10 Ways to Marry the Wrong Person

With the divorce rate over 50 percent, too many are apparently making a serious mistake in deciding who to spend the rest of their life with. To avoid becoming a "statistic," try to internalize these 10 insights. 1. You pick the wrong person because you expect him/her to change after you're married. The classic mistake. Never marry potential. The golden rule is, if you can't be happy with the person the way he or she is now, don't get married. As a colleague of mine so wisely put it, "You actually can expect people to change after they're married... for the worst!" So when it comes to the other person's spirituality, character, personal hygiene, communication skills, and personal habits, make sure you can live with these as they are now. 2. You pick the wrong person because you focus more on chemistry than on character. Chemistry ignites the fire, but good character keeps it burning. Beware of the "I'm in love" syndrome. "I'm in love" often means, "I'm in lust." Attraction is there, but have you carefully checked out this person's character? Here are four character traits to definitely check for:

Humility: Does this person believe that "doing the right thing" is more important than personal comfort? Do I want to be more like this person? Would I like my child to turn out like him or her? Kindness: Does this person enjoy giving pleasure to other people? How does s/he treat people s/he doesn't have to be nice to? Does s/he do volunteer work? Give to charity? Responsibility: Can I depend on this person to do what s/he says s/he's going to do? Happiness: Does this person like himself? Does she/he enjoy life? Is s/he emotionally stable? Ask yourself: Do I want to be more like this person? Do I want to have a child with this person? Would I like my child to turn out like him or her? 3. You pick the wrong person because the man doesn't understand what a woman needs most. Men and women have unique emotional needs, and more often than not, it is the man who just doesn't "get it." Jewish tradition places the onus on the man to understand the emotional needs of a woman and to satisfy them. The unique need of a woman is to be loved -- to feel that she is the most important person in her husband's life. The husband needs to give her consistent, quality attention. This is most apparent in Judaism's approach to sexual intimacy. The Torah obligates the husband to meet the sexual needs of his wife. Sexual intimacy is always on the woman's terms. Men are goal-oriented, especially when it comes to this area. As a wise woman once pointed out, "Men have two speeds: on and off." Women are experience-oriented. When a man is able to switch gears and become more experience-oriented, he will discover what makes his wife very happy. When the man forgets about his own needs and focuses on giving his wife pleasure, amazing things happen. 4. You choose the wrong person because you do not share a common life goals and priorities.

There are three basic ways we connect with another person: chemistry and compatibility share common interests share common life goal

Make sure you share the deeper level of connection that sharing life goals provide. After marriage, the two of you will either grow together or grow apart. To avoid growing apart, you must figure out what you're "living for," while you're single -- and then find someone who has come to the same conclusion as you. This is the true definition of a "soul mate." A soul mate is a goal mate -- two people who ultimately share the same understanding of life's purpose and therefore share the same priorities, values and goals. 5. You choose the wrong person because you get involved sexually too quickly. Sexual involvement before the commitment of marriage can be a big problem because it often precludes a fully honest exploration of important issues. Sexual involvement tends to cloud one's mind. And a clouded mind is not inclined to make good decisions. Of all the studies done on divorce, sexual incompatibility is never cited as a main factor. It is not necessary to take a "test drive" in order to find out if a couple is sexually compatible. If you do your homework and make sure you are intellectually and emotionally compatible, you don't have to worry about sexual compatibility. Of all the studies done on divorce, sexual incompatibility is never cited as a main reason why people divorce. 6. You pick the wrong person because you do not have a deeper emotional connection with this person. To evaluate whether you have a deeper emotional connection or not, ask: "Do I respect and admire this person?" This does not mean, "Am I impressed by this person?" We are impressed by a Mercedes. We do not respect someone because they own a Mercedes. You should be impressed by qualities of integrity, creativity, discipline, loyalty, determination, etc. Also ask: "Do I trust this person?" This also means, "Is he/she emotionally stable? Do I feel I can rely on him/her?" 7. You pick the wrong person because you choose someone with whom you don't feel emotionally safe. Ask yourself the following questions: Do I feel calm, peaceful and relaxed with this person? Can I fully be myself and express myself with this person? Does this person make me feel good about myself? Do you have a really close friend who does make you feel this way? Make sure the person you marry makes you feel the same way! Are you afraid of this person in any way? You should not feel you need to monitor what you say because you are afraid of how the other person will view it. If you're afraid to express your feelings and opinions openly, there's a problem with the relationship. Be on the look out for someone who is always trying to change you. Another aspect of feeling safe is that you don't feel the other person is trying to control you. Controlling behaviors are a sign of an abusive person. Be on the look out for someone who is always trying to change you. There's a big difference between "controlling" and "making suggestions." A suggestion is made for your benefit; a control statement is made for their benefit. 8. You pick the wrong person because you don't put everything on the table. Anything that bothers you about the relationship must be brought up for discussion. Bringing up the uncomfortable stuff is the only way to evaluate how well the two of you communicate, negotiate, and work together. Over the course of a lifetime, difficulties will inevitably arise. You need to know now, before making a commitment: Can you resolve your differences and find win-win compromises that work for both of you? Never be afraid to let the person know what bothers you. This is also a way for you to test how vulnerable you can be with this person. If you can't be vulnerable, then you can't be intimate. The two go hand in hand. 9. You pick the wrong person because you use the relationship to escape from personal problems and unhappiness. If you are unhappy and single, you'll probably be unhappy and married, too. Marriage does not fix personal, psychological and emotional problems. If anything, marriage will exacerbate them. If you are not happy with yourself and your life, take responsibility to fix it now while you are single. You'll feel better, and your future spouse will thank you. 10. You pick the wrong person because he/she is involved in a triangle. To be "triangulated" means a person is emotionally dependent on someone or something else while trying to develop another relationship. A person who hasn't separated from his or her parents is the classic example of triangulation. People can also be triangulated with things as well, such as work, drugs, Internet, hobbies, sports or money. Be careful that you and your partner are free of triangles. The person caught in the triangle cannot be fully emotionally available to you. You will not be their number one priority. And that's no basis for a marriage.

Credits: http://rcostib.multiply.com/journal/item/11/Avoid_Ten_Ways_to_Marry_the_Wrong_Person

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My Take: Golly! I have been reading and grabbing blogs of somebody else and I must say I am learning a lot! Wahahaha. And so much to my delight, I spotted this one which somehow gave me that wake-up call I so needed. This made me realize there really is a lot to consider before marrying... and a lot to avoid at that! Everyday I'm learning. I hope this post would make singles like me out there to think (and rethink) about the person to marry. Ayagi!!!!!

Ms. Ree's Legacy

It's Ms. Ria Ancheta-Adrias's last week at EITSC. She will be leaving for Hong Kong to be the good and submissive (huwwaaatt??) wife to Jasonstein. And while I only get to work with her for the past 8 months, I could say she taught me so many things from picture manager to you-can't-understand-it-now-but-you-will-in-the-future thing-ies.

I could still remember when she pinged me this "Thanks for the memories." It was the time when my regular status was due so I was thinking then that I would not make it. Hahaha! Only for me to learn that she is leaving the office soon. Kaloka!

But for reals, just these past few weeks, I appreciate her company more than ever. She would stay late with me at the office, never getting weary of my retold tales that would end until she ejects me from her car. Must be a nuisance for some (or maybe to her too, she's just trying not to show...hahaha) that I have to vent the same sentiments again and again. Thanks for bearing with me, Ms. Ree.

While I may only say a few words about you, I hope you know that I am more grateful to have known someone like you. I will never forget these words you shared, unsolicited in a way (to shut me up I guess, hahahah) :

1. There are more important things than standards.
2. Keep your heart open.
3. I was playing the role of the girlfriend but i wasn't being me. Don't be like that.
4. You dont pray for love.
5. I cant explain it now but i know you'll get through. You'll understand what i mean in time.

I love you Ms. Ree. I will miss you! We will miss you! Good luck and please stay in touch. Mwahs!

What I Love About You

Another mushy and informal piece I made over the weekend out of boredom and out of you-know-what kind of feeling I must be having till now. :P

I love smoothing the creases in your forehead

To ease the worries running inside your head

I love wrapping my arms around you in bed

My simple way of saying loving words left unsaid.

I love touching and looking at your soft, full lips

I delight as your breath lightly tickles my fingertips

I love tracing your eyebrows while you're asleep

And etch your facial features for my heart to keep.

I love waking you up each morning with a smile

Stare warmly at your awed face for a while

I love hearing you say 'I love you so much' with style

When you walk me to the door, I could run a mile.

I love the sound of your hearty laugh

Even if in my mind I know I had had enough

I love you even if your treatment was rough

You wounded my heart but I will stay tough.

I love you simply for the way you are

No matter how near I'm with you or some place far

I love you and each time I would see our star

I am certain this love could remove the scar.

I told you it is so damn mushy.

Nen Saman

Nen saman Lanang mon ibabaga Inarom ak ya anggapoy angga Natan ya anggapo ta la Ngalngalik ipakan ed sika Iraraman ya salita Nen saman Agay lay likeliket mo Ngalngali agka onsempet ed abong yo Basta kaibam ak kada minuto Singa anggapo lay arom ya totoo Ya manbibilay ed mundo Nen saman Say kuwan mo siak labat Say kuwan mo agmo ak isalat Anggano diad saray kabkabat Balet natan ko la akabat Say tuwan kulay mo tan balat Akin balet natan ey? Akalmo ka la amoy salaney? Saman ya panangarom maples ya kinmolaney. Pati iramay imbabagam Amin ya kuwan mon insipan Abangon ak sakey na kabuwasan Naandipat iraraman Say kuwan mo, duma la natan. -- tinao 10:36 am 5/23/08 Note: I may have misspelled some of the words I used in Pangasinan. I spelled it as I spoke it. Those who speak in my native tongue would understand this simple poem I thought of while queueing for my turn in the bank. Hahaha. The words just came naturally. 'Nen Saman' means in the past. It was fun doing this. Pangasinenses, enjoy reading!

The Invitation (by Oriah Mountain Dreamer)

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing. It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive. It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain!I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it. I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human. It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithlessand therefore trustworthy. I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence. I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, “Yes!” It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children. It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back. It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments. --Oriah Mountain Dreamer

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Now this portion is my space already.

I wish I could have spotted this piece earlier. I could have read this over and over to him so he would know what does not interest me at all and what I want to know about him. I did not write it but I can so identify myself with the content. :(

It does not matter now. I would love to tell this to the next man who would knock me off my feet -- someone who would appreciate me the more.

I grabbed this from a blogger who also grabbed it from another blogger. But credits to Oriah Mountain Dreamer.

Good morning!

Random Thoughts

What pathetic state of mind I have right now. Nothing particular to write about, nothing really special.

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On moving on and moving out.

It is exactly a week now when it dawned on me that I should call things over between us. First week-sary for courage and for selfless love! While the pain may still be there, I am thriving with laughter, music and tales I share with friends and loved ones since Day 1 of my journey to survival.

It is hard getting by each day when you know you are only steps away from the one you used to love. Hahaha. But I am struggling to find a suitable place to relocate. I have my things and cousins to bring along with me and it will sure be fun starting over.

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Stormy Weekend.

During Friday's climax of fun, storm Cosme also decided to join us. Because ECCP's anniversary was celebrated in a venue by the bay, strong winds damaged most of the outdoor activities' decorations. It was horrible having your hair done for the night only to be disheveled with winds that could launch ships! Really.

While we were sleeping at the hotel, I could hear the winds whistling like crazy. It seemed as though it wanted everybody to know it has arrived. And while I may have successfully retired to bed, many of the people from my province (Pangasinan) could not afford to blink an eye for fear of being flown away by Cosme. While only 3 people (from the latest I heard, but life is at stake here) were reported dead, a thousand others (or even millions) were left homeless, shivering and groping in the dark. They could have awaken from a nightmare, but no, it was real.

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Celebration and lamentation.

Happy birthday to my dear friend (ok Junlee, I'll admit it) and long-time crush Matthew Macaraeg Delgado.

The same goes to my dear-departed friend Richard Valiant Correa Primicias whose birthday is also today, May 20. Nine days from now (May 29), his first death anniversary will be commemorated. We miss you, Val.

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Meeting 'others'.

I am meeting people up. I am enjoying my life like never before. For reals.

God has better plans than mine. :)

I Grabbed a Blog Today

I grabbed this from a friend's Friendster Blog (Reich's Blog). Good read. Sensible. I can't say more. Intrigued? Read on then. Sometimes, in our relentless efforts to find the person we love, we fail to recognize and appreciate the people who love us. We miss out on so many beautiful things simply because we allow ourselves to be enslaved by our own selfish concerns. Go for the man of deeds and not for the man of words for you will find rewarding happiness not with the man you love but the man who loves you more.The best lovers are those who are capable of loving from a distance, far enough to allow the other person to grow, but never too far to feel the love deep within your being. To let go of someone doesn't mean you have to stop loving, it only means that you allow that person to find his own HAPPINESS without expecting him to come back. Letting go is not just setting the other person free, but it is also setting yourself free from all fears, bitterness, hatred, and anger that you keep in your heart. Do not let the bitterness rare away your strength and weaken your faith, and never allow pain to dishearten you, but rather let you grow with wisdom in bearing it. You may have found peace in just loving someone from a distance not expecting anything in return. But be careful, for this can sustain life but can never give enough room for us to grow.We can all survive with just beautiful memories of the past but real peace and happiness come only with open acceptance of what reality is today. There comes a time in our lives when we chance upon someone so nice and we just find ourselves getting so intensely attracted to that person. This feeling soon become a part of our everyday lives and eventually consumes our thoughts and actions. The sad part of it is when we begin to realize that this person feels nothing more for us than just friendship, or the feelings he might have for you is just too far from how you love him. We start our desperate attempt to get noticed and be closer but in the end our efforts are still unrewarded and we end up being sorry for ourselves. You don't have to be bitter on love. What you need to learn is how to accept the verdict of reality without being bitter or sorry for yourself. Believe me, you would be better off giving that dedication and love to someone more deserving. Don't let your heart run your life, be sensible and let your mind speak for itself. Listen not only to your feelings but to reason as well. Always remember that if you lose someone today, it means that someone better is coming tomorrow. If you lose love that doesn't mean that you failed in love. Cry, if you have to, but make sure that the tears wash away the hurt and the bitterness that the past has left with you. Let go of yesterday and love will find its way back to you. And when it does, pray that it may be the love that will stay and last a lifetime. "When you lose someone... and you think you were the one who loved most, between the two of you... he lost more. For someday you can love someone the way thatyou loved him...But he will never be loved again the way that you did."

Living My So-Called Life

I have my life back! After somehow losing it to someone else, unbeknownstly. For quite sometime, I was identified with another person, apparently he was too with me -- that if someone we both know would bump into him or me, that person would ask for me or him and how things are doing in between. Funny, I did not realize that early. Not until now.

Rihanna said, "You should not lower your standards for a guy." Very well said, it struck me. I know, it was a welcomed mistake. I did that. Why, you would ask. Out of love, I should answer. And now that's the most stupid answer a, ehem, smart girl like me could deliver. Admittedly, I could say this now, I was not thinking back then. I just knew I fell in love. He was persistent. He was always there for me. He took care of me. He made me feel I was the only girl in his life and I felt very, very lucky.

Fast forward. We separated. No, we are not married yet but we did have plans. We envisioned a future together to that point where we decided to start saving for it. Plans that did not materialize at all. And good relief, God saved me from so much trouble I could have faced if we pursued a relationship that was shattering before my eyes even if my heart refuses to see it.

It is in this situation that I realized those who really cared for me -- family and friends alike. It was because I focused my attention and my precious time on one person who was in the end, well, unworthy of it. This woke me up from my fantasy. I could no longer bear the feeling of seeing my family and friends hurting for me. I realized I was selfish. I perceived the situation to be something I (and only I) can control. But no, I have to let go. A lot of people are already in pain seeing me in pain. They hurt for me and I was alarmed.

It took time before reality sank in. People are now brave to tell me their impressions about him which they long held back, afraid to hurt me. Not that he's no good for me, but I deserve someone better, someone DEFINITELY WHOLE LOT better they say. Suitors from the past are eager to date me out again which is strange because I am not ready for one, yet. Haha. Or maybe I could change my mind. No, they want to date me to prove how worthy they could be, even as friends. They resurfaced. I am so blessed! I really am. (... you know who you guys are. Beh!)

I'm living my so-called LIFE again! The TINTIN my family and friends know is now resurrected, with God's purposeful plan. Someone better, you bet. Hooray for freedom! Hooray for being me!

You Love You

I'm reposting this blog I posted in Friendster. It is so timely that I relate this again to remind me to love myself more. So here goes... "Learning to love yourself is the greatest love all." - From Greatest Love All Now that sounds really narcistic. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Apparently, the line is not synonymous to sacrifice, is it? If you learned to love others, you forget about yourself up to the extreme point of self-loathing. Love makes people blind to their own needs thinking more of satiating their loved one's. But you see, in economics, wants and needs are insatiable. So why bother? But then again, loving someone brings you back to sacrifice. Just simply worrying over whether you hurt your loved one gives you anxiety. You eat less so she could eat more. You stay up late to check on her sick stomach each ticking hour. You would wish to share with her painful loads or take it wholly from her. You would say you would do that in an 'always' frequency. And how frequent is 'always'? How long before the intensity of sacrifice subsides? Nobody could really tell. After all, if machines break down, people get tired even more. And then the ultimate line saying 'Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all' prevails. There's no point denying that. You love yourself. Love can do wonders and so you can do too. Just get real. (Posted January 8, 2007) P.S. Promises with 'always' are almost sure to be wastes. Never believe them . I know of someone who cannot keep his words like that. Haha! ;)

Love Isn't A Subject You Take Up In School

If LOVE is a subject taken up in school, I would try my best to excel, I tell you. But it is not, and it is a sad fact. While there may be available publications featuring how to's, what if's, or what to do's about LOVE, each of us has a unique love experience to share. And this experience will be your own teacher. I do not recognize myself for quite some time now. Where is my love teacher? As Patrick (here we go again) would put it, "Nakakatawa no, sa Eco subjects mo ibibigay ko sayo grade puro 1, pero sa EQ sorry na lang ha, puro ka 5." True, I still have not learned. Or maybe I am just refusing to. I have to admit that the fantasies are running around my mind each time I think of him. Never giving up is the name of my game. And Pat, I have your blessing, right? You could not blame me. :P

Life is What You Choose to Make It

I received this excerpt from Mia Melanie A. Tandoc via YM today, May 8, 2008 at 8:44 a.m.-- You don't have to look very far to find a reason to feel sorry for yourself. But why would you want to waste even a few moments of your precious life on self pity? It's easy to come up with perfectly reasonable excuses for lowering your expectations and hiding away from life. But then all you're left with are worthless excuses. There are certain circumstances under which some people see themselves as victims. Yet under those exact same circumstances other people find and make the most of truly grand opportunities. When you expect life to be cruel and harsh, it will live up to your expectations. When, on the other hand, you consider yourself to be extremely fortunate, you will become even more so. There is great value in every moment. Positive possibilities are generated by every turn and twist of fate. No matter what may happen or fail to happen, life is what you choose to make it. Choose again and again, in every situation, to make it great. You're right Mhel. Life is what I choose to make it.

Delay is Not Denial

I just cannot afford to miss posting this: Delay Is Not Denial LUKE 18:1 NKJ 1 Then He spoke a parable to them, that men always ought topray and not lose heart, Many people give up too easily in prayer. When they don't seethe answer almost immediately, they quit. God is not pleased with this approach. You may say, "God knows my need. Why doesn't He just give it tome, instead of playing games?" Whether you agree with God's ways, or not: God is still incharge and makes the rules -- not you. So, it does you no goodto argue or complain. Better to just line up with God insteadof fighting against His plan. Besides, in reality God's waysare perfect, it is just that we are often too immature andignorant to understand all God is doing. Scripture has many examples of people pressing in and receivinganswers to prayer. We should never be quitters when it comes toprayer. It is God's will to answer your prayers. He is the One who toldyou to pray. God actually delights in answering your prayers. (Never forget that God loves you more than you can imagine. Godloves you more than He loves Himself, and proved it by dying inyour place, so you could go free.) "Then why are there so many delays?" There is an enemy, the devil, who hates you and is against youreceiving your answer from God. Second, some prayers involve other people, and God does notforce people to do His will, but works with them patiently sothey can see and do the right thing willingly. This takes time. Third, there are things that God is working in you while youare persevering in prayer. God's plan is for you to grow upspiritually. God wants to enlarge your faith and encourage youto develop a closer relationship with Him. If every answeralways came immediately, would you really press in and spendtime drawing closer to God and studying His Word? Don't despair in prayer. Keep on praying in faith as long asyou are praying according to God's Word. A delay, even a verylong one, does not mean that God is saying no to your request. SAY THIS: I will not give up in prayer.

Un-GF Demeanors

I am no self-confessed intellectual being but my friends say I am. I would not be in my status right now if I am not 'ahead' of the rest, they believe. But who cares about being intellectual if your emotional quotient is... errrr... below average! I had a recent conversation with a friend from college and he blatantly told me that "Medyo mahina yung EQ talaga ng mga intellectually endowed na mga tao." Ehem, he was talking and referring to me. Hahaha. It was supposedly a witty discussion and we ended up laughing about ourselves. Intellectually endowed, huh?! From there on, I started enumerating my Top 5 bopol efforts, call it an un-girlfriend demeanors (not in order), when it comes to my relationship, to his unbelievable delight. Yes Patrick, I did these and I am so sorry, you know that: 1.) I made him cry, so many, many times and it is always my fault. 2.) I tagged him along with me in the province but did not have the chutzpah to introduce him to my father. Instead, I asked him to leave the province ahead, not even giving him the chance to step in my house. 3.) I made him do the laundry with me, leaving his hand inflamed (super ouch when I imagine it) with detergent rashes. His mom NEVER asked her to do laundry. 4.) I give up on him so easily when I'm angered with little things even if it does not concern him. I lash him with words that not even a fed up mother would tell his son. 5.) I say I trust him and then take it back. And then tell him I don't think I can trust him anymore. Unforgivable! But only a heart like his could endure such sufferings I CAUSED. Only his loving heart. Now the torments are with me. I feel so sorry. You know that, Pat. He made me realize what a nasty girlfriend I made out of myself. It's a shame. The realization is sinking in to me now. And yeah, Pat, I can pull through. Thanks.

On Trusting and Being Trusted

“To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.” -- George MacDonald Of all the quotes I run through the net, I singled out this quote with which I would say I'm more... attached. Trust has always been an issue with me. Ask my friends, my suitors, my family, and especially so my boyfriend. No matter how much I try to convince other people that I trust them, bizarrely, I'm acting like I don't. So I'm trying to reflect now that I'm writing something about TRUST (which I dreaded doing). Reflect. Reflect. I have this crooked principle that I try not to trust other people basically to protect myself. Look around. It's a big, treacherous world. What more could be looming than this world eating up on you because you trusted? Inch by inch, until nothing more is left of you. Such a pessimistic view I know. But don't you think I'm making a point here? I believed in this unpleasantness until somebody made me realize that trusting is a twin act of loving that rather gives you that liberating feeling. I came to realize this after so much tribulation that I went through with him, my boyfriend -- this person that I'm supposed to love and yes, more importantly to him, trust. It was always a recurring issue. Whenever arguments arise between us, I tell him I could not trust him anymore for such pain he's causing me. But did I ever trust him in the first place? Did I ever believe in his ability to handle things between us? Did I ever listen to what he has to say or propose to do? Or did I only entrust everything about our relationship to myself after all these years because I simply do not trust him? I deprived him of that one valuable compliment (which George said is even greater than to be loved) he deserves as my partner -- to be trusted. The pain is scaring the core of my heart intensely I only wanted to protect myself only to realize that I'm already torn apart because I was not trusting him. In the same way, I was not fully aware that I am eventually pushing him away from me. It did not occur to me that his detachment would bring much severe and intolerable pain. It's torture. This is a sad confession. But I still recognize his efforts in struggling to gain my trust even if it means hurting himself or losing himself. That's how much he loves me. He painstakingly demonstrated to me how to trust despite my wrongs. He showed me how it feels to be trusted. I only get to recognize them now. And I hope it's not all too late. If my sorry would not suffice, I guess I'm bound to suffer the consequences. I learned, by heart. I should trust you in the same way that you trust me too.