Ang Muling Liham

Nakailang liham na rin si Mav (aka Mab) sa akin. Ni isa, wala pa akong sinasagot nang may pagtitiyaga. Ang mga natataong liham. Hindi ko alam kung paano nyang nararamdaman na wala ako sa sarili ko gayong sarili ko mismo, hindi ko mawari kung nasa wastong pag-iisip pa ba ako o wala na. Kahit bihira pa kaming magkita. Kung may babaeng Bob Ong sa buhay ko, si Mav na siguro yun. Isang 21-year old na animo'y dalubhasa sa usaping pag-ibig, sa madamdaming talakayan. Narito ang katibayan, isang hapong di ko inaasahan. Isang liham na nagpabuhos sa aking mga luha, mahirap pigilan.

Tinao,

Time doesn't guarantee love. May mga pagkakataon na kahit ang tagal tagal nyo nang magkasama at nasa isang relasyon, nauuwi din sa wala. Mayroon din naman na sandali mo palang siya nakakasama pero alam mong sya na talaga. Wala yun sa tagal o sa bilis.

Pag mas lalo mong hinahanap mas lalo itong magtatago mula sayo. Mas pinipilit mo, mas lalong hindi mapapasaiyo.

Right timing. Hindi dahil nahuhuli ka na o feeling mo dapat magsettle down ka na, magpapapressure ka na. Don't invest on things if you don't intend to keep it forever.

Mahirap maginvest sa isang tao. Wag kang papasok sa isang relasyon, dahil gusto mo lang magkaroon ng karelasyon. Bakit ka magiinvest kung hindi mo naman nakikita na sya ang kasama mo sa habang buhay. Waste of time my dear. Wag mong sayangin ang enerhiya mo para sa isang walang kwentang bagay.

Focus. Learn to love what you have.

Be happy. If you are single, be proud. Don't let other people look at you as if you are a loser. At least you own everything you have. Wala kang kahati. You are your own boss.

Enjoy being single. If it takes months or years or whatever, so what. Kasi pag may dumating na at di mo inenjoy ang pagiging single mo, may hahanapin at hahanapin ka sa buhay mo na di mo makita. You will jump from one relation to another. It will not be healthy for you as well as the other person.

Open up. Malay mo he's just around at hinahanap ka din nya. Pero malay mo, hindi pa talaga sya dumadating so be open to possibilities.

Friendship is the stepping stone of a bigger act.

Love. Learn. Stumble. Fall. Rise Up.

I love you Tinao for whoever you are and nothing can change that.

I will always be here for you. No matter what.

Love,

Mab

Salamat, Mav. Mana ka talaga sa akin. Naisulat mo lang, naisip ko rin. Hahahaha. At ito na nga ba ikinakatakot ko. Nahawaan ka na ni JM.

I love you too.

P.S. Mav! I found this photo of us! We were so batchoys then! Guess who took this photo? Guess and you'll have a prize! Hahaha. Go! Yuckkkkeeerrrzzzz....

Laugh All The Way (My Funny Life Series)

Life goes on. And so do the jokes that life plays on you. Just when I thought my life's antics yesterday would be over at my ATM withdrawal attempts, something even trickier than that was waiting for me before my office-day ended. Here it is, in full account. I was tasked to attend the exhibitors' briefing yesterday for the e-Services event slated on February 9 and 10. Of course, I made sure I took note of the important details I have to remember. And being the responsible person I know I am, I stayed until the last question raised by the exhibitors was addressed even if my feet were stomping impatiently under the table, itching to dash off. At 5:45 pm, I felt relief to hear the host wishing us a safe trip home. Clutching my manual and bag in one arm, I ran the door with a smile. The next minute, that long escalator trip was bringing me ten steps away from the landing. And before I have time to backout (not that I planned to), I recognized someone instantly near the landing, talking to someone I took not notice of. When he glanced my way, he gave me that familiar smile, acknowledging my presence. He called my name before I could sshh him. I declared his name back. Kuya Tacky! I must have startled the person he was talking to enough to make him turn around and reiterate my presence. My precious name uttered in surprise would turn heads, I tell you. Another person approached me and gave me a nod while my mind is trying to recall who he is. Nicholas Cage? No, Marvin corrected me: Vladimir. Oh yes. And I knew right then his presence was a clue to something I knew is coming. My former boyfriend was heading towards where we are gathered, his face quite unsure if he was doing the right thing, I can tell. Hahaha. But he did say 'Hi, Tin!' to me, which I answered back with 'Uy, Dick!' and quickly dismissed whatever he was planning to say back by turning to Marvin for a chat. His name sounded funny as I heard myself say it. What do you think? It was my first-ever encounter with my former boyfriend. I was not prepared for this. Or if ever I was preparing for it many times in the past, I forgot how to do it that instant when we were there face to face. Preparation never really helped. It was an entirely different scene from what and how I pictured it to be. No violence. No screaming. No crying. No tension. No drama. Hahaha. I am, after all, not a warfreak! And if there is something I did prove myself I am capable of doing, it's that I HAVE MOVED ON! Yeah! Woohooo with somersaults! I faced him [my former boyfriend] with all-smiles and confidence. It felt like I saw an old friend again. Nothing more. Just tales, no hurt feelings. And did he even ask to take photos of me with my former colleagues! I know he did not mean to show off, but I did know he just got his new D-something Canon camera from his father, whom he paid at a fatherly rate. It was funny that I easily obliged posing before his new lens. Am I a camwhore! I said my goodbyes after a while but he was suddenly not there to bid me farewell back. That was fine though. It did not hurt. I traced my way home like I would not be having chestpains ever again. Kidding. So life, I managed to play around with your jokes again. Bring on! (I hope to post the photos my former boyfriend took if he sends me a copy. Goodluck!?)

My Funny Life

Is life playing jokes on me again? If it is, I am left with no choice but to laugh at its jokes no matter how unoriginal -- like I've been through this several times and laughing is but the natural and ONLY reaction. Resistance is pretty much unwelcome. My life would enjoy playing jokes on me all the more. Let me share with you some playful scenes of my rolling life today. Laugh if you may. I do not know if you could call me unlucky. But then again, here they are.

*****

Life's Joke #1:

As soon as I alighted the jeepney, I headed to the ATM to dig up some cash for the day. I knew that my ATM card has gone nuts the other day but there's no harm trying today, I thought. I slipped in the card and Voila! the machine did not throw it out. Yipee! I took my time keying my desired amount ($$$) and patiently held my palm out to grab the cash. One.Two. Three. Or were there more ticking seconds before I landed my eye on the machine's monitor that read: "This machine cannot dispense cash." Hahaha from my nose. I felt my back stiffen and my shoulder slump. My heart shrieked *&^%$#@!

Life's Joke #2:

Because I am a positive woman, I went straight to the other ATM just fifty steps away (Did I count? You bet!). Wishful is an understatement. I have both hope and fear in my heart. "Please, please, please make my transaction successful" echoed with my feeble steps. I queued. When it was my turn, I blew into my card in case I get lucky. I fed my card, the machine threw up instantly. I tried again. Same lifeless response. The monitor was shouting at me: "I'm sorry. The machine can't read your card." Thanks machine. I really feel so sorry for myself.

*****

Despite feeling sorry for myself though, my hopes are still high that I would soon milk out money from a few sources. Brother, brother, where art thou? So to offset the irkness that's pretty much showing in my face no matter how I tell myself I am still okay, I talked to people online who exchanged instant messages with me graciously. One remarked that I may just be experiencing a 'quarter life crisis.' And boy, am I not alone! Another one thought he might be going through that stage too. I'm human! Woohoo! There's no sense to alienate myself. Wooohoo!

So here's my response to my life's jokes -- throw a joke. Laugh, if you may.

My Joke #1:

I was in the middle of a chat with AA and work (I am so multi-tasking) when Mark (my officemate) popped a question at me:

Mark: Tin, what comes to your mind when you say 'consensus'?

Tin: Uhmm, the majority agrees about a thing. No, there's an agreement, collectively.

Mark: What about 'conflict'?

Tin: Dispute. Disagreement.

Mark: What happens when you combine both?

Tin: Uhmmm, (I took my time) you have a Senate???

Lala was roaring with laughter in the background and Mark could not keep his shoulders from shaking. I was busy chatting.

My Joke #2:

Lala was sharing her motherhood pleasures about Lady (or Ice) being capable of turning herself over at 3 months! I mean, rolling over. And that she can untangle her mittens! Brilliant. I asked which mitten does Lady (or Ice) remove first. Lala said the one in her right hand. And I exclaimed, 'Oh! She's left-hundred!' Lala corrected me in between her laughs, 'Left-handed!'

Argh! I'm thinking of cash again.

Yes! Girl

Yes Man is seen on the screen at the time being. Jim Carrey has to be taught something about being optimistic. Like him, I ought to be taught like that too. I started with a declaration relative to that at the dawn of 2009 that says, "Because I care, I am a responsible and an optimistic woman." In passive or active voice, I just have to remind myself that I AM RESPONSIBLE AND OPTIMISTIC. Until today. 2/3 of my expected participants did not appear for my highly-anticipated first training of the year due to various reasons. I know I should be responsible for their absence. I did do my job in calling them up and reminding them then and again about today's schedule. I am responsible and I guess they're not. I wanted to say I was just kidding in assuming that but there's something inside me that I guessed just right. And what is there to be optimistic about this? Their absence means my weakness, my failure. Lala said, it maybe a sign for some improvement, some more effort. (Yeah right, Lala.) I say it's a sign I should submit my resignation. Waaaaahhhh!!! But then again, I thought of how I started my day today. I woke up really in the mood for some positive actions. The positivity might have radiated outwardly enough to catch a jogger's attention on my way to the rail when he uttered inches from my ears, "Good morning, Miss." with a smile. Or is he just a maniac? And did I greet the guard at the lobby with much vibrancy that he returned me a salute? I was raring to pursue with this training that I think I lifted 5 liters of water contained in that boiler to heat. I took pleasure in feeling the rays of the rising sun streaking through the computer laboratory. Aaahhh!!! I even imagined absorbing positive energies. It continued to seeing a new friend online this morning and a chance to chat with him briefly but meaningfully (huh?!). It was a lovely day in the beginning. Then, why oh why did it turn out to be like this? Is it me or just the way I react to how things behave before me? Rannie said it may be 'Monday morning sickness'. Argh! Yeah, it's just me AND the way I react to how things transpire before me, I surmise. My pessimistic attitude is slithering back, I'm afraid. But hey, just before I find my sloppy mind elsewhere scattered, some good friends' efforts are trying to keep it intact. When I can't remind myself to remain composed and chill out, they did it for me. Shit happens, so they say. So Yes! I'm wiping the shit away. (I'm playing Monty Python's "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" again. Does this bring me luck? Ooops, think positive!)

Quick Blog

I have exactly 5 remaining minutes to post this entry. Wow! Call that spontaneous. I don't know what to write, what to put. It doesn't matter to me now if I put here nonsense, or my construction is grammatically wrong. I just felt this urge to post something under such circumstance - pressured! Woohoo! I feel like running doing this. Haha! Okay, 4 minutes more. The timer is creeping! Somebody is talking to me and I could only say "uhum," unsure whether it's timely to say that while he still speaks. I am not sure if my "uhum" is agreeing or dismissing. I can't grab everything he is saying. I really don't care. So there. I wish everybody a happy weekend. Oh, yeah! I feel this way because I'm going home once again. Pangasinan gives me the adrenalin rush! Hahaha. So long! One minute for shutdown. Haha!

Thrills and Chills

January 6, 2008. Thrills: 1. The Arrival. 'He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is so back!' shouted my YM status. Three (3, yes!) persons ringed me to bring me the good news. And some rueful declarations too that my news bearers were kissed by him and I, well, was to wait for some miracles to experience just that. My Most Desirable Guy has arrived. Welcome back! 2. The Visit. 30-minutes-before-5:00 pm was the most magical period that ever occurred to me at EITSC. He came in the office discreetly. I was not surprised at all to see him (thanks for the warnings from J., A., and M.). But if I were imagining things, I thought I saw him glowing while he sauntered to the "off limits" area of the office. It must be his smile -- a beacon to a frustrated soul named Tintin. 3. The Kiss. He held out his arms. I was not really sure if he was gesturing me to hug him, but I did stood and advanced toward him anyway to greet him. Then, quickly and simply, he moved his head to kiss my very lucky right cheek. I hope the kiss did not leave any embarrassing mark of fascinating scarlet all over my face because I felt hot. Not that I did not like it. I was swept away in fact, and was casted a freezing spell soon after! I was nailed in place for several seconds. And if my gestures may have not put me in great shame, I think my words did. I damned myself when I uttered, "That was nice." I claim no certainty what the statement was for. Maybe because he IS a nice guy, it was a nice kiss, or it was nice to see him again or all of these. 4. The News. Sad but not bad. He's moving in the Philippines and will live with his girlfriend. Like he cares if I knew. Not my business. I could only be happy for him. Chills: 1. The Video. Life of Brian DVD. Shallow humor but it made my night right. 2. The Song. Always look on the brighter side of life. *whistle* Always look on the right side of life. *whistle* 3. The SMS. How easy will it be to unlove the person you love? Tell me.

Checkmate

For several minutes, the cursor stared back at me lazily. It’s as if it is reading my thoughts and calculating my next move, certain as its blinking that it would take me longer to think of an idea to write about. Not that I’m thoughtless. In fact, I have so many thoughts in mind that I do not know which to pick even at random. Just like the cursor, I may be feeling lazy at all. ‘Just anything under the sun,’ I say to myself. But ‘just anything’ is as sensible as the phrase’s permutation. You do the math. I could go on and on discussing how my two-week long vacation has gone so far. I could only remember warming up at home for almost 24 hours just twice. So if I was not home, I was out for the caroling, attending dawn mass, singing at weddings of who-knows whose, visiting relatives and friends, drinking and bonding with the members of the OLLYM, or just re-reading my Christmas Mystery book. After the longest time (more than two years) of not doing these things on my own, I feel like everything is just natural and effortless. I am sure there are countless changes on how things were two years back. Not counting the changes I saw within myself. But my adaptation was merely easy. I fit in like the last missing piece of a puzzle now that I’m back home, back to church service, back to seeing my friends and loved ones, and back to welcoming new friends too. So what am I to write about? It feels right and unright at the same time -- having to think idly of something but ending up writing nonsense. At least, that's what I think. Ahhh!!! I was busy most of the times, I tried to keep myself busy and I somehow feel successful and productive. I went with the flow, so to speak. Now that I'm starting my year anew, how to? I try to think really hard. Plan out. Strategize. But is it really necessary? One strong move to start and before you realize, another year has gone by. But what am I saying? I entrust everything to the Lord now. So often, He lets me win with my heart's delight. Sometimes, I think He allows me to feel how to lose to gain a victorious heart. If you know what I mean. And if I do things on my own like I can control things, I become discontented, frustrated, not winning nor losing. Dull. Stalemate.