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I love hard. I laugh loud. I wanna live laudibly.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Living My So-Called Life


I have my life back! After somehow losing it to someone else, unbeknownstly. For quite sometime, I was identified with another person, apparently he was too with me -- that if someone we both know would bump into him or me, that person would ask for me or him and how things are doing in between. Funny, I did not realize that early. Not until now.

Rihanna said, "You should not lower your standards for a guy." Very well said, it struck me. I know, it was a welcomed mistake. I did that. Why, you would ask. Out of love, I should answer. And now that's the most stupid answer a, ehem, smart girl like me could deliver. Admittedly, I could say this now, I was not thinking back then. I just knew I fell in love. He was persistent. He was always there for me. He took care of me. He made me feel I was the only girl in his life and I felt very, very lucky.

Fast forward. We separated. No, we are not married yet but we did have plans. We envisioned a future together to that point where we decided to start saving for it. Plans that did not materialize at all. And good relief, God saved me from so much trouble I could have faced if we pursued a relationship that was shattering before my eyes even if my heart refuses to see it.

It is in this situation that I realized those who really cared for me -- family and friends alike. It was because I focused my attention and my precious time on one person who was in the end, well, unworthy of it. This woke me up from my fantasy. I could no longer bear the feeling of seeing my family and friends hurting for me. I realized I was selfish. I perceived the situation to be something I (and only I) can control. But no, I have to let go. A lot of people are already in pain seeing me in pain. They hurt for me and I was alarmed.

It took time before reality sank in. People are now brave to tell me their impressions about him which they long held back, afraid to hurt me. Not that he's no good for me, but I deserve someone better, someone DEFINITELY WHOLE LOT better they say. Suitors from the past are eager to date me out again which is strange because I am not ready for one, yet. Haha. Or maybe I could change my mind. No, they want to date me to prove how worthy they could be, even as friends. They resurfaced. I am so blessed! I really am. (... you know who you guys are. Beh!)

I'm living my so-called LIFE again! The TINTIN my family and friends know is now resurrected, with God's purposeful plan. Someone better, you bet. Hooray for freedom! Hooray for being me!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You have your life back...Why? Did you loose it when you shared it with someone you used to love?
You still have your own identity...you are still you. It happens to be that people tends to recognize you with your partner, that is why we call him the other half because when you are together you are both complete.
You did not lower your standard by choosing him in the first place, because love doesn't measure the man, it simply feels the pleasure of belonging. He was once your mirror image, you thought that he was the right guy for you. Remember you said yes, when he asked you the famous phrase "Do you love me?" NO REGRETS
The first and the last person who will love you beside God is you. People around you, including me, may not always be there to support you.
Don't believe what people might say about your situation, they are simply there to sympathize with you, because they know that you are already on your weak stage, and you need there support. But this one thing (actually I have already wrote more than enough...He...He) that I would like to leave behind and that is simply listen to your heart and mind because there is where the truth is. What is right? What is good? And there you will find true happiness. Enough said coming from an imperfect man.

Peace.