Mind-Bogglers For Today

It was an ordinary morning for me, traversing the usual roads going to the office when suddenly, Ting! I was chanting these lines from a song: "I'm a big, big girl in a big, big world. It's not a big, big thing if you leave me. But I do feel that I will miss you much, miss you much. -- Emilia" And suddenly I stopped short, wait, EMILIA? Whoa! What is going on inside my mind? What must have it been sorting out without me knowing it? The lyrics of the song is meaningful, in the same way that the acronym of E.M.I.L.Y for me is quite uniquely meaningful. Yeah. Ask Mav. But why, oh why, did it come to me again?! These things -- mysteries.

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At work. At first I was having fun proofreading the 9 modules assigned to me. I was confident it would be just a breeze considering how these modules pass through the hands of one of our training consultants. But then again, when I saw the inconsistencies, the incoherence, the S-V disagreements -- I want to apparate! Can somebody fix this as an example for me:

"The blue connector at the end is where the monitor connects to the video card, and the gold contacts on the right are where the video card plugs into the computer's bus."

*****

Welcome to the club! So easy to say such a thing when you encounter a heartbroken person. But the tears, ah! It's a different story altogether. I hate to see my friend's face smudged with sorrowful tears. Especially when just days ago they were happily enjoying the beach, the 'fun and togetherness' (thanks Anna!). And after seriously considering how things were in the past, the verdict was cast: Let's call it off. Guys with all balls and no bats! How could he? What else could he possibly ask for when his GF (now ex) is the most loyal and loving (next to me) GF I could imagine?

I cannot afford to name names first. I have to wait for my friend for her official broadcast. No clues whatsoever. I have enough of mind-boggling matters today, my dear readers. Find this out for yourself. Katrina Halili is out of here.

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My friend will be ordained as priest this Saturday along with two others. Hooray! And he called me up yesterday to back his psalmist up in a duet. Anything for you. Oh wait, not without any favor in return! Supposedly, just supposedly, I get married anytime next year, he has to be there to preside or co-preside somehow. Right, right. Nice deal. Let me revise that a bit. No expirations please.

*****

I was given this remark today by a pseudo-colleague: "You're too cute to be ignored. Only fools ignore you (or blind)." I responded: "That's given." However, I was struck at how friends would give such remarks sincerely. Are they really?

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Rev. Marco, I would like to personally thank you for the food (hahaha) that you unselfishly committed to give us for our not-so-planned swimming this Saturday night. God bless you a hundredfolds! Note: There's still time to back out. I am so a devil's advocate. >:)

*****

It's the death anniversary of Richard Valiant Correa tomorrow. :( I miss the boy. I miss you pal.

Quarter-Life Crisis Creeps On

Whatever you are, you make me feel really anxious! I am on my way to something but I am not certain towards what. I feel so lost -- career, relationship, finances, happiness, self-worth. Most people would tell me to do the things I am happy doing. But how could I when I am not really sure what makes me happy? Or if the things that made me happy then would make me happy 2 or 3 years from now? I'm very much afraid of the future. I have been feeling this way a few weeks back, and it's taking much longer to leave. No matter how much I try not to dwell in it, no matter how much I believe I am over it, it's just somewhere inside me -- buried but apparently always ready to resurface. I have been praying a lot lately. My asking for assistance may have put me to sleep soundly for most nights but when I wake up struggling with myself whether to go to work or not, this culprit makes me groping for strength to face the day. And it is becoming a habit, a scary habit. I fear the future. I fear my life now. If it's bad to wish that I sleep tonight and never again wake up after so-so hours, I'm sorry. But I guess I just did. God, please bless me.

April's My Mosts

For several times I would push myself to post an entry here in my blog. And in the same frequency, I would cite many silly reasons not to write, not to bother. Apparently, it's the strangest thing about me. Me? Not blogging? It has been nearly a month since my last post and I'm single! (Meaning, blogging for me is as significant as having a boyfriend. And, as in the property of displacement, I cannot do both at the same time and with equal passion. Hahaha.) Until now. In the span of time that this blog did not don yet another entry, so many things have happened to me. So many, I lost count and the eagerness to name them all. With options of which my 'most memorable' ones are, here's to give you an idea on what:

1. Most mournful - Lu's death last April 21. However we anticipate that her passing would come, I personally did not expect it would come so soon. Not when I have not bought myself the last book of the Twilight Saga and let her read it to kill her time while waiting for 'the call'. I so miss her. I have been trying to upload the video tribute we made for her but to no avail. The size is just too big I have to chop it to two parts. But the project just gives me the heavy heart and unstoppable tears each time I attempt to do it. 2. Most tiresome - Lipat-bahay. No Gatorade or Alaxan FR (spare me the brabalibintawan chantings, please) would relieve me of the muscle pains. We (just me and another flatmate) started transferring our things (by 'our' I mean there are 7 people owning those things) at 8 AM. I was down at 3 PM, crawling toward the bed with knees shaking and muscles so sore. I now believe that even Superman rests every 30 minutes up, up and away. So why didn't I think of that? And then all I needed was a really long, sound sleep to return to being 'human.' 3. Most productive - Two-trainings at a time. Huh, well, not really very impressive but it's a milestone (for Flintstone's era -- just playing). Kudos EITSC! 4. Most miserable - Do you get that feeling when you want to do something for someone really special and you have no means to because well, the universe does not want to cooperate?! Argh! Terrible. It was like your insides are being squeezed tight and you feel helpless. And in my most sane self I would utter, 'The best is yet to come.' But another voice would want to shout, 'Yeah right!'