much or you won't talk at all, maybe seeing you beside me would do the talking. Your smile would ease the pain, I know. My gahd! Somebody stop me from blogging about him! Hahaha.

10 Ways to Marry the Wrong Person

With the divorce rate over 50 percent, too many are apparently making a serious mistake in deciding who to spend the rest of their life with. To avoid becoming a "statistic," try to internalize these 10 insights. 1. You pick the wrong person because you expect him/her to change after you're married. The classic mistake. Never marry potential. The golden rule is, if you can't be happy with the person the way he or she is now, don't get married. As a colleague of mine so wisely put it, "You actually can expect people to change after they're married... for the worst!" So when it comes to the other person's spirituality, character, personal hygiene, communication skills, and personal habits, make sure you can live with these as they are now. 2. You pick the wrong person because you focus more on chemistry than on character. Chemistry ignites the fire, but good character keeps it burning. Beware of the "I'm in love" syndrome. "I'm in love" often means, "I'm in lust." Attraction is there, but have you carefully checked out this person's character? Here are four character traits to definitely check for:

Humility: Does this person believe that "doing the right thing" is more important than personal comfort? Do I want to be more like this person? Would I like my child to turn out like him or her? Kindness: Does this person enjoy giving pleasure to other people? How does s/he treat people s/he doesn't have to be nice to? Does s/he do volunteer work? Give to charity? Responsibility: Can I depend on this person to do what s/he says s/he's going to do? Happiness: Does this person like himself? Does she/he enjoy life? Is s/he emotionally stable? Ask yourself: Do I want to be more like this person? Do I want to have a child with this person? Would I like my child to turn out like him or her? 3. You pick the wrong person because the man doesn't understand what a woman needs most. Men and women have unique emotional needs, and more often than not, it is the man who just doesn't "get it." Jewish tradition places the onus on the man to understand the emotional needs of a woman and to satisfy them. The unique need of a woman is to be loved -- to feel that she is the most important person in her husband's life. The husband needs to give her consistent, quality attention. This is most apparent in Judaism's approach to sexual intimacy. The Torah obligates the husband to meet the sexual needs of his wife. Sexual intimacy is always on the woman's terms. Men are goal-oriented, especially when it comes to this area. As a wise woman once pointed out, "Men have two speeds: on and off." Women are experience-oriented. When a man is able to switch gears and become more experience-oriented, he will discover what makes his wife very happy. When the man forgets about his own needs and focuses on giving his wife pleasure, amazing things happen. 4. You choose the wrong person because you do not share a common life goals and priorities.

There are three basic ways we connect with another person: chemistry and compatibility share common interests share common life goal

Make sure you share the deeper level of connection that sharing life goals provide. After marriage, the two of you will either grow together or grow apart. To avoid growing apart, you must figure out what you're "living for," while you're single -- and then find someone who has come to the same conclusion as you. This is the true definition of a "soul mate." A soul mate is a goal mate -- two people who ultimately share the same understanding of life's purpose and therefore share the same priorities, values and goals. 5. You choose the wrong person because you get involved sexually too quickly. Sexual involvement before the commitment of marriage can be a big problem because it often precludes a fully honest exploration of important issues. Sexual involvement tends to cloud one's mind. And a clouded mind is not inclined to make good decisions. Of all the studies done on divorce, sexual incompatibility is never cited as a main factor. It is not necessary to take a "test drive" in order to find out if a couple is sexually compatible. If you do your homework and make sure you are intellectually and emotionally compatible, you don't have to worry about sexual compatibility. Of all the studies done on divorce, sexual incompatibility is never cited as a main reason why people divorce. 6. You pick the wrong person because you do not have a deeper emotional connection with this person. To evaluate whether you have a deeper emotional connection or not, ask: "Do I respect and admire this person?" This does not mean, "Am I impressed by this person?" We are impressed by a Mercedes. We do not respect someone because they own a Mercedes. You should be impressed by qualities of integrity, creativity, discipline, loyalty, determination, etc. Also ask: "Do I trust this person?" This also means, "Is he/she emotionally stable? Do I feel I can rely on him/her?" 7. You pick the wrong person because you choose someone with whom you don't feel emotionally safe. Ask yourself the following questions: Do I feel calm, peaceful and relaxed with this person? Can I fully be myself and express myself with this person? Does this person make me feel good about myself? Do you have a really close friend who does make you feel this way? Make sure the person you marry makes you feel the same way! Are you afraid of this person in any way? You should not feel you need to monitor what you say because you are afraid of how the other person will view it. If you're afraid to express your feelings and opinions openly, there's a problem with the relationship. Be on the look out for someone who is always trying to change you. Another aspect of feeling safe is that you don't feel the other person is trying to control you. Controlling behaviors are a sign of an abusive person. Be on the look out for someone who is always trying to change you. There's a big difference between "controlling" and "making suggestions." A suggestion is made for your benefit; a control statement is made for their benefit. 8. You pick the wrong person because you don't put everything on the table. Anything that bothers you about the relationship must be brought up for discussion. Bringing up the uncomfortable stuff is the only way to evaluate how well the two of you communicate, negotiate, and work together. Over the course of a lifetime, difficulties will inevitably arise. You need to know now, before making a commitment: Can you resolve your differences and find win-win compromises that work for both of you? Never be afraid to let the person know what bothers you. This is also a way for you to test how vulnerable you can be with this person. If you can't be vulnerable, then you can't be intimate. The two go hand in hand. 9. You pick the wrong person because you use the relationship to escape from personal problems and unhappiness. If you are unhappy and single, you'll probably be unhappy and married, too. Marriage does not fix personal, psychological and emotional problems. If anything, marriage will exacerbate them. If you are not happy with yourself and your life, take responsibility to fix it now while you are single. You'll feel better, and your future spouse will thank you. 10. You pick the wrong person because he/she is involved in a triangle. To be "triangulated" means a person is emotionally dependent on someone or something else while trying to develop another relationship. A person who hasn't separated from his or her parents is the classic example of triangulation. People can also be triangulated with things as well, such as work, drugs, Internet, hobbies, sports or money. Be careful that you and your partner are free of triangles. The person caught in the triangle cannot be fully emotionally available to you. You will not be their number one priority. And that's no basis for a marriage.

Credits: http://rcostib.multiply.com/journal/item/11/Avoid_Ten_Ways_to_Marry_the_Wrong_Person

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My Take: Golly! I have been reading and grabbing blogs of somebody else and I must say I am learning a lot! Wahahaha. And so much to my delight, I spotted this one which somehow gave me that wake-up call I so needed. This made me realize there really is a lot to consider before marrying... and a lot to avoid at that! Everyday I'm learning. I hope this post would make singles like me out there to think (and rethink) about the person to marry. Ayagi!!!!!

Ms. Ree's Legacy

It's Ms. Ria Ancheta-Adrias's last week at EITSC. She will be leaving for Hong Kong to be the good and submissive (huwwaaatt??) wife to Jasonstein. And while I only get to work with her for the past 8 months, I could say she taught me so many things from picture manager to you-can't-understand-it-now-but-you-will-in-the-future thing-ies.

I could still remember when she pinged me this "Thanks for the memories." It was the time when my regular status was due so I was thinking then that I would not make it. Hahaha! Only for me to learn that she is leaving the office soon. Kaloka!

But for reals, just these past few weeks, I appreciate her company more than ever. She would stay late with me at the office, never getting weary of my retold tales that would end until she ejects me from her car. Must be a nuisance for some (or maybe to her too, she's just trying not to show...hahaha) that I have to vent the same sentiments again and again. Thanks for bearing with me, Ms. Ree.

While I may only say a few words about you, I hope you know that I am more grateful to have known someone like you. I will never forget these words you shared, unsolicited in a way (to shut me up I guess, hahahah) :

1. There are more important things than standards.
2. Keep your heart open.
3. I was playing the role of the girlfriend but i wasn't being me. Don't be like that.
4. You dont pray for love.
5. I cant explain it now but i know you'll get through. You'll understand what i mean in time.

I love you Ms. Ree. I will miss you! We will miss you! Good luck and please stay in touch. Mwahs!

What I Love About You

Another mushy and informal piece I made over the weekend out of boredom and out of you-know-what kind of feeling I must be having till now. :P

I love smoothing the creases in your forehead

To ease the worries running inside your head

I love wrapping my arms around you in bed

My simple way of saying loving words left unsaid.

I love touching and looking at your soft, full lips

I delight as your breath lightly tickles my fingertips

I love tracing your eyebrows while you're asleep

And etch your facial features for my heart to keep.

I love waking you up each morning with a smile

Stare warmly at your awed face for a while

I love hearing you say 'I love you so much' with style

When you walk me to the door, I could run a mile.

I love the sound of your hearty laugh

Even if in my mind I know I had had enough

I love you even if your treatment was rough

You wounded my heart but I will stay tough.

I love you simply for the way you are

No matter how near I'm with you or some place far

I love you and each time I would see our star

I am certain this love could remove the scar.

I told you it is so damn mushy.

Nen Saman

Nen saman Lanang mon ibabaga Inarom ak ya anggapoy angga Natan ya anggapo ta la Ngalngalik ipakan ed sika Iraraman ya salita Nen saman Agay lay likeliket mo Ngalngali agka onsempet ed abong yo Basta kaibam ak kada minuto Singa anggapo lay arom ya totoo Ya manbibilay ed mundo Nen saman Say kuwan mo siak labat Say kuwan mo agmo ak isalat Anggano diad saray kabkabat Balet natan ko la akabat Say tuwan kulay mo tan balat Akin balet natan ey? Akalmo ka la amoy salaney? Saman ya panangarom maples ya kinmolaney. Pati iramay imbabagam Amin ya kuwan mon insipan Abangon ak sakey na kabuwasan Naandipat iraraman Say kuwan mo, duma la natan. -- tinao 10:36 am 5/23/08 Note: I may have misspelled some of the words I used in Pangasinan. I spelled it as I spoke it. Those who speak in my native tongue would understand this simple poem I thought of while queueing for my turn in the bank. Hahaha. The words just came naturally. 'Nen Saman' means in the past. It was fun doing this. Pangasinenses, enjoy reading!

The Invitation (by Oriah Mountain Dreamer)

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing. It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive. It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain!I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it. I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human. It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithlessand therefore trustworthy. I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence. I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, “Yes!” It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children. It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back. It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments. --Oriah Mountain Dreamer

*****

Now this portion is my space already.

I wish I could have spotted this piece earlier. I could have read this over and over to him so he would know what does not interest me at all and what I want to know about him. I did not write it but I can so identify myself with the content. :(

It does not matter now. I would love to tell this to the next man who would knock me off my feet -- someone who would appreciate me the more.

I grabbed this from a blogger who also grabbed it from another blogger. But credits to Oriah Mountain Dreamer.

Good morning!

Random Thoughts

What pathetic state of mind I have right now. Nothing particular to write about, nothing really special.

*****

On moving on and moving out.

It is exactly a week now when it dawned on me that I should call things over between us. First week-sary for courage and for selfless love! While the pain may still be there, I am thriving with laughter, music and tales I share with friends and loved ones since Day 1 of my journey to survival.

It is hard getting by each day when you know you are only steps away from the one you used to love. Hahaha. But I am struggling to find a suitable place to relocate. I have my things and cousins to bring along with me and it will sure be fun starting over.

*****

Stormy Weekend.

During Friday's climax of fun, storm Cosme also decided to join us. Because ECCP's anniversary was celebrated in a venue by the bay, strong winds damaged most of the outdoor activities' decorations. It was horrible having your hair done for the night only to be disheveled with winds that could launch ships! Really.

While we were sleeping at the hotel, I could hear the winds whistling like crazy. It seemed as though it wanted everybody to know it has arrived. And while I may have successfully retired to bed, many of the people from my province (Pangasinan) could not afford to blink an eye for fear of being flown away by Cosme. While only 3 people (from the latest I heard, but life is at stake here) were reported dead, a thousand others (or even millions) were left homeless, shivering and groping in the dark. They could have awaken from a nightmare, but no, it was real.

*****

Celebration and lamentation.

Happy birthday to my dear friend (ok Junlee, I'll admit it) and long-time crush Matthew Macaraeg Delgado.

The same goes to my dear-departed friend Richard Valiant Correa Primicias whose birthday is also today, May 20. Nine days from now (May 29), his first death anniversary will be commemorated. We miss you, Val.

*****

Meeting 'others'.

I am meeting people up. I am enjoying my life like never before. For reals.

God has better plans than mine. :)

I Grabbed a Blog Today

I grabbed this from a friend's Friendster Blog (Reich's Blog). Good read. Sensible. I can't say more. Intrigued? Read on then. Sometimes, in our relentless efforts to find the person we love, we fail to recognize and appreciate the people who love us. We miss out on so many beautiful things simply because we allow ourselves to be enslaved by our own selfish concerns. Go for the man of deeds and not for the man of words for you will find rewarding happiness not with the man you love but the man who loves you more.The best lovers are those who are capable of loving from a distance, far enough to allow the other person to grow, but never too far to feel the love deep within your being. To let go of someone doesn't mean you have to stop loving, it only means that you allow that person to find his own HAPPINESS without expecting him to come back. Letting go is not just setting the other person free, but it is also setting yourself free from all fears, bitterness, hatred, and anger that you keep in your heart. Do not let the bitterness rare away your strength and weaken your faith, and never allow pain to dishearten you, but rather let you grow with wisdom in bearing it. You may have found peace in just loving someone from a distance not expecting anything in return. But be careful, for this can sustain life but can never give enough room for us to grow.We can all survive with just beautiful memories of the past but real peace and happiness come only with open acceptance of what reality is today. There comes a time in our lives when we chance upon someone so nice and we just find ourselves getting so intensely attracted to that person. This feeling soon become a part of our everyday lives and eventually consumes our thoughts and actions. The sad part of it is when we begin to realize that this person feels nothing more for us than just friendship, or the feelings he might have for you is just too far from how you love him. We start our desperate attempt to get noticed and be closer but in the end our efforts are still unrewarded and we end up being sorry for ourselves. You don't have to be bitter on love. What you need to learn is how to accept the verdict of reality without being bitter or sorry for yourself. Believe me, you would be better off giving that dedication and love to someone more deserving. Don't let your heart run your life, be sensible and let your mind speak for itself. Listen not only to your feelings but to reason as well. Always remember that if you lose someone today, it means that someone better is coming tomorrow. If you lose love that doesn't mean that you failed in love. Cry, if you have to, but make sure that the tears wash away the hurt and the bitterness that the past has left with you. Let go of yesterday and love will find its way back to you. And when it does, pray that it may be the love that will stay and last a lifetime. "When you lose someone... and you think you were the one who loved most, between the two of you... he lost more. For someday you can love someone the way thatyou loved him...But he will never be loved again the way that you did."

Living My So-Called Life

I have my life back! After somehow losing it to someone else, unbeknownstly. For quite sometime, I was identified with another person, apparently he was too with me -- that if someone we both know would bump into him or me, that person would ask for me or him and how things are doing in between. Funny, I did not realize that early. Not until now.

Rihanna said, "You should not lower your standards for a guy." Very well said, it struck me. I know, it was a welcomed mistake. I did that. Why, you would ask. Out of love, I should answer. And now that's the most stupid answer a, ehem, smart girl like me could deliver. Admittedly, I could say this now, I was not thinking back then. I just knew I fell in love. He was persistent. He was always there for me. He took care of me. He made me feel I was the only girl in his life and I felt very, very lucky.

Fast forward. We separated. No, we are not married yet but we did have plans. We envisioned a future together to that point where we decided to start saving for it. Plans that did not materialize at all. And good relief, God saved me from so much trouble I could have faced if we pursued a relationship that was shattering before my eyes even if my heart refuses to see it.

It is in this situation that I realized those who really cared for me -- family and friends alike. It was because I focused my attention and my precious time on one person who was in the end, well, unworthy of it. This woke me up from my fantasy. I could no longer bear the feeling of seeing my family and friends hurting for me. I realized I was selfish. I perceived the situation to be something I (and only I) can control. But no, I have to let go. A lot of people are already in pain seeing me in pain. They hurt for me and I was alarmed.

It took time before reality sank in. People are now brave to tell me their impressions about him which they long held back, afraid to hurt me. Not that he's no good for me, but I deserve someone better, someone DEFINITELY WHOLE LOT better they say. Suitors from the past are eager to date me out again which is strange because I am not ready for one, yet. Haha. Or maybe I could change my mind. No, they want to date me to prove how worthy they could be, even as friends. They resurfaced. I am so blessed! I really am. (... you know who you guys are. Beh!)

I'm living my so-called LIFE again! The TINTIN my family and friends know is now resurrected, with God's purposeful plan. Someone better, you bet. Hooray for freedom! Hooray for being me!

You Love You

I'm reposting this blog I posted in Friendster. It is so timely that I relate this again to remind me to love myself more. So here goes... "Learning to love yourself is the greatest love all." - From Greatest Love All Now that sounds really narcistic. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Apparently, the line is not synonymous to sacrifice, is it? If you learned to love others, you forget about yourself up to the extreme point of self-loathing. Love makes people blind to their own needs thinking more of satiating their loved one's. But you see, in economics, wants and needs are insatiable. So why bother? But then again, loving someone brings you back to sacrifice. Just simply worrying over whether you hurt your loved one gives you anxiety. You eat less so she could eat more. You stay up late to check on her sick stomach each ticking hour. You would wish to share with her painful loads or take it wholly from her. You would say you would do that in an 'always' frequency. And how frequent is 'always'? How long before the intensity of sacrifice subsides? Nobody could really tell. After all, if machines break down, people get tired even more. And then the ultimate line saying 'Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all' prevails. There's no point denying that. You love yourself. Love can do wonders and so you can do too. Just get real. (Posted January 8, 2007) P.S. Promises with 'always' are almost sure to be wastes. Never believe them . I know of someone who cannot keep his words like that. Haha! ;)

Love Isn't A Subject You Take Up In School

If LOVE is a subject taken up in school, I would try my best to excel, I tell you. But it is not, and it is a sad fact. While there may be available publications featuring how to's, what if's, or what to do's about LOVE, each of us has a unique love experience to share. And this experience will be your own teacher. I do not recognize myself for quite some time now. Where is my love teacher? As Patrick (here we go again) would put it, "Nakakatawa no, sa Eco subjects mo ibibigay ko sayo grade puro 1, pero sa EQ sorry na lang ha, puro ka 5." True, I still have not learned. Or maybe I am just refusing to. I have to admit that the fantasies are running around my mind each time I think of him. Never giving up is the name of my game. And Pat, I have your blessing, right? You could not blame me. :P

Life is What You Choose to Make It

I received this excerpt from Mia Melanie A. Tandoc via YM today, May 8, 2008 at 8:44 a.m.-- You don't have to look very far to find a reason to feel sorry for yourself. But why would you want to waste even a few moments of your precious life on self pity? It's easy to come up with perfectly reasonable excuses for lowering your expectations and hiding away from life. But then all you're left with are worthless excuses. There are certain circumstances under which some people see themselves as victims. Yet under those exact same circumstances other people find and make the most of truly grand opportunities. When you expect life to be cruel and harsh, it will live up to your expectations. When, on the other hand, you consider yourself to be extremely fortunate, you will become even more so. There is great value in every moment. Positive possibilities are generated by every turn and twist of fate. No matter what may happen or fail to happen, life is what you choose to make it. Choose again and again, in every situation, to make it great. You're right Mhel. Life is what I choose to make it.

Delay is Not Denial

I just cannot afford to miss posting this: Delay Is Not Denial LUKE 18:1 NKJ 1 Then He spoke a parable to them, that men always ought topray and not lose heart, Many people give up too easily in prayer. When they don't seethe answer almost immediately, they quit. God is not pleased with this approach. You may say, "God knows my need. Why doesn't He just give it tome, instead of playing games?" Whether you agree with God's ways, or not: God is still incharge and makes the rules -- not you. So, it does you no goodto argue or complain. Better to just line up with God insteadof fighting against His plan. Besides, in reality God's waysare perfect, it is just that we are often too immature andignorant to understand all God is doing. Scripture has many examples of people pressing in and receivinganswers to prayer. We should never be quitters when it comes toprayer. It is God's will to answer your prayers. He is the One who toldyou to pray. God actually delights in answering your prayers. (Never forget that God loves you more than you can imagine. Godloves you more than He loves Himself, and proved it by dying inyour place, so you could go free.) "Then why are there so many delays?" There is an enemy, the devil, who hates you and is against youreceiving your answer from God. Second, some prayers involve other people, and God does notforce people to do His will, but works with them patiently sothey can see and do the right thing willingly. This takes time. Third, there are things that God is working in you while youare persevering in prayer. God's plan is for you to grow upspiritually. God wants to enlarge your faith and encourage youto develop a closer relationship with Him. If every answeralways came immediately, would you really press in and spendtime drawing closer to God and studying His Word? Don't despair in prayer. Keep on praying in faith as long asyou are praying according to God's Word. A delay, even a verylong one, does not mean that God is saying no to your request. SAY THIS: I will not give up in prayer.

Un-GF Demeanors

I am no self-confessed intellectual being but my friends say I am. I would not be in my status right now if I am not 'ahead' of the rest, they believe. But who cares about being intellectual if your emotional quotient is... errrr... below average! I had a recent conversation with a friend from college and he blatantly told me that "Medyo mahina yung EQ talaga ng mga intellectually endowed na mga tao." Ehem, he was talking and referring to me. Hahaha. It was supposedly a witty discussion and we ended up laughing about ourselves. Intellectually endowed, huh?! From there on, I started enumerating my Top 5 bopol efforts, call it an un-girlfriend demeanors (not in order), when it comes to my relationship, to his unbelievable delight. Yes Patrick, I did these and I am so sorry, you know that: 1.) I made him cry, so many, many times and it is always my fault. 2.) I tagged him along with me in the province but did not have the chutzpah to introduce him to my father. Instead, I asked him to leave the province ahead, not even giving him the chance to step in my house. 3.) I made him do the laundry with me, leaving his hand inflamed (super ouch when I imagine it) with detergent rashes. His mom NEVER asked her to do laundry. 4.) I give up on him so easily when I'm angered with little things even if it does not concern him. I lash him with words that not even a fed up mother would tell his son. 5.) I say I trust him and then take it back. And then tell him I don't think I can trust him anymore. Unforgivable! But only a heart like his could endure such sufferings I CAUSED. Only his loving heart. Now the torments are with me. I feel so sorry. You know that, Pat. He made me realize what a nasty girlfriend I made out of myself. It's a shame. The realization is sinking in to me now. And yeah, Pat, I can pull through. Thanks.

On Trusting and Being Trusted

“To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.” -- George MacDonald Of all the quotes I run through the net, I singled out this quote with which I would say I'm more... attached. Trust has always been an issue with me. Ask my friends, my suitors, my family, and especially so my boyfriend. No matter how much I try to convince other people that I trust them, bizarrely, I'm acting like I don't. So I'm trying to reflect now that I'm writing something about TRUST (which I dreaded doing). Reflect. Reflect. I have this crooked principle that I try not to trust other people basically to protect myself. Look around. It's a big, treacherous world. What more could be looming than this world eating up on you because you trusted? Inch by inch, until nothing more is left of you. Such a pessimistic view I know. But don't you think I'm making a point here? I believed in this unpleasantness until somebody made me realize that trusting is a twin act of loving that rather gives you that liberating feeling. I came to realize this after so much tribulation that I went through with him, my boyfriend -- this person that I'm supposed to love and yes, more importantly to him, trust. It was always a recurring issue. Whenever arguments arise between us, I tell him I could not trust him anymore for such pain he's causing me. But did I ever trust him in the first place? Did I ever believe in his ability to handle things between us? Did I ever listen to what he has to say or propose to do? Or did I only entrust everything about our relationship to myself after all these years because I simply do not trust him? I deprived him of that one valuable compliment (which George said is even greater than to be loved) he deserves as my partner -- to be trusted. The pain is scaring the core of my heart intensely I only wanted to protect myself only to realize that I'm already torn apart because I was not trusting him. In the same way, I was not fully aware that I am eventually pushing him away from me. It did not occur to me that his detachment would bring much severe and intolerable pain. It's torture. This is a sad confession. But I still recognize his efforts in struggling to gain my trust even if it means hurting himself or losing himself. That's how much he loves me. He painstakingly demonstrated to me how to trust despite my wrongs. He showed me how it feels to be trusted. I only get to recognize them now. And I hope it's not all too late. If my sorry would not suffice, I guess I'm bound to suffer the consequences. I learned, by heart. I should trust you in the same way that you trust me too.

Banged!

No, not the gunshot but that sudden, strange feeling that hits into you when you think you're all focused doing something. That unwelcomed feeling that would purposely get you off track the moment it strikes you. So bang. Bang! That company's number is flashing on and off my hushed phone. Picked it up, careful not to be vulgar about what the caller and I will be talking about (I'm in the office, crap.). "Hello, Ms. Beth." She said hello back. I was silent the whole time she was discussing the job offer over the phone. Uh-uh. I just can't say a thing about it when my boss is just behind me. With still my polite nerves intact, I told her I would just return her call or send her an email before lunch. I was seriously considering the job offer, but being one-man short in the current company I'm in, I decided not to grab it. Then Bang! I try to concentrate on my chores after that call but it haunts me like I could not finish a sentence in my email. And so it was, not a call or an email from me before or even after lunch. I know I was so bad! Another Bang! So we're OK now. We're talking. We're holding hands. We're kissing, exchanging endearing words like before. But Bang! Not really. There it hit me. I would have to give him the time of his life to realize how much I love him so he could love me the same way before. I was determined to show him how I value this relationship we have right now. That even in adversity, I would stay. I would not give up. Just when I thought I was already decisive to do this, bang, I felt fear. That fear thumps in my heart still. But something larger than fear is telling me I should trust him. I know in my heart now that trust is the only shield I could bear to protect me from hurting, confusion, and several other bangs. Trust in the Lord and trust in the person I dearly love.

How Do Broken Hearts Heal?

It was a terrible nightmare. I could still hear my heart throbbing in disbelief. Yes, because it was real. It happened so quickly, I could not separate the bad dream from reality. Why has this happened to me? I know God has a better purpose. Sadly though, I loved deeply and fallen so fast, so hard, it hurts. Most of my friends say I don't deserve a guy like him. They know how faithful I am in love and they said I deserve the one who's equally faithful if not more. A part of my being would like to believe so. But this other part is still hopeful of what my love for him can do. I, the tough lady who bat greater challenges in the past, suddenly a weakling? Well, in this case, maybe it will take two to tango. For what use is my being a love warrior if the person I'm fighting for is not willing to come back? What use is this love with nobody more to share? For more than two years, we made it through the joys and blues of our relationship. In a sudden weird twist of things, two years took a night to say the relationship requires a month or so of rest. Rest for good, maybe. Two years of hearty laughters and painful tears into one eager morning of a decision to rethink things over like everything was wrong from the start. Two years of togetherness into a few late nights with somebody else. Two years of my faithfulness into telling me you and her have a lot to share. Two years of my life in you, with you, for you and now yours with her. Time is no exact measure of how much you love another person, I know. But where did two years, seven months and six days of only us bring you? What have you left behind for me? I'm scarred. I was not prepared for this. So could anyone tell me how do broken hearts heal?

The Love Told

How I sang with glee when you told me of your love A love I could only always dream of A promise of togetherness, our hearts combined But when the love shattered, what else will be mine? How do I even recognize which were the ones I compromised? When the tears are making it impossible to synthesize. How do I put together these torn, painful pieces? If each time I do, I miss your warming kisses. Never thought we' d come this closer To this point I feared further. What assuring words would be left to say? If the love you told me could not even make you stay. ccvf -- 2:16 P.M. April 17, 2008

Complexity of Me

Complete though not perfect Beaten but not a failure Wounded but now healed Tired but never will surrender Believed and guided Loved and loving

You Love Yourself (revised edition of U Love U)

"Learning to love yourself is the greatest love all." - From Greatest Love All Now that sounds really narcistic. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Apparently, the line is not synonymous to sacrifice, is it? If you learned to love others, you forget about yourself up to the extreme point of self-loathing. Love makes people blind to their own needs thinking more of satiating their loved one’s. But you see, in economics, wants and needs are insatiable. So why bother? But then again, loving someone brings you back to sacrifice. Just simply worrying over whether you hurt your loved one gives you anxiety. You eat less so she could eat more. You stay up late to check on her sick stomach each ticking hour. You would wish to share with her painful loads or take it wholly from her. You would say you would do that in an ‘always’ frequency. And how frequent is always? How long before the intensity of sacrifice subsides? Nobody could really tell. After all, if machines break down, people get tired even more. And then the ultimate line saying ‘Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all’ prevails. There’s no point denying that. You love yourself. Love can do wonders and so you can do too. Just get real.

For Karen

Life is a joke, i would usually hear her say whenever we trace the familiar path leading to the church. It used to be her mantra during our prayer-afternoons after class in college. One of that afternoons, when i thought she would make a pivotal change of point of view about what to her is life, she cried hard. It was the first time I saw her cry. And then i thought maybe she realized life after all is not a joke. I was mistaken. In between tears, she would sob and shortly laugh and utter, ‘See, aren’t all these things a joke?’ I could only stare at her, stunned out of confusion or terror. For about a few seconds I thought she was going insane but she assured me she isn’t as if reading my mind. Then and there she shared that while we struggle in our present life, we could sit still and look back at the past. If our seemingly successful or unvictorious present life is a result of the steps we made back then, stop for a while and laugh. It was a healthy idea. Laugh at what brought us in our current situation. Laugh at our attempts, our cowardice, our accidents, our mistakes. Everything is but a joke. The events of our lives are jokes that are cast one by one. They have been laid out even before you could decipher where they lead you to. So carry on, go with the flow, laugh and live a healthy life! And oh, one of my life’s jokes is meeting Karen.

Basahan

Ang basahan mo, maaring damit na ng iba. Biruin mo, sa dami ba naman ng damit na minamanufacture sa mundo bawat taon, bawat season, o bawat nais lang maglabas ng trend ng mga fashion designers pati mga imitators, aba, ndi kaya matabunan na tayo ng damit? Pero bakit marami pa rin ang nakahubo at namamalikarot (thanks for the term sir Mon) sa ginaw dahil walang suot? Tsk, tsk, tsk. May garage sale malapit sa opisina. Hindi pinalagpas ng kasama ko ang pagkakataong ito. Tama nga naman, makakamura ka na, hindi pa kailangan pumila sa counter sa panahong gaya ngayon — Christmas rush. Hindi rin ako nakapagpigil. Sa simula’y patingin-tingin lang ako. Di nagtagal, nakikihalungkat na rin ako ng mga pwedeng bumagay at gamitin ko, but take note, way below the budget. Ukay-ukay ang mas mainam na tawag dun. Bingo! May nakita akong maong na jacket. Hindi na masama. Maganda. May nakuha din kasama ko, isang blouse na ‘cute’. Gusto ko rin sya at di na sya nag-atubiling bilhin. Regalo pala nya sa akin. Magkano? Two items for PhP120. WOOOOWWW!!! Hahaha. Isipin mo. Halos ipamigay na ng iba pero pinapatulan pa rin. Basahan na halos nila pero may presyo pa. Ang iba, hanggang hanga lang sa may bintana. Meron dyan walang saplot. Ang marami, basahan ang suot.

Tiyaga Lang

I remember my professor saying that to me in one of our chat conversations. And it hit me this much to write a blog about it because of my highschool bestfriend’s sentiment about not earning money as she desires. I could feel for her. She’s a wanna-be nurse, and a promising at that. We know nurses COULD earn a lot and i say they are one of the highly-regarded professionals in the developed countries. Unlike here in our country, we could only sympathize for them. No wonder many of them eyes the greener pastures. Our country has the cattle but no green grass to chew. Sigh. Going back to my friend’s sentiment, I guess her loved ones are just in a hurry to gain something from her. There’s much expectations from her. Pity to the likes of her. Pity to me too. It is not easy to be rich (with pretty good excuse from the noveu riche). It’s just much-added pressure to someone like her — someone striving and surviving. So how do we resolve things? Please, dear loved ones, TIYAGA LANG. Whew! Didn’t imagine a plain, single advice could be very useful. So you see, TIYAGA LANG addresses the prob. But I would feel even better if we keep this in mind (quoting my brother): "Work smarter, not harder."

Who Wants A Scrub?

Whose song was that with these lyrics: "I don't want no scrub..."? Oh yeah, TLC. This song surely contains this feeling i so want to burst out! What is a scrub anyway? "A scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me... And a scrub is checkin' me but his game is kinda weak.. And I know he can't approach me cause I"m looking like class and he's looking like trash..." (No Scrub by TLC) Sigh. I feel a little sulking over what i just realized. It was a total waste of time. I have spoiled hankies and tissue rolls for a nonstop pour of sorrowful tears. I consumed glasses of rich choco sundae and crispy fries and a plateful of pansit miko-bihon as immediate relievers for insanely thinking about my depressed state of being a wrenched quasi-dumpee! This is the classic case of a frustrated lover... almost there but not really. That scrub, the culprit. Oh well, since i've wasted so much time thinking of loving him (wow, i almost made him rich), enough with this. I don't want no scrub. And i definitely doesn't want that bloating couch potato! (Ahaha... i still sounded bitter.) =(