Checkmate

For several minutes, the cursor stared back at me lazily. It’s as if it is reading my thoughts and calculating my next move, certain as its blinking that it would take me longer to think of an idea to write about. Not that I’m thoughtless. In fact, I have so many thoughts in mind that I do not know which to pick even at random. Just like the cursor, I may be feeling lazy at all. ‘Just anything under the sun,’ I say to myself. But ‘just anything’ is as sensible as the phrase’s permutation. You do the math. I could go on and on discussing how my two-week long vacation has gone so far. I could only remember warming up at home for almost 24 hours just twice. So if I was not home, I was out for the caroling, attending dawn mass, singing at weddings of who-knows whose, visiting relatives and friends, drinking and bonding with the members of the OLLYM, or just re-reading my Christmas Mystery book. After the longest time (more than two years) of not doing these things on my own, I feel like everything is just natural and effortless. I am sure there are countless changes on how things were two years back. Not counting the changes I saw within myself. But my adaptation was merely easy. I fit in like the last missing piece of a puzzle now that I’m back home, back to church service, back to seeing my friends and loved ones, and back to welcoming new friends too. So what am I to write about? It feels right and unright at the same time -- having to think idly of something but ending up writing nonsense. At least, that's what I think. Ahhh!!! I was busy most of the times, I tried to keep myself busy and I somehow feel successful and productive. I went with the flow, so to speak. Now that I'm starting my year anew, how to? I try to think really hard. Plan out. Strategize. But is it really necessary? One strong move to start and before you realize, another year has gone by. But what am I saying? I entrust everything to the Lord now. So often, He lets me win with my heart's delight. Sometimes, I think He allows me to feel how to lose to gain a victorious heart. If you know what I mean. And if I do things on my own like I can control things, I become discontented, frustrated, not winning nor losing. Dull. Stalemate.