My Kind of Halloween

October 31 I found myself comfortably lying on my bed, with my newly purchased book atop my face, after what seemed to be a 7-hour processional from Manila to Pangasinan. Tell you what, I never hit my target of getting home early despite my haste efforts to disappear from the office premises the moment the clock chimed 12:00 noon. It was a disappointment - my long, inconvenient trip. I was grateful, nevertheless, to reach HOME again. Ah! I always knew home is where the heart is but somehow, I managed to inflict a masochistic case of amnesia on myself some time ago when I thought I already knew where my heart was. I was damn, terribly wrong. Hahaha! I am now making amends. It's the time of the year again when various scary ghost stories resurface like they were especially reserved to be told only now -- just for the thrill of it. And for some reasons, these scary ghost stories become vivid again and again during this time even if you heard of them more than twice before. It was like seeing the Titanic movie (guess how many times I saw it), only with the goosebumps. So I think it is never irrational to believe in ghosts as I do. Not during this time of the year when ghost believers like me come out of the closet like homosexuals at night. I have never seen a single ghost, and would not want to have the heart to come face-to-face with one -- because I don't think my heart would stay in place if I chance at one. Scary. The night is a pitch darker here in the province on a Friday night than in Manila (where my neighbors bore my eyes with lit CFL that could penetrate even the thickest of my curtains all night long). And did I hear the dogs growl? I glanced at the clock. Fifteen minutes past eleven. Hmm, not bad. I'm nearly cutting half the thickness of this book I'm engrossed reading. A while ago, somebody SMSed me and I responded very briefly to tell him I'm reading so if I may just text him the following morning. He did not seem to understand and asked impatiently what the book was. I declared the title: TWILIGHT. (I can see some eyes ogling. Hahaha!) He just said, "Hmp," and I think I interpreted it as "Fine." And I reclaimed my oh-so-precious time for reading. The book, yes. How timely. A night that is transitioning to midnight with growling dogs in the background and I, the crow in the fields that is easily scared away, am reading a novel on VAMPIRES. At one point it hit me, 'Am I reading this book in the right place at the right time?' Not that I was thinking any vampire would lurk in Brgy. Magtaking (Please, please don't make a vampire read my blog.), but yes, my brain did process the thought. The windows in my room are tightly closed, I'm certain. But vampires can penetrate walls, I theorized. It was a struggle having to opt to put the book down and retire or continue my close-to-climax reading and disregard time. Hours ago, I had this rare condition when my heart and mind agreed on one thing: start reading the book. And now it's fading away, it's breaking my heart (like the last time. Hahaha!). I can't get enough of the characters. I wanted to pursue reading but my mind is telling me I should take a rest -- like the 7-hour trip was not enough reason to. I gave up the desire of my heart and listened to my mind. It is, most of the time, right and beneficial. I clicked off the lights and hurried to my bed, forcibly closing my eyes. Two-folds: to encourage myself to sleep and avoid seeing unnecessary things at the foot of my bed. Nyay. No more vampire thoughts, I urged myself. I switched to pleasant thoughts like church service in the morning. That sedated me and lulled me to sleep. November 1 Ugh. I can hear the rooster's morning cry. I have always thought it has difficulty getting up in the morning too that it has to shriek like that. It must be hard being a rooster. But thanks to it, I was reminded to get up early without using my 'very reliable' phone. Humor me. I glanced at my phone. Whoa. It has its funny times. Reminder: Sarene's Birthday. Great. Only the sad fact that I was not reminded to get her number. So I blew my greetings out with my morning breath. Ewww. "Happy Birthday cutee Sarene. Stay, uhmm, a baby." In 30 minutes' time, I was up and ready to go. It is drizzling outside and I suddenly miss my book still beside my pillow. If it is made of magnet, I really don't know. But the next 10 minutes I was busy reading it again until my mother called out that I'm going to be late for the Mass if I didn't leave at once. I obliged, with the thought of having her responsible for raising a bookish daughter. I left home and made it just in time before the 2nd Mass. I was even able to sell candles and help in the enlisting of those requesting (was that the term?) for petition mass. I just hope they won't run short. Hahaha! My cashiering skill is levelling low with too many people asking for change, scissors, pen, paper, candles, and my name (?)! Regie came to rescue me when the Mass was about to start. I washed my hand quickly. After the Mass, we went straight to Salasa cemetery. I bought five white long candles with the Our Lady of Manaoag sticker. I lighted three for my grandfather, grandmother, and 2 uncles (there were four of them in three graves) and the other two I lighted for two other distant relatives. Hours or so of lingering in the cemetery made me realize two things: that I only get to visit the graves at this time of the year and I'm afraid my loved ones would do the same thing to me if I was gone. Sad. Really. So my prayer for my dead loved ones goes with an apology and a promise of some sort that I will try to visit their graves more than once if I could. (But of course I could.) In the afternoon, I did the same thing for my grandfather and uncle-in-law whose graves are in the Lingayen cemetery. I also dropped by Richard Valiant's and oh, how I so miss the guy. :( Come night, we had a drinking session at Boc's place. I don't drink. I just sing. So I had the microphone all by myself. Hahaha. November 2 Sunday service! Plus, Fr. Boc is blessing the November birthday celebrants so I want to count myself in. Who would not want to be blessed? I don't want to run late attending the Mass. Goal! Trick or treat is not our kind of thing so the Youth Ministry ates and kuyas gathered together with Fr. Boc for Round 2 of the same session last night. And there was singing too! I can't let the mic go! But Fr. Boc had a chance with it. And so did Regie, Mac, Joepearl (fun to duet with), Boc, and Johannes a.k.a. Juan (who by the way had the most number of thrilled fans). The drinking and singing meant so much to me but nothing beats the company they share with you even without words. Kampay is enough for an assuring gesture, I guess. I would want to do away with the tears for the night but I could not help myself. With them, it's okay to pour out my heart, something I missed the most! Even the spookiest experience I had in the past does not make them think less of me. Sometimes I think they know me better than I do with myself.

So we separated ways at around 11 p.m. I feel so grateful to have this kind of Halloween this year. No more fears. No more ghosts of the past. No more worrying of sickening people that seem to haunt me every now and then. There's more to my life than miserably saving my ass out of a nonsense (said Mac), non-existing pit I jumped into, a grave that never was there. I'm alive! And very much enjoying TWILIGHT! It's already 1 a.m. of November 3 and I'm not going back to Manila yet! (Hahahaha. Addicted!)