If You're Not the One

I'm posting the lyrics of 'If You're Not the One' by Daniel Bedingfield. But I like Nikki Gil's rendition more, coming from a female's point of view. This song makes me miss Allan all the more, and still stay in love with him.

IF YOU'RE NOT THE ONE If you’re not the one then why does my soul feel glad today? If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way? If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call? If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all

I never know what the future brings But I know you are here with me now We’ll make it through And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am? Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don’t need you then why am I crying on my bed? If I don’t need you then why does your name resound in my head? If you’re not for me then why does this distance maim my life? If you’re not for me then why do I dream of me as your wife? I don’t know why you’re so far away But I know that this much is true We’ll make it through And I hope you are the one I share my life with And I wish that you could be the one I die with And I pray in you’re the one I build my home with I hope I love you all my life

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am Is there any way that I can stay in your arms? ‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today ‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right And though I can’t be with you tonight And know my heart is by your side I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

*****

And of course the video I made as my birthday gift for myself. Thank You, Lord. For everything. You always know what's best. :)

*****

Thanks to Ms. Ree for the couple-caricature I used here. I miss the Ria-Jason tandem. :(

My 27th on the 27th

SMS birthday greetings an hour after midnight (Jerico) an SMS two hours later from another (Mac) and still more SMS that welcomed my eyes in daylight (Mama and Sir Jacoba) 2 missed calls from an unknown caller (Allan) consecutive SMS from darling sissies from the ministry (Glenys, Tine and Liway) facebook greetings (too many of them) SMS greetings from my next employer next year (yeah!) another SMS from an unknown sender who i thanked anyway cousins thoughtful greetings coming in (there's just too many of them too) friendly greetings from luzon, visayas and mindanao (wow!) instant messages popping up (Edward, Ferdie, Eboy, Mabel and Junlee) german volunteer remembered my birthday (wow too!) former colleagues (RBAP & IIEE peeps) the anticipated call after office (finally) but i was wishing we could have talked more. frustrating. this is harder than i thought. Happy birthday to me, nonetheless. Thank you Lord! If these are everything that would happen today, it would still be a good day. I am blessed!

Missing Him

Just that. I miss him terribly, my Allan. :'( I could not say more than that.

So Close No Matter How Far

Yes, kami na. How did it happen? I don't know. I just heard him whisper in my ear "I love you and Im coming back for you." in the car and I just said "Thank you." The next thing, he was kissing the back of my hand and hugging me real tight saying, "Arrrghh, I dont wanna go." And I being the angel, keeps on saying, "No you have to go or you'll lose your job." That was Sunday night, while we were on our way home from his uncle's big house. I was not really able to absorb his ILY declaration because I know, minutes after, I will be facing a greater ordeal: introducing him to my father. Kaya di ba ang ganda ng sagot ko: Thank you? Hahahaha. Wala sa sarili. Then siguro nakahalata sya that I was not being myself, he asked "Is your dad home by this time?" I looked at him and answered, "Yes, I believe so." Tapos natahimik sya. "Is it alright if I meet him now? I will tell him why it took us this late." (By late he meant 6:00 pm. Heheheh). I said, "Ahh... maybe." Pero syempre, kahit wala ako sa sarili ko, wala na din naman ako nagawa kundi ang pababain sya and let him do the explaining. Nung inintroduce ko sya, my father was busy scanning the TV for some good watch. So humarap lang sa kanya ang Papa ko para iacknowledge ang presence nya then back to the TV ang eyes ng matanda! Ang suplado! Grabe. Kinakabahan ako, big time! Then he started explaining that there was a party sa house nila kaya na-late kami ng uwi (again, 6pm pa lang nun) pero di sya pinapansin ni Papa and Mama comes to the rescue saying "No, no, it's okay." I looked at my mum's expression and I think I could interpret this instead "You can still take her out until midnight if you like." Para akong binubugaw ng nanay ko. Hahahaha. And my father just scanned channels. Nung nagpapaalam na sya para tumuloy na, congrats ulit kay Allan dahil tinignan lang sya ng tatay ko at balik ulit sa TV ang atensyon. Suplado to the nth power! Hahahah. Then when he left, I heard my mum doing the explaining sa interrogation ng tatay ko. Di pa ako pumasok ng bahay until wala na akong naririnig na diskusyon. Nung pumasok ako sa bahay, deretso ako sa kwarto. At narinig ko ang tatay ko sabi, 'Hindi na ba yun kakain?' Di na ako kumain dahil alam kong masasalang ako sa hot seat. Pagkahiga ko sa kwarto ko, syang tawag ni Allan. Parang ilang minuto lang yun nung magkahiwalay kami. Bungad nya sa phone, "Are you alright? Did I get you into trouble with your father? Would you like me to come back?" Ano ba?! Andaming tanong. Sabi ko, "I'm okay. He's settled now. At least I got over the hard first stage of introducing you to him." Sabi nya, "Are you sure? I'm worried. I love you." Hmmm, medyo nakahinga na ako nang maluwag kaya walang alinlangan at pakundangan ko syang sinagot: "I love you back." He was saying some other things pero I did not really mind. Nasa isip ko lang nun after I told him I love him eh kami na. At kami na nga. Syang tunay! Makabawi man lang sa wala-sa-sarili kong sagot earlier na 'Thank you.' Ampangit di ba?! It was 630pm, 8th of November, when I put the phone down, still in a dreamy mood.

*****

He left me something to keep. He left me his late father's necklace with the St. Luke and St. Christopher pendants. His late father gave it to him before he died. Creepy noh? Mamaya bigla hilain ng tatay nya sa akin 'to!

At kung malinaw-linaw pa ang pag-iisip ko (because when he was saying these things eh nabablock ng kaba sa pagmemeet nila ng tatay ko yung mind ko), nasabi din nya that he will come back in May to properly talk to my father for some arrangements. I asked, 'What arrangement?' And he said, I wanted to propose to you properly. And I said, 'Ah.' (Don't you think Im just so smart with my answers?) And he smiled. Ayun muna sa ngayon. Seeing him leave makes me weak. :(